So my partner(M20) has a childhood best friend(M20)- they’re as tight as they come. When my partner and I started going out last july, I was warned by everyone in his family (as a joke) that for my boyfriend, his best friend is the wife or comes first and I’m the mistress and come second. Of course I found it cute and always went along- I’m cool with it too!
Until a couple of months ago, at new years everyone was sloshed and the car ride back home was four full grown adults shoved into a back seat. He was drunk and so was my partner while I was relatively sober. I went to sit next to my boyfriend but his best friend insisted i sit with him so he sat in the middle and halfway through passed out with his head on my back because I was leaning forwards to make room and his arm around my waist which I found super uncomfortable. I did not talk to my boyfriend about it and wrote it off as a drunken mistake.
I think that gave the message that I was cool with casual physical interactions- I mean I usually am but when the other person is a drunk male- I feel uncomfortable.
This weekend we were out of town for a wedding and all trip long I felt like I was being objectified and touched- whether it be a casual pat on the back or an arm around neck, I was not cool but he was drunk and it kept happening anyway to the point it actually ruined my night and went to bed. The next day he insisted I pack his luggage for him to which I said a big NO and he stopped talking to me and threw a tantrum to the point my partner was with him all day long and hardly spent five minutes with me.
I feel like his friend has a weird notion that they’re sharing me as a girlfriend and that makes me SOSOSOS uncomfortable
My boyfriend sees all this and let’s it happen because he thinks I’m cool. I was but I no longer am. I understand that me discussing this with him might be weird so help me find the right words, I want it to stop.
Also I have to add- his best friend loves that my partner and I are together and has openly expressed how in support of us he is
TL;DR- my boyfriend’s best best best friend is a very physical drunk and he made me uncomfortable. Trying to figure out how to tell my boyfriend
2 comments
Tell your bf that his friend keeps touching you inappropriately when drunk and that you’re not going to be around him anymore, period.
Why would he ask you to pack his luggage? That’s weird. It’s also weird that your bf is consoling him about it. Tell your bf that you no longer feel comfortable around his friend and wont be partaking in any hang outs or events if hes there. Or if you’re still willing to hang out with them but don’t want to be subjected to unwanted touching, you need to tell your bf firmly that he needs to back you up and tell his friend to keep his hands to himself. Your bfs reaction to all of this will tell you a lot about him and how much he respects you. Also prepare yourself for a bad reaction, since 20 yr old guys aren’t super emotionally mature. In any case, you deserve to feel safe and respected, remind yourself to not put up w. any crap.