Hi, so i’m with my bf and we’ve been having sex. But i cannot give him head. and he loves head(so he’s told me) and it makes me feel bad because i want to make him feel good. but every time i try to give him head i think about the other women he’s been with and if he’s comparing me to them. I’ve never been with anyone else except him. he’s gotten head from multiple women YEARS before me. He’s not that type of person TO compare. but i can’t help but think it because idk what i’m doing and he’s gotten better head. I really wanna give him head and make him feel good because i love him. But i’m self conscious that i’m not good like his others. is this a common thing to think??
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Not usually, but mainly cuz I’m usually anxious/nervous about just doing what I’m doing well. It’s funny cuz I’m in your shoes sometimes when I think about whether or not the girl I’m sleeping with is comparing me to whoever, and it takes me out of fully enjoying it.
So look at it this way, if you’re having sex, and it’s decent without the head, then just think of head as something you can just work on and practice with him and it’ll only make your sex better. Also, maybe they sucked dick better but you have better pussy, or kiss better, or sound sexier, talk dirty better, or are a much more awesome person. We always assume the worst (best) of other people like “wow they were sleeping with a sex god(dess) before me, I’m useless”. Its never true lol
Anytime a woman has been going down on me, THAT’S what I’m thinking about. HER going down on me! And your bf is probably the same.
If it makes you feel any better, what’s the worst case scenario? That he’s remembering somebody else who was really good at oral sex? Would that really be so bad? (Again, he probably isn’t thinking of that at all.) For those of us who have had other partners, they do pop into our heads sometimes… they’re part of our pasts and our memories. And that’s okay. My point is that he’s with you now, wants to be with you, wants you to enjoy sex with him, the two of you together, etc….
I can only speak for myself, but i do not compare the woman i am with.
Not because it could not happen, but mainly because i am busy!!!! Like i am in a moment.
I aint thinking about anyone else at that point, why should i ? 😅
Every man compares the women he has been with sexually but maturity comes from not giving a fuck if one person is a particular way versus another. Everyone is a 1 of 1 on personality, in bed, everything and you can’t expect someone to be somebody else.
You didn’t mention ages but I’m assuming he’s old enough to understand this.
It probably doesn’t happen the way you think it does. In the moment, he is likely focused on you. He might think back to other lovers and reflect sometimes, but that would happen in more of a nostalgic memory sort of way at a different time.
I should add, this is not a reflection of you and what you may or may not be capable of. If you let this hinder you, then you could never live up to it in your own mind regardless of what he thinks. For this reason comparisons are a bad idea unless you are using to learn ways to improve.
This has similarities with comparing yourself to porn. Porn is fantasy, largely unrealistic fantasy, that most people could never live up to. So building up what you think is in his head, is creating an unrealistic fantasy that you can never live up to.
You are likely better at it than you think. Ejaculate doesn’t really lie.
I don’t compare different women to each other, no
No. And it’s unfair of him to compare you to others. If I were going to say there’s a rule, that’s one.
Definitely way more likely to get compared to other women when it comes to “refuses to give head due to being scared of being compared to other women” than how you actually are at giving head.
I doubt if he is comparing you, but that’s really neither here nor there. The problem is your insecurity. The good news is that’s within your control to change, while it’s never in anybody’s control to change somebody else.
Besides, as yogi Berra famously said, “nostalgia ain’t what it used to be“. You can’t trust memories of other people, because the memories get distorted over time, appearing either better or worse than they actually were back in the day.
Don’t worry, be happy. He’s with you for a reason. Enjoy what you have in the present
100% he is comparing. Of course he is. It is not his fault, just human nature. I think about what my exes were really really good at all the time. The solution is up your game and know you are the best lay he will ever have.
I mean…if you weren’t giving me head, I’d be comparing you to the partners who gave me head. If you were giving me good head, the others probably wouldn’t cross my mind. Your insecurity is a much bigger issue here.
Try get out of your own head,
The only way you ads going to be able to give your partner good head is by giving him head, currently he’s not getting any head, so really even if the first handful of times you suck at it you will get better and be great at it, and he’s still better off than he currently is with zero head.
It’s very human to compare, even if you try not to, it happens subconsciously. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. You’re well aware if you’re having the best sex, or the best head of you’re life right now in your currently relationship. Whether your answer is yes, or it’s no, or maybe, you’re inadvertently comparing.
its common to be presented with these feelings, uncommon to dwell on them and let them affect your 3rd dimensional life
Well yea inevitably, just like women compare their experiences with others
Yes
Some do, some don’t, same as anything with regard to sex. Do you feel your boyfriend would be the type to compare you with others? Has he given you any reason to think he is judging you in any way? If so then that is far more of a concern that needs to be addressed first. If not, why are you thinking he might with no evidence that this is the case? It sounds like you have a very bad view of yourself right now and it is stopping you from doing something you KNOW he likes and will therefore love you to do for him because you THINK he MIGHT compare you to his previous partners. You are cutting your nose off to spite your face here. NO ONE gets their partner’s likes right in bed immediately because it takes time to learn exactly how they like it. Given how terrified you are of doing it, even just the effort on your part will be appreciated by him, and you can go from there. Ask him how he likes it and then do what he says.
You are overthinking to a literal painful degree, perhaps you need to not be having sex right now and sorting out your severely negative self-image.
Oh and…right now you are not as good as his exes, no, simply because you aren’t even DOING what he says he likes. Sure if you do it you MIGHT get a few things wrong initially, but you WILL learn and get better. Right now you are DEFINITELY not as good as them because…well…they did what he likes. You are essentially refusing to play the game and simultaneously worried about losing but by refusing to play you cannot POSSIBLY even HOPE to succeed.
Everyone compares… it’s human nature