I’m currently very pregnant. Her proposed visit (coinciding with Pesach, the date isn’t arbitrary) would come when I’m about 36 weeks. Also, Pesach involves a lot of housework.
I **do not** want this visit. I don’t really want her to visit at all, ever – our relationship is difficult – but I super mega don’t want it when
– I’m very pregnant
– preparing a toddler for a new sibling
– dealing with what’s effectively Toddler’s first Pesach since they weren’t yet eating last year
– doing most of the housework (I’ll be on pregnancy leave and Spouse won’t)
– I don’t have Pesach dishes, I normally use paper plates
– buying in an extra person’s Pesach food would be significant trouble and expense
– *I will be thirty six weeks pregnant*
I already shot down a “come visit me”, her response was that if I can’t come to her, she’ll come to me. I can’t see a way to say “mother, what in seven hells made you think this was a good idea?” that isn’t either really unkind or something she’ll “troubleshoot”.
TL;dr I can’t see how to turn down a visit from my mother without either presenting a problem she’ll try to fix or telling her “you’re not welcome in my house”.
7 comments
What is Pesach?
You don’t need to justify it to her. Just tell her you’re not willing to have her visit right now.
“Hey, mom. No, don’t come visit right now. I’m just not in any state to have you visit. Perhaps when the baby is born, but not until then. We’ll be in touch.”
Either you have to say no and hurt her. An alternative is saying that you’re willing to meet at a cafe and drink some coffee and offer another date(and state she can not sleep at your place).
Can’t you be honest with her and say you aren’t doing a full complete Pesach because the food shopping is complicated, you don’t have the dishware, and you are not going to do the intense top-to-bottom housecleaning because YOU ARE THIRTY-SIX WEEKS PREGNANT??
Or would this work?
>”Oh mom, I don’t want you to be disappointed with a minimal Pesach, and that’s all I can manage this year. And I don’t want you to think you have to come here and work, cleaning and shopping and cooking. I want you to visit when I’m able to have a lovely clean house and lots of time and energy to make sure everything is perfect, and have a wonderful Pesach like you always had for the family.”
Mom, this doesn’t work for me. We can discuss another date at a different time.
“No Thank You.”
Can you go to your in laws, or in dinner other way leverage then to get you out of this?