First year since graduating college and I thought boys in college were bad. As it turns out, it doesn’t get better (at least yet… hopefully.)
Information gathered based on personal experience, anecdotal evidence from female friends, and observing my male friends. And men reading please take this with a grain of salt. Considering you’re on this subreddit you probably aren’t the guys i’m talking about, but you are just a small fraction of the overall dating pool.
Dating men around my age: You get the “here for a good time, not a long time” types, whether it’s on a dating app or at the bar. Messages on apps often begin with some variation of “Heyyyy” “Heyy sexy” or some sort of comment regarding your body (and it’s never your eyes or smile.) You try to push for going out to do an activity such as drinks or a walk in the city and you’re met with some excuse as to why they can’t make an actual date but you should comeover or have them over to “chill.” A hard lesson I had to learn is that hangout/chill do not mean you will be talking and watching movies. (This is how I got raped, so anyone new to dating beware) You will be called a “tease” after not putting out even if you explicitly state that you are not interested in sex. Odds of being ghosted are high in this age group or ghosted until the next Saturday night at 1am. Breadcrumbing is an epidemic that must be stopped in this age group.
Dating men 7+ years older: They usually have enough decorum to take you out to drinks first. Conversation is usually decent and you walk out with your dignity about 50% of the time. The other 50% they will try to get you home with them. It’s honestly a toss up. Most are looking for something serious. However, of that group, 60% are looking for something serious with women their own age. Meaning, that 60% views younger girls as a fantasy for sex, and not someone worth taking seriously. So although he is more mature and serious, he may not be serious about you. So younger girls beware, but I will say you will at least leave the experience with your dignity and he’ll at least make sure you’ve gotten home safe before unmatching you. And a lot of the time the sex will be better, so not a complete waste even if your goal is to find a relationship. Ghosting really depends, early 30s very common, but the older the more courteous. No anecdotal evidence of breadcrumbing which is nice.
5 comments
Wish I could give good advice. But I agree how hard it is to date. I’m just the one of many guys that don’t really get any attention from ladies and usually get rejected anyway. The only thing I can say is focus on yourself and hopefully you can find a new avenue to find the type of partner you want to attract.
Very astute! You’re gonna do great at all sorts of stuff, including dating
It doesn’t get much better when you are a 28-year-old guy. It is probably worse. I can count the number of times I have been matched on a dating site with one hand. But that is usually because of a mistake on her end. You come to realize that you are one guy of hundreds that probably liked her profile. Not because of her looks or because you are just looking to “chill” but because she seems like a fun person to get to know. Maybe have some similar hobbies. You want to take her out and have a good time to see if your predictions were correct. Your immediate thought is not what is in her pants but what is in her head.
But come to find out that you were only matched up for 2 minutes because she accidentally liked your profile. At this point, you are thinking if you’re the problem. So when a girl sends you an actual like you doubt it. You think no way she did that on purpose that she made a mistake or is trying to make fun of you and see just how desperate you are. You talk for a while and agree to meet up only to be sitting there for an hour wondering if she is okay only to be ghosted. Now your confidence is shot and you get rid of the profiles and try in public. Only to be called creepy because you made a compliment or did something nice for someone and they loudly state they are in a relationship and to stop flirting.
Even if you get a date and it went well. You don’t try to push sex. Now she is wondering if I even liked her because I didn’t make a move. I wanted to be respectful and not assume anything. You might get a second date and again don’t push or make her feel pressured. But now she assumes I have to be gay or don’t find her attractive enough or a million other thoughts.
Dating nowadays is a lose-lose situation for both sides.
So 24 years in 2024 will be heavenly?
> they will try to get you home with them.
Better invite home than try to bang you in the back-seat of their car because they live with their parents or 10 room-mates.
>I don’t understand why everyone is so obsessed with NSA sex.
Because you live in a culture where instant gratification is the leader, and time is it price to pay for everything that is going on
If I were you, I’d not join, I’m already 19M and while I haven’t even started, I refuse to participate if I can.
In fact, that should go toward all of this fucked up society that I want nothing to do with.