We are currently 3 and a half years together which is a lot considering I’m 21 and she is 20. Our relationship started exactly like it should, we met at the bar and had really good chemistry, first two years we were inseparable, and we enjoyed spending time with each other. You could say that we greatly influenced our development as a person due to our early start. We never had serious problems, never had serious arguments, we are both from good families, smart, well-educated, and ambitious in our goals. In the eyes of our friends, we were always the perfect couple that everyone took as an example of a good relationship.
To give you a bit more inside info:
Last year were dating long distance because of my enrolment in college. Unfortunately, that made her a bit emotionally distant due to her constant need for closeness and a physical way of expressing love. We are different in those ways, I was happy that we were able to talk on a regular basis and could cope with being distant much better.
This year we made a huge step forward and moved in together. Unfortunately, we lost a bit of our early spark and passion. We would rarely go out on dates and our relationship grew into more of an older married couple. Doing things together became like a chore rather than welcoming activity. But in my eyes, it was a natural way of transitioning into a new and more challenging way of being in a relationship. Looks like I didn’t realize how much it made her lose interest and cool down.
So recently, we were hanging out during lunch and out of the blue she started crying and said that she wants to break up. I was totally shocked… We are still living together but it is really weird and she is just waiting for me to move out. I still don’t completely understand how did this happen and how could she just give up without trying on everything we build. We had a really good time together and we both thought that we were the one. Maybe I’m biased but I don’t think that the reasons above are good enough to end everything just like that.
I’m trying to convince her to give us another chance to recover our relationship like it was in the beginning. But for some reason, she feels to me like a completely different person in the last couple of days. It is also hard to be so humble and submissive to someone who completely gave up on you and is not appreciating your values.
It would be helpful if someone could give an honest opinion about the situation and maybe give an explanation of why did she change like that.
2 comments
You are both very young, so i understand that right now it’s going to feel like a sucker punch and your thoughts will be racing with questions and scenarios etc to try and explain why she is acting this way. I would recommend speaking with her directly, asking her how SHE feels, WHY she feels this way and what YOU can do to perhaps help her etc. Relationships are tough work bro, and you will learn this more and more, especially in your 20’s.
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Living together during this is even more difficult, and can have a strain on a relationship. It’s normal for most relationships to lose that “Honeymoon” period after a year or 2, but if you both love eachother then it shouldn’t be an issue. Maybe ask yourself if you really love her, or if it is as you say complacency as the “old married couple”. Its normal to love someone but no longer be in love. I have been there in your shoes, but it was 10 years of my life until i decided to be honest with myself. You need to do the same. If this is what she wants to do then you need to allow her that, no matter how hard it hurts. But take the time to think about what you want too. This could be a good thing for you. But if you are sure it isn’t what you want, then you fight for it bro, and do what you can but ensure you keep your self worth over everything else and whatever the outcome will be, the one thing you can be proud of is that you were true to YOURSELF.
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Wishing you luck…
Four causes. 1. distance relationship – distance causes love to die. People will disagree with me, but the data suggest I’m right. 2. development – at 20 and 21, 3 years later, you’re practically a different person. People change dramatically in their 20s and to a lesser extent, 30s. The woman you love at 21 is a woman you want to toss out the window at 31. 3. Roommate factor – you discovered what happens when you live together. The other person is someone who stinks up the bathroom, leaves clothes on the floor, interrupts when you’re watching Law and Order, moves your organized pile of files around and in short, irritates you. Gone is the delight to see the person. Rather, when you hear their key in the front door, your stomach sinks a few floors. 4. Another new person – it’s likely but not certain that the girl found somebody new, somebody exciting and possibly someone more compatible with her. So, you see, this was “overdetermined.” It’s no different than your destiny. Forget her, move on, look for a new relationship, and learn. Peace, out.