Women fear men as a whole. I think that’s pretty clear. What can men do to make women out there feel more comfortable?
Hygiene? Fashion? Friendly expression? Gentleman-tendencies?

28 comments

  2. If you’re walking on the sidewalk behind a woman you don’t know, slow down and give her some more space. It also helps to cough a couple of times so she knows you’re not trying to sneak up on her. If you’re in a rush and can’t slow down, cross the street. I know it’s inconvenient, but sometimes you’ve just gotta do it.

    Alternatively, you can speed up and pass her. Might make her jump, but at least she’ll know that you’re not following her.

  3. I don’t think hygiene or fashion have much to do with it. It sounds like youre more interested in attracting them than you are in making them feel safe.

  4. Coming from a woman, the biggest thing so far that I’ve noticed when I feel safe is genuine and lighthearted conversation with appropriate physical distance.

  5. Just notice when you’re making a woman nervous and make adjustments to make her more comfortable. Don’t take it personally—us young women always have to be on edge when out in public alone.

    I remember I was once about to pass a man that made me concerned because he looked like he was getting ready to make a move into the street. I made eye contact with him and I think he could tell that he was making me nervous. He gave me a pleasant smile that relieved my tensions and I really appreciated that!

    A lot of men do the opposite. I was recently walking past this man on the way to my car and he made me uncomfortable by how close we were going to be when he walked past me. I made eye contact with him and he continued to stare me down and then walked straight at me to the point where I had to jump away. It was almost as if he got pleasure out of making me uncomfortable.

  6. Genuinely? Leave us alone.

    Respect boundaries, don’t push if we say no, if we seem to be making excuses to leave then let us. If we step away from you or create distance, allow that distance. When we disengage from a conversation, let the conversation die.

    I’m telling you straight up, hygiene, fashion, friendliness, gentlemen tendencies — none of that is gonna fix much. Depending on your attitude, it might even make things more uncomfortable.

    Many women have had experiences of men behaving with baseline human decency and expecting compensation for it. I once gave a single sentence reply to a man who asked me questions as I walked by because I didn’t want to be rude. As a result, he followed me to a store, waited outside in the parking lot for half an hour (he did not come inside), and then when I left, he tried to *convince* me to get in his car. He didn’t stop until I reached for my pepper spray.

    Anything you do with the intention of getting women to talk to you more is going to backfire and make most women more uncomfortable around you. Women are used to any level of attention meaning “I want something from you.” Bear that in mind.

    If you want to reach out with a chance for future communication, offer her your number. Don’t make her text you or call you. Don’t try to get any information out of her — offer yours, and then you’d probably want to leave soon afterwards.

    But yeah, the TLDR is give her space, let her lead, respect the boundaries, and don’t try to get more than she freely offers

  7. coming from an FtM person- i’ve changed how i compliment women. not my friends/family but like coworkers, strangers, classmates etc. basically, if it might come across as me hitting on them and make them uncomfortable, reconsider. i’m glad i was quick to realize that now i have a deep voice, a lot of women are going to react differently to things like “you look cute today!” i’m not too worried about saying “oh i love your nails” with a natural upspeak to my classmate who knows i’m gay. but a lot of girls/women have this experience of unwanted attention from men, even if it’s positive. impact over intent.

    on the flipside as someone who was once a teen girl on the receiving end of men who were “just being nice”/”just making conversation” if i were you i would definitely listen to the women in the comments, familiarize yourself with the idea that people can be “overly friendly.” you don’t have to be cold, but there’s a certain level of lingering that’s uncomfortable regardless of your gender.

  8. Oh my God, there’s just so much to say, I mean… you could open the door to one woman and she would like it and you could open the door to another and she would be offended. Usually, the woman who likes it feels secure, and the other one experienced men who “opened the door” to get something else. And that feeling is extremely uncomfortable.

    So, I would say, don’t expect anything from women. Don’t give her something and expect something back. If she seems uncomfortable, replies short answers, looks around when you talk to her, disengage. You might not know what made her uncomfortable, but if you don’t push further, you are likely making her feel more safe already.

    Don’t follow her around. I’ve had stalkers and guys who just “were in the area all of a sudden haha”. It’s scary. I don’t give my location. Don’t initiate physical contact unless she does or flirts with you and seems comfortable. Also, don’t try to get her in a secluded area.

    If you are walking behind a woman and she’s always watching back, just pass in front of her. Or change direction. Please. We can get jumped so easily. A guy followed me almost all the way to my flat the other day, I was so scared

  10. Majority of women don’t care about men unless we have to.

    Meaning, they’re actively *doing* something.

    So don’t do anything. We don’t want you to. We don’t care you exist, just like you don’t care about the stranger that walks by you on a busy afternoon. Same thing.

  11. Start calling out misogynistic behavior or language of people you know, especially family and close friends. Inform yourself on topics like feminism, violence against women, critical thinking in general. Consume media made by women. Become politically active. Give money to female-fronted businesses, media, etc, and withhold your money, time, attention, etc. from misogynistic ones.

  12. Some things that make me (27F) feel safer around a guy would be:

    – If I’m passing someone seeing them cross the road to give me space
    – offering to meet somewhere public first,
    – if I’m being dropped off, they waited for me to get into the house before leaving
    – not bringing a drink to me but going up to the bar together or getting the drink directly from the bartender/server

  13. Well the older men can please stop eyeing me up and down whenever I have a dress /skirt or even a little bit of cleavage.

    Went on a date with my bf and this old man hung half out his car and stuck his tongue out and wiggled it up and down. Sometimes thee old men just stare at you and its creepy and uncomfortable.

  14. stop befriending guys who women have had bad experiences with. you’re as good as the company you keep

  15. Harsh love moment: sorry to tell you, but from your profile it seems like you’re a bit of a creep and it also seems like you acquired from home. Women are humans. Have basic manners and decency, and know you’re always going to come out as a creep to some women because you can’t control people and how they feel. Be nice and not in order to get something back – but just because. Also, and I’m saying this out of honest thought and not to troll, seek mental care like a therapist.

  16. Pretty much everyone is telling you to do nothing and just mind your own business/be a decent human and you still don’t seem to accept that as an answer lol

  17. Immediate no to all of those things. If you want them to feel safe you just mind your own business.

  18. For me the answer was to stop worrying so much if I’m making women feel unsafe.

    I assume that by asking this question, you are not some kind of preditor. You would know that too, so you have no need to look outward for confirmation of it.

    Who else is most concerned about not appearing like a preditor? Preditors. Trying to be better at “acting” like your safe than actual preditors is a losing game.

    Ideally, just stop thinking thinking about it. Yeh, some people will misjudge you, but you win them back on the follow through by continuing not to care. Other times people are just paranoid or insane, not your problem.

    Not saying if choosing between 2 otherwise equal options not to chose the one that signals safety. But sometimes it just makes no sense to cross the road, eg if your destination is right there. In those cases just try not to care. The more you practice it, the more it’s true, the safer people feel around you.

  20. 1. Start treating us like humans, instead of objects.
    2. Take a stand when one of your own friends misbehaves with or disrespects women.
    3. Learn to take no gracefully and back off once she makes it clear she’s not interested.
    4. Stop ogling.

    (These are some of the things that personally make me feel unsafe and uncomfortable)

  27. Don’t get too friendly and personal too fast. If you’ve only known a man for an hour, you talk to him about the weather and traffic. That’s the same kind of thing you should talk about with a woman you’ve only known for an hour.

    Some men ask women personal questions too quickly, and then suddenly everyday things like an Uber ride, a maintenance visit, become awkward, uncomfortable, and even creepy.

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