Okay iam a grad student and literally everyone around me is gossiping, fighting, stirring the pot (I do this as a former outcast because I am vengeful). I am trying to fix my behaviour but it so happens this is a place where I feel compelled to gossip or something I do hate very much. I hate myself when I do it. I cannot go no contact with these people as I have tried several times and failed because we all study together in a class. Also my “friends” who gossip and shit ask me questions and hold me accountable as if they haven’t done anything wrong or said shit about me behind my back. And then there’s my ex who is just like me, likes to stir the pot as well. Again, I just have a year till graduation and I cannot stand these people and the way I am around them. I blame myself but they bring the worst in me. Please tell me what do I do and how do I fix my mental health and my shitty behaviour.
P.s : I don’t gossip around other people who are healthy or nice to me and kind to others. So this is definitely a negative influence.
1 comment
I spent too many years trying to work stuff out with a bunch of “friends” who werent friends. I think culling people who waste our energy is under-rated. People don’t change, is my experience. Sometimes we evolve through a behaviour and then we stop wasting energy on it. It is possible.
But if we change in this way, usually all our friend groups change. Again, something I have experienced when I moved country and had to change life completely, I found it hard to hang out with my old friends once I had changed behaviours it just didnt work any more. It took a while for me to accept that and move on. I was very sad to be letting go of them. But in Time it worked out well. It’s a tough call, but very much sounds like you know exactly what to do.
I mentioned this elsewhere but it is a huge topic – Grief. It is so important to acknowledge our grief for losing how things were with people. I think honor the good that was, but also find a way to let it all go when we know that something is no good for us anymore. There is nothing wrong with taking a break and trying again too. Another under-rated thing in life is letting things go, people tend to cling on. Learning to grieve, that is where it is at. imo. Dont be afraid to hurt for a while.