My boyfriend and I met around 7 months ago on an app like Grindr. The app itself is unlike Grindr in that it’s not _explicitly_ a hookup app. There are settings and questions to answer on this app that are meant to determine dating compatibility.
I never indulged much in the hookup aspect of the app, but I kept the app on my phone with my profile fully filled out, on the off chance that someone looking for something somewhat serious would find me. My boyfriend (who kept his name and face hidden on the app) found me this way and our relationship has been great.
It feels like that Rihanna song — “We Found Love In a Hopeless Place.” I’m actually very proud of the way we met, and that we were both able to make a meaningful connection despite meeting in a “superficial” and stigmatized place, so to speak.
My boyfriend, however, lies to his friends about how we met. He thinks the app we met on is shameful and would be embarrassed if any of his “gay scene” friends found out he was on there. And, you know, I see where he’s coming from, but where does this leave me?
Does my own partner view _me_ as shameful and judge me for having been on the app too? I don’t understand how/why he could be so hypocritical as to not want anyone in the world to know he was on the app or associated with those who use it, but also decide to enter a serious relationship with one of those people (me).
I spoke with my boyfriend last night about this a bit, and he reassured me that he doesn’t view me as some shameful, promiscuous guy. But my boyfriend’s view on our origin story and the fact that the opinions of others matter more than being true to himself and our relationship really hurt.
Am I overthinking all of this? What kind of discussion can I have with my boyfriend that will help both of us get to the bottom of his feelings and to help me feel less judged in our relationship?
**TLDR:** I met my boyfriend on a hookup app. He doesn’t want anyone to know he was on a hookup app, whereas I don’t care. This makes me feel like he admonishes my way of life.
2 comments
He sounds more conservative than you, and that might play out in other ways as well. If he shames you that seems like a problem. If it’s just about this one thing, then can you live with him lying about the app and not take it personally?
Looking at ALL your OTHER posts on OTHER Subreddits about this and other “problems” you are having with your boyfriend, it sounds like you have some serious issues and you and your boyfriend need to GROW UP! Good gods, the petty things you are fighting about AND your need for validation by posting your problems in multiple subreddits!!
My I suggest trying some therapy for yourself, so you can handle on your insecurities and how to mature beyond them and maybe break up with this BF.