Hey guys! Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years now. Our relationship is really unstable, and we both suffer mentally in some capacity. I really love her and care about her, and I would give everything for her. At the start of our relationship I was extremely controlling, and had the habbit of becoming really unstable over fights. I’ve worked a lot on myself and became healthier and more stable. I did a lot of this for her, so we could be healthier. I’m stable, and I’m grounded a lot of the times. Trying to de-escalate the situation.
One of the things that has helped me become healther is keeping a journal. This journal is used as a coping mechanism, where I just write down random intrusive thoughts that I have. I have to tell you these thoughts can sometimes be brutal and unhinged. They ground me though, and are a huge help in keeping our relationship healthier.
In the past weeks our fight have been pretty ugly, but I’ve kept my cool. Not said anything ugly to her, or done anything irrational. I’ve been pretty emotionally detached, because our relationship is so unstable. The ups are amazing, but the downs are horrible, so I try to not be as emotionally detached as possible. My girlfriend noticed something was off about me, so she read my journal. Without context it’s pretty ugly and brutal, but they are my thoughts. I write bad stuff in the journal to pass away those thoughts. She’s really hurt, which I understand, and angry. She’s questioning me about everything I wrote. I try to explain it off. Am I in the wrong here? I feel that I am. I don’t feel like it’s a big deal, I just feel bad that she’s hurt over it.
TL;DR girlfriend read my journal, which had some bad stuff about her. I feel like I’m in the wrong.
5 comments
She betrayed you. She read your personal journal. Personally, I would not be able to forgive that. Given that your relationship is bad anyway, and you are coping by distancing yourself from your relationship, why continue it? When it’s so bad that you need to detach and she’s so desperate to understand why you ended the relationship without telling her that she invades your privacy, why bother to keep up the charade?
I would consider seeking out a romantic relationship that is more stable. I don’t think it’s great that you have to try and stay emotionally detached from the person that is closest to you in order to preserve your mental health.
She is put off by your control when that is your goal. Does she just like drama or something? Maybe has never dealt with a stoic.
You are not in the wrong. Short of maybe you are cheating or doing something illegal your girlfriend should not be reading your journal. Get a lock box or something or a password protected app to keep your journal for your eyes only.
You are not in the wrong on this. Not at all. You are using the journal to record those thoughts to deal with them. Yes they maybe brutal but it is an exercise and sounds like it is working as you are more in control. Explain this to your girlfriend is about all you can do.
Anyone who violates your privacy lile this isn’t emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.
Noone is in the wrong. Well ok your being extremely controlling isn’t helping.
But you two are just very, very wrong for eachother.
Love is sadly not everything. Your love might be passionate and feel everlasting but … it isn’t.
Your personal horrible thoughts need to be adressed by a psychologist. And I mean it. The fact you’re talking about “working on yourself” is not enough. Your own work will not do it. You need outside help. Do you understand?
I’m not saying your girlfriend is perfect (which I’m sorry to say I would assume you’d think), what I’m saying is that neither of you are in a good mind for a relationship. You need to break up and go find immediate therapy. Both of you. But you first.