How did you support your SO when they were grieving?

15 comments

1. My situation may be a bit different as we lost our fathers two months apart.

   I would say just be there. That’s all you can do. Just really be there. Be present, be open, be loving, be reasonable, be ready for any and all emotions. And to me, knowing that you have support and backing no matter your day or mood makes all the difference.

   Small thoughts and acts and kindness. Favourite movie, favourite meals, suggestion activities even if they say no so you are carrying on life as best as you can.

   And my biggest one. NOT being afraid to talk about the person/animal/being they are mourning. It is uncomfortable at times. But there is nothing more important than keeping their memory alive and celebrating the life that once was.

   I’m sorry for you and your SO’s loss.

2. be quiet and listen – cook food and do chores

3. My boyfriend lost his dad last year – they didn’t have a great relationship when he was a child as he was an abusive man to his mum.

   But, as he grew older he built a relationship with him and he was devastated by his death. All his close family and friends were pretty confused about his grief because he wasn’t a nice man.

   I didn’t say anything really. Just let him talk, listened, let him play the music that reminded him of his dad.

   Point I’m making is really is just… Listen and be there

4. Hugs. Feeding them. Sitting with them. Being quiet and just listening and touching them.

5. I told him that, whatever he was feeling, it was okay and right and he shouldn’t be ashamed of it. His father just recently passed away, and he struggled for a while because he felt like he wasn’t sad enough.

   I was also really sad to lose my father-in-law (and my partner said a couple times that he was pretty sure I was taking it harder than he was), but I kept that to myself for the most part because I didn’t want to make him feel guiltier or weirder about not being shattered.

   I didn’t/don’t bring it up a million times a day, but I did check in with him about once a day or when things felt especially heavy.

6. When his son died I stayed out of his way and tried to take care of everything at home so that he didn’t have to worry about household stuff. I had some insecurities about him going to the funeral and seeing his ex but I kept them from him because they were my issues and were completely irrelevant. It wasn’t about me, it was about him.

7. Handle everything that he doesn’t absolutely have to. Make sure he’s drinking water at the very least and keep his mother away from him.

8. Being there. My boyfriend lost his mother 2 years into our relationship, it was very sudden (stomach cancer), he went home when she was in hospital within the day of him getting there she passed. (His family all tell him she waited for him-not sure if that makes it better or worse though). So I go to him as soon as I’m able to, and just sit with him, listen, hold him and be there for him.

9. His mom passed and we were there by her bedside. I stayed with her while he went to meet his sister outside, I stayed in the background while his sister and him had their time together. I helped his sister plan the funeral, I helped him find an outfit to wear. I listened to him rant on end about his extended family for months (a lot of money hungry people came out of the wood work). I helped him learn how to pay bills, how to take care of a house, and helped him learn how to be a grown adult at 40 years old, when mom had done most of his adulting for him.

10. I was there and made sure I was supporting him in a way that he wanted- not what I felt was ‘right’.

    His Dad passed away and they’d had a difficult relationship .

    I’m glad we were able to be there together for him near the end.

11. Listening to them vent and cry everything out. Definitely stay by their side and help them if they need anything.

12. Do things that will make their day easier. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help! Make their favorite treat!

13. Lots of hugs, help out with chores, and give them to space to talk/express their grief however they’d like.

14. – cooked her favorite foods

    – listened to her when she needed to talk

    – gave her space when I knew she needed it

    – picked up the slack around the house

    – tried very hard to avoid saying “I know how you feel” and instead said “I understand why you feel sad and it’s ok”

15. Listened and gave him space to process. I didn’t get in his face or force him to discuss his feelings. All that comes in time. I also bought his plane ticket to go to the funeral back in his home state. I couldn’t go cause of my job at the time.