Tl, dr: In a happy relationship but can’t stop thinking about what could have been with a friend who revealed she had a crush on me. I don’t want to keep feeling this way. What do I do? is this normal?
I (M26) was recently told by a friend of mine (F26) (that I had a crush on in the past), that she had a crush on me in the past. She told me that as she was in a relationship at the time, she didn’t act on it, and assured me she was over it now. She recently broke up with her LT bf and we were talking about her relationship and her now dating life when this came up.
I am in a stable long term relationship with my gf (F27) and while the relationship has had its ups and downs in the past, I think we are in a good place now. In the past, we have been “off” multiple times, totalling c. 2 years of the 7 years we have been together.
I developed the crush on my friend when my gf and I were not doing so well/on a break but did not act on them as my friend was in a relationship. Since my gf and I have been doing much better (over a year) combined with the fact my friend was in a LT relationship, I had not thought much of it, until now…
Since my friend mentioned that she did have a crush on me (and assured me she was over it now), I keep thinking of what could have been… I think a part of me still finds her attractive. I don’t want to keep feeling this way. What do I do? Is this normal?
5 comments
You know what? If I were you, I would put some distance between me and that friend. Even if her crush was in the past, she’s affecting your present with your girlfriend. I’m sorry but her having a crush on you says 0 about how strongly she would’ve liked a relationship, how well it would’ve lasted etc. but now your judgment is all clouded because of this new information and frankly, your girlfriend has done nothing to deserve that.
Well what u do is u cut contact with her. That’s the only way you can stop letting these feelings grow, and have them reduce instead. The more u have her around, the stronger ur feelings become. It’s normal to have crushes, but it’s all about how you handle those crushes. Idk if it’s normal to have a crush this big tho tbh, but I imagine that half or over half of partners would cheat if they did have one this big. Probably just me being pessimistic though. Regardless, you should cut her off to stop these feelings
Keep in mind, if you try to explore anything with the friend, she may not be as receptive cuz you’re in a relationship. She kept herself in check when she was in a relationship so even if she had feelings for you again, might want you to resolve things with your girlfriend first.
it’s normal but you do what she did — you don’t act on it.
if necessary, go low contact with the friend.
sometimes people say, there’s no reason to confess to you if you’re in a relationship, unless they’re testing the waters or have no respect for you/your relationship.
so while you may think it’s an innocent confession, especially since she says she’s over it already , but is it really innocent ? you’re now either thinking of the possibilities, or you’re having to remove her from your life.
it’s not as innocent as you think. it’s up to you how to react to it
I could never see myself confessing this to any person I had or am attracted to, if they are currently in a relationship. It feels pretty manipulative to me. I respect my friends relationships.
Like why say this now? What good does it do for your friendship or relationship? How do you think your gf would react if she heard this? Not cool of your friend at all