25M 22F 4 Years – Heartbreak

My girlfriend and I recently passed the 4th year mark. We’ve been through every emotion together. In a very rough time at the moment.

To give some context: When we first started dating, she was very anxious and timid, but very sweet and genuine. We got along very well, took things slow, and fell in love. To this day, I can’t see my life without her. She’s so appreciative, selfless, supportive, loving etc. After a few months of dating and making it official, I found out that her older brother molested her, parents neglected her, and she had been raped a year prior while on a run. Now in most circumstances, this would be too much for a partner, leaving. I was different. I was raised in a single mother household with no father figure since I had to be around 4 years old. I had to grow up and mature quicker than others. I felt awful and continued to support her and love her. Things were rough, especially her being exposed to a different style of living. All she told me was the continuous bad that was going on. This continued probably for close to two years into our relationship. I got her into therapy, as well myself. It was very difficult on me. Eventually, she began not speaking about what was going on at home and kept it to herself from hurting me. I never wanted a relationship with her family from the hurt that they caused her emotionally and mentally, as well as her brothers physically and sexually abusing her. For the four years, I had nothing to do with her family. After years of neglect, her parents agreed to counseling but I think they did it to basically ‘quiet’ her out. I haven’t attended family gatherings of hers or funerals because of what has been engraved into my brain. The future worried me: kids, a family, a wedding. We went awhile without speaking of anything. I could never wrap my head around being around her family after what they did to my girlfriend. It angered me, made me upset, that feeling you get when someone hurts someone so bad that you love so deeply. Everything is magically ‘good’ in her household now. She can’t see this relationship work out if I can’t be there for her during family gatherings or funerals. We’ve never argued, we’ve clicked so well, and both love each other so much. She can’t picture it working out and a break up is the only answer. Neither of us want this. On my end I feel used and betrayed since I’ve been there for her lowest. I don’t want to lose her and I love her so much, as she does the same. It’s just a messed up situation and we’re both breaking because of it.

Any advice is great. Thank you.