Me, 24M. Them, 23F. We met online and things were going great. We were both looking for something serious and we really enjoyed each other’s company. She told me from that start that she is waiting until marriage for religious reasons and I was willing to accept that, despite that fact that I have slept with a handful of girls by this point. I was willing to throw sex out the window for the right girl and all signs pointed to us being a great fit. We got together for food and drinks or ice cream many times and always had a good time.
When we were at her place or mine we would make out and get a little handsy but nothing under the pants. After a couple weeks of dating she spent the night at my place, we had a lot of fun but there was no progression on the physical front. The following weekend we did it again, still no progress with intimacy. We got to talking and she said that was her limit outside of marriage (over the pants hand jobs, taking off her bra, etc). I thought long and hard about it but realized that I need more than this if we wanted to continue. This morning, after another night at my place, I communicated my needs and she said she won’t go any further outside of marriage. So just like that it was over, she packed her things and left.
Now I feel like an ass, should I? I don’t like breaking hearts but I feel like it was the right thing to do. Please help me make sense of this. I haven’t broken many hearts.
tl;dr We split because she couldn’t meet my intimacy needs. Things were great by all other metrics. I feel badly about it. Am I in the wrong?
3 comments
It sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible. I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Because her religion is a very big part of her life, she’s probably better off with someone else who shares the same beliefs. Very rarely can inter-religious relationships work, especially for the very devout.
I would just use this as a lesson. Now you know that waiting until marriage is a dealbreaker for you. If another person in the future brings it up, you can end it right then and there.
There is no “wrong” when it comes to being incompatible. It just is.
You have your wants and desires from the relationship she had hers. Just misalignment. I think this is interesting. Men who have had multiple sexual partners generally aren’t wild about women who have had multiple sexual partners. (Hypocrisy). Is she a virgin – if yes then she can want a traditional relationship. If not she is making you wait until marriage but likely didn’t make the other guy wait – unless she is divorce (hypocrisy).
Either way she left and there is no need to focus on what was. The past is unchangable so why worry about it. Will it help – no. Move on to someone your values align with.