How did you regain your self worth when dating?

5 comments

1. First off congratulations on starting therapy. You’re on the right track. Its absolutely ok to feel like that. For so long you felt unneeded and unattended.

   Next time just make small talk. You might be over thinking too much. Whether she’ll like you or see the real you or whether she will stay back.

   Take one step at a time. Think about the topics you’re going to discuss. Do some light flirting and texting. You’ll figure out on your own.

   You’ll ultimately figure every step is simple. Your mind is blocking you. Just don’t give in.

2. German? Mothertongue (cause of username)

   You gotta approach dating like a game. Its not about self worth, your valuables or whatever. Its just a game you play. If you do badly, try another. Dont pressure yourself, don’t expect anything. Dont see it as “the goal is mating”, because no it isnt, sexis, a side effect of making each other feel good. (or exploit that for sex, like some people do)

   Once you enjoy it, all this issues you dish out get irrelevant during the game. But work on em…

3. Sounds like you’ve made great progress but I would strongly recommend continuing the work on yourself before you worry about dating.

   If you don’t wait you’ll probably end up in a toxic relationship that will set you back so much it won’t be worth it.

4. I kinda semi always had some, I just realized it after a friend of mine talked to me about a relationship I was in.

   But I helped that same friend too. So he was in a relationship with his 1st gf, and she was very pretty but that’s all she had going for her tbh. Personality was trash and she contributed nothing to anything, in fact she did the opposite he’d be having a good time and she’d get involved and all of a sudden the good times were ruined.
   Thing is he was so insecure leaving her thinking he wasn’t gonna get anyone else, and he had this constant need for validation that he’d always fold to her whenever they fought bc he didn’t want her to not like him.

   so me and some friends took him on a trip to DR. It’s lk a trip all guys should go on imo, doesn’t have to be DR tho could be Brazil, South Korea, Iran, etc those are all great countries for what I’m about to describe. But anyway it’s basically like I took him there and it’s like the dynamic kind of switches over there, like if you go you’re basically like 1 of these celebrities like Drake or 1 of those dudes where you can just go to a club and without even trying leave with any of the women there. You barely even need to speak the language like they a lot of the time will approach you, like you literally just have to pull up and be there and you’ll get a girl coming up to you. Like it’s not tough at all. So anyway my friend basically got so much attention and so much sex thrown at him that when we got back he couldn’t justify why he was still with his gf, like he was with her out of insecurity and bc she fucked him. Well the insecurity is gone, my friend is a literal prize for 95% of the planet and when it came to well keep her around for sex, It’s like why? Like he just broke up with her about a few weeks after being back.

   And I’m not being funny with you but his standards are now like she’s gotta have a personality that improves his life, like he no longer pretending or bitching out. So idk that’s how I helped my friend and we’ve actually gone on similar trips with friends in groups a few times after that. It’s just a good thing that you should experience before looking for a forever type love

5. Keep up with the therapy, this kind of question is probably a good one to give to your therapist