How do I tell the man I am seeing I used to be very overweight?

42 comments

1. He won’t care

2. Why fix something that aint broken?

3. Why would you have to tell him about your weight from 7 years ago? What is the point.

4. It doesnt matter.

5. It might be a good idea to discuss it, since you had a surgical procedure. I assume that changes the way you have to eat, and he may notice it and it may come up in that regard.

   Without that part, I would say it doesn’t matter and you can tell him later on if it ever comes up.

6. Overthinking so much. Guys are visual yes, but only about what you look like right now. He’s not going to give 2 shits that you used to be overweight. If anything it will just be interesting conversation.

7. This make no sense to me personally

8. You’re overthinking this.

9. He’s not gonna give a shit lol

10. You are taking your inner turmoil over your past and projecting it on him. 1) he shouldn’t care. 2) You lost the weight, 7 years later living healthy. It doesn’t matter. People love and that involves struggle and change. You are who you are now, not 7 years ago. It would be like feeling guilty about being an awkward teenager your whole life.

11. I don’t think you need to unless there’s like crazy loose skin or something to explain.

    If you do decide to, frame it in a positive light about how you are growing and changing as a human.

    Good luck.

12. Just bring it up super casually if you want to tell him. Literally just say that you used to be fat

13. Do you have loose skin or something?

14. I feel like you’re judging yourself very harshly, and thinking that because you were heavier you are somehow “less” of a person.

    Being overweight isn’t a crime. It’s nothing you need to confess or attone for. Focus on loving yourself.

    Also, I’ve made lots of changes in my life. You are allowed to be who you are NOW and you aren’t forever stuck as who you WERE.

15. Been sleeping together for around a month.
    If he can’t tell, hasn’t said anything, can tell and hasn’t said anything, to me it doesn’t matter if you tell him or not, for me I see what you accomplished as a big green flag.
    I rank it up there with getting clean from heroin.

    I was arrested, I’m not ashamed of it, it was the best thing to ever happen to me! I am so much better today as a spiritual person and a person in general because of it.

16. This would be more for you than for him. He won’t care.

17. Just tell him if you want, or don’t. If I was informed, I would be very proud of you for getting into shape. He’s obviously attracted to you.

18. As a man who was 270 lbs and now a muscular 185lbs, I have loose skin and many stretch marks. I know how you feel.

    Just be honest. I would think a worthwhile guy would respect you for the commitment.

19. “Hey, I feel like I want to share something with you since we’re becoming to grow closer. I used to be twice my weight a while back and since it was such a dramatic change for me in my life, that sometimes it makes me feel certain ways (insert the basics of how you feel about it). Really I just want to feel like we can share things like this and I wanted your support and understanding. Does knowing this now change how you feel about me?”

    As a guy, if I heard that, i would want to know how you got yourself to that weight and how you came to deciding that surgery was the solution. Depending on their personality some guys will take this information differently, but nonetheless, in any relationship its important that you don’t feel the need to hide this or anything else for that matter. No one is perfect. But the less you feel you need to hide, the better you will feel in the relationship overall. Good luck

20. He won’t care

21. Here’s what you say.. “Before we go any farther there’s something I have to tell you that’s very, very important (long pause for dramatic effect) I used to be fat” Guy says.. And ?

22. There is no reason why you have to tell him this, I can’t fathom why this is a big deal?

    This is like fretting about telling someone “7 years ago I had blonde hair”. I can’t think of 1 reason why that would matter to anyone

23. Sorry, but you absolutely overthinking things, like why would anyone care about your past, it has nothing to do with who you are now, but your insecurities might be something i would be more worried about. Because from insecurities come questions like, “do i look pretty?”,”do you mind me being overweight in the past” and so on, and however we guys answer it’s always..ALWAYS wrong.

24. Wow, hiding something to be proud of? Are you also hiding like an advanced degree or a lot of money?

25. Honestly, unless this guy is like uber shallow, he isn’t going to care.
    He likes what you are now, not what you looked like 7 years ago.
    Men care about body count, attractiveness (at that moment) and cooperation.
    As such, I would say you’re good to go. Don’t sweat over it. 🙂

26. I also lost half my body weight, I looked like a fucking bear had mauled me in terms of stretchmarks, mostly faded now, but anyone I get with is going to know that at some stage I was a fat fuck. Chances are you also have old stretchmarks that he’s seen and obviously doesn’t care about if he’s said nothing about.

    Yes, men are very visual and he saying “A man cares about a womans past and a woman cares about a mans future” is a very accurate assessment, but only insofar as body count/criminal records/drug abuse etc goes. You can be the most beautiful woman on earth when you’re 20, but once you’re 30-40 that’s worth nothing to us, and on the same front, you can be the ugliest woman on earth when you’re 20 and be the most beautiful woman on earth when you’re 30-40 and the fact you was ugly at 20 is also worth nothing to us. Looks only matter in the here and now, and “i hope she ages well” is probably the only thing the average dude thinks about with regards to a womans future.

    Congratulations on the weight loss and improving yourself. Enjoy the confidence and success you’ve earned.

27. Don’t. What possible benefit could there be?

28. If you’re not overweight now, I seriously doubt he’s going to care.

29. Start a conversation about things that are important to you/him.

    Talk about fitness and weight gain. Now you have a segue to talk about your surgery.

30. What do you need to tell him for? We all got a past. And the key word is PAST. Live in the present and look forward to the future.

31. You don’t need to. It doesn’t matter.

    If you want to you can try the what were you like in high school chat?

    ‘I was chubby’

    Which progresses to him saying

    ‘I don’t care/you aren’t now/ you’d be beautiful regardkess of your weoght/you’re beautiful inside and out’ etc etc

32. Well of course it’s good to speak about your past and how you have grown as a person etc., but I doubt that you telling this to him would really change anything to the negative really. It morely shows character from you and an ability to make a big change even if it is hard

33. Congrats on losing the weight.

    > Am I way overthinking this

    Yes. If/when the time presents itself mention “I used to be heavier”

    99% chance he won’t care, or already suspects and still doesn’t care

34. If you’re already sleeping together and he’s seen you naked and you’re still sleeping together, then he’s not worried about what you used to look like, but he may already have suspicions of a weight loss journey from body transformations. Loose skin, saggy parts, etc. If it’s “weighing” on you, just tell the man! He’ll appreciate you being open and honest and then probably call you silly for being so so worried about it!

35. Hey I think you should be very proud of your progress and whenever you feel ready or want to let him know. There isn’t any pressure really, but like I say- be proud of your accomplishments!

36. You are overthinking this.

    I’m married to a woman with a story similar to yours. She transformed while we were married, so it’s a bit different.

    I would only discuss it if it comes up related to your diet or activities that are necessary to stay on track. That’s my male perspective. But if it will help remove any anxiety for you, then do what you need to.

    Congrats for your positive lifestyle changes!

37. You probably wouldn’t abuse yourself for having cancer or a bad knee, so no point in abusing yourself over some food or carb addiction that you got over many years ago. The “normie” way to deal with obesity is to abuse the addict, but no amount of external moral condemnation will fix an addict, and it doesn’t even make the bullies feel all that good anyway. If you live in a culture where corporate and government policy is organized around making 80% of the population fat, and you got fat as a part of that 80% of the population, at least you’re in good company and it isn’t your fault.

    So its really a “you” problem not a “him” problem. Clearly he likes you, so you’re OK WRT him. You should like you, also. Maybe trust his opinion of you if you don’t trust your own.

38. What does it matter now? You planning on balloning up? Do you need to tell everyone your life story?

39. I personally wouldn’t care. I mean I would be impressed that you made the change and maintained it but I would not have any negative issues. Yeah, maybe let him know before the parents house.

40. Idk if I was him, I wouldn’t care, it seems like you made a ton of progress and it doesn’t seem like you plan on putting the weight back on, so frankly it’s irrelevant. If anything he’d probably be impressed with your progress

41. I think losing weight like you did is inspirational, what is your concern about telling him? I think he’d be proud of you.

42. yes you are way over thinking this, I lost a 120 pounds 10 years ago and I am so proud of myself and I tell people about all the time…