I tend to banter well one on one but in groups i become nervpus and fluster a bit since i become more conscious of wheter my banter is funny or not, and so i end up staying quiet in groups.
Its because i assume someone has a better roast up their sleeve and will be able to give it back better to me so i just end up not saying anything or what i will say will just come across as lame. But its mostly because the other person may have a better comeback and i may become the joke so i tend to avoid it.
What should i do?
10 comments
Same way you get to Carnegie Hall.
Practice, practice, practice.
Just go for it
The trick is when someone roasts you back and you got nothiny, be a good sport about and laugh with them. Don’t try and be clever and embarrass yourself.
More interactions with people where you talk to them. Over time it’ll get easier and you’ll grow more comfortable.
You can get comfortable with banter directed at you by being self deprecating. Like “Someone told me today I’m not as dumb as I look. Is that true?” . Or “The last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger broke through the toilet paper.” As far as dishing it out, if it’s a bunch of guys “Hey, what’s up ladies!” is a classic. Yo’ Momma jokes are always good. It’s always nice if you can touch on someone’s pride and poke it a little. If they are proud of their car “Hey nice car Todd, when you gonna get it fixed?” or “You driving your Mom’s car today?”. If they like clothes “Hey, nice shirt. You been hitting up the thrift stores again?” etc
Taking an L in banter is just like all other forms of banter, you should make it fun. You should be confident enough to take a roast, dramatically and playfully self-deprecating works for pretty much everything if you are confident enough to make fun of yourself a little. (warning this is not just saying *oh yeah I guess your right I do suck,* you aren’t answering to them, your answering to yourself within the context of hearing what the other person said, and your making a joke of it and saying it. Like a dramatization of your internal monologue)
There is obviously a line where if someone goes to far you should also be confident enough to unironically set a boundary.
People with really good banter roast other people really hard but also allow themselves to be roasted and sometimes even will piggy back off a roast of themselves with a self-roast that is even funnier then the original roast…roast
I always suggest you read more when this question comes up. Try reading humorists, to get an understanding of timing and pacing, and maybe try reading stories with ensble casts to get a feel for how well written banter in groups looks.
To gather your comfort in group settings you may also want to try watching good improv comics work, or even watch stand ups doing crowd work. I am not a really big fan of stand up or stage comedy, but there’s no denying that a good improvisationalist can command a conversation.
Your problem is you don’t know what to do with yourself if you aren’t the funny one of the group. Stop taking yourself so seriously and roll with the better comeback and acknowledge it was a good one. You don’t need to be king clown every time you walk into a room.
Read the crowd. I used to have this problem until I learned to read a room on the fly. What helped me was developing “characters” off different aspects of my personality and easing into them in different situations.
Say what you want, don’t worry about how it lands as long as it’s respectful. Be open to criticism. A mindset that says “If someone has an issue, I can easily change it,” will help you relax.