Hello, last week my (35m) girlfriend (31f) had one of her female friends who lives out of state come to stay with her for 10 days. Now this friend has major jealousy, control, and attention issues. My girlfriend has told me of numerous events in the past where this friend has caused issues, fights, gotten jealous anytime that they’ve hung out and my girlfriend didn’t pay her “sufficient attention” or they did things that she didn’t want to do. Most notably this friend made a huge deal at my girlfriends bachelorette party (she’s divorced now) because she felt like my gf didn’t give her enough attention, they didn’t do things that she (the friend) wanted to do and just made everybody miserable and uncomfortable. It’s worth mentioning that this friend is a lesbian and my gf has stated that the friend told her that she has feelings for her.
Now since this friend has been staying at my gfs house this past week, I’ve asked numerous times to see my girlfriend, to meet her friend (because she’s obviously important to her and I want to meet all her people) and she has stated that she does not even want to ask because she knows it will upset the friend, or if she says yes, once we hang out the friend will get shitty and pouty and just cause a scene somehow. During the day when the friend is awake I hardly hear from my gf – and I’m talking one or two words via text every couple hours or so, and we don’t really get any time to talk except in the morning for an hour or two before the friend wakes up and maybe an hour or two before my gf goes to sleep.
Now twice this week my gf had her cousin come and hang out with them and apparently this didn’t make the friend too happy obviously and it really pisses me off that she could come over and hang out with them or that she asked
/told the friend that her cousin was coming over but won’t do the same for me. What infuriates me more is that I have told her that I don’t really even care if I get to see her for that long but I would like to maybe at least meet this friend once, introduce my self, give my girlfriend this gift I had made for her that’s just sitting here and that’s it. Literally just asked her for a few minutes of her time and she refuses. It also makes me extremely angry because 3 days before this friend flew in, my gf had just gotten back from Florida for 2 weeks due to a death in the family.
I feel like an afterthought, or like I’m not important enough for her to even ask this friend if it’s ok if they hang out with me for a day and if not that just a few minutes to meet her and introduce me to her.
I’m just wondering what’s the best way I can talk to her about this after the friend leaves? I’ve tried but usually it’s during the day when the friend is awake and I’m getting one worded/short response texts every few hours and I usually end up just being reactive, shutting down, or giving her attitude. I’m really pissed off here but more than that my feelings are hurt. I feel like if I bring this up again even after the friend leaves it’ll just make her angry/push her away.
tldr; my girlfriend has ditched me for a very selfish, jealous, controlling friend and I don’t know how to talk to her about this.
3 comments
Why do you want to see her at all. She has shown you how far up in the pecking order you are. Stop playing the pick me dance, go NC until she wants to speak to you. This has nothing to do with her friend it has everything to do with the respect your gf has for you.
I wouldn’t be in too much of a hurry to forget this.
Maybe you should be the one getting shitty and pouty just cause a scene somehow. Maybe your GF would want to pay attention to you if you did that. /s
Tell your GF straight up how her (your GF’s, not the attention vampire friend) is making you feel, like you’re an afterthought or not important. And do it before the friend leaves. Your GF deserves to know how she is making you feel in spite of the shitty friend. Remember, your issue isn’t with the shitty friend, it’s with your GF’s behavior. If she uses the shitty friend as an excuse, ask her who she’s talking about because the last time you checked, your GF was your GF and not some stranger that you don’t even know.
Haha, I have a friend who was in a similar sistuation.
But it was her BF who was giving her hard time.
She said, ‘My friend, Z, is coming for a couple of weeks and I told him all sorts of things about her, but he still wants to meet her!’
‘And what’s the problem?’
‘She’s a female Cassanova. She’s slept with every attractive guy we met ever since college, so I’m not letting her get to him this time.’