My girlfriend seems to need a lot of attention and honestly it’s draining me. I explained to her multiple times sometimes I won’t be able to text back right away and she said she understands but each time this happens she gets passively mad. Today I was at the gym and didn’t text her for about 2 hours because I ran into a buddy of mine and was taking him through my back workout and then we hooped around for a bit. When I left the gym first thing I did was text her which she replied with a one word answer. Later she went off about how I don’t care about her when I stopped replying. This happens all the time. Even if I’m at work. And it’s always my fault. Any advice? I care about her but I can’t be on my phone 24/7.
19 comments
Set boundaries, have a frank and honest discussion about your and her needs and expectations, etc
Then break up with her and run for the hills
Doesn’t she work or do things?
yeah, clinginess can get extremely annoying. sometimes it’s the cause of a breakup, or even a divorce. personal space and boundaries are so important in any relationship.
have you asked why she’s so clingy and needy? is she like this with other people she knows?
It sounds like she’s really needy and jealous. I’m sorry mate, but if she doesn’t realise she has a problem, there’s not a whole lot you can do to change her. you’ll have to decide wether you can live with her being clingy or end the relationship.
Try to arrange a schedule, and stick to it. Even if you just do it on a day by day basis.
“Hey, I’m just getting to work. I want you to know I am thinking of you. You know I can’t be on my phone at work, so I’ll check in with you later. I plan on taking a break at 11:15, and lunch at 12:30. I’ll try to text/call you on my break, and I’ll definitely get in touch with you on my lunch.”
“I’m on my way to the gym. I’ll text you after I’m done there, at about 7pm.”
Just make sure you do actually check in on or close to those times. Even if you say, “Hey, it’s 7 and I just want you to know I’m talking with an old friend. I’ll call you when I’m done here.”
You can’t “make” anyone feel less angry. You can demonstrate that you are reliable, predictable, and safe to depend on. She wants to feel like she’s first on your mind. If you can give her that feeling while still living your life, great. If you can’t, then this is one of those serious conversations that might make or break a relationship.
It sounds like you’ve been clear that texting back immediately isn’t something you can always do. If she says she understands but gets mad about it anyway, I’m not sure there’s much you can do to change the situation. You’ve set the boundary, but she isn’t respecting it. If this is a recurring issue, it might be worth considering taking some time apart from each other or ending the relationship. Your personal space is important, and if your partner can’t respect that, you might be heading into some problematic situations
Doesnt sounds healthy
gotta set boundaries, you are a person and not a Tamagotchi
Anal
This is a clear indication she’s not invested in the relationship. Any time I’ve been with a woman who acts like this, she’s dumped me the second she meets someone else. You can try to have a conversation with her about her behaviour and ask her if she is willing to stop getting upset when you don’t text on her schedule, or if she would rather break up. Be prepared however that you won’t get the answer you want, so be ready to follow through.
Straight forward talk. If she gets pissy, take a hike.
It’s not going to get better. Sorry dude, either take the L and learn to live with it or walk.
I’m not in your shoes but at this point I’d say the best compromise is to tell her in no uncertain terms to make herself scarce.
Set boundaries if she has a problem with that or disagrees, well you know what to do.
You need to talk. This won’t end well if she’ll keep being this way.
This might not be good advice but, sounds like you might have to wait until she matures. I might be wrong but I think everyone grows out of this. I guess it depends how old you guys are. Either way don’t be apologetic for living a normal adult life. Show your concern and empathy and express how you want to make her happy but don’t apologize when you know you’re not doing anything wrong. Try greeting her at the start of your day, share what you’ll be doing that day and mention something like “I’ll be working/studying/whatever but I’ll sneak away for a min to give you a quick call or text to check in and see how you’re doing”. That shows that even though you’re busy, you’re still thinking about her. Let her know where and what you’ll be doing as often as you can. If you’ve never given her a reason not to trust you but you still spot her hiding behind the bushes or sending spies, it might be time to split.
Sounds like she has a possessive co-dependence problem, not a you problem.
People like this don’t just magically stop doing that.
Yea I married that girl. She’s needy,insecure and controlling-run!!!
i’d probably say you either need to stop this shit or I’m moving on. Seriously, don’t put up with that crap and don’t be afraid to walk away. I’m not saying dump her I’m saying set a boundary, stand up for yourself and tell her this shit doesn’t fly.