Should I [25F] leave my eight year relationship with my partner [26M] after he has been unsupportive?

My s/o [26M] and I [25F] have been together for almost eight years. We got together very young and went through significant ups and downs throughout our relationship. We’ve always loved each other but we’ve gone through peaks and troughs of emotional immaturity and traumas of a varying nature. In the aftermath of his parent’s death, he had a long affair with a good friend of mine in the first year of our relationship which I forgave. The past two years of our relationship has been the most stable it has ever been and I finally felt like we had overcome the hardships together, we’d proved to each other that we were right in having stuck it out and that we were finally on a healthier, more emotionally mature and supportive path.

This new direction seems to have reversed in the past six months and I am not sure what to do.

My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in late August. He wasn’t early stage Stage 4, but rather had tumours absolutely everywhere in his bones. The doctors gave him a few months to live out of the blue as he’d had no particularly obvious symptoms aside from a bit of fatigue. My family and I ransacked the world in a matter of weeks to find specialists and experimental treatments and we were blessed enough to find such treatments on the other side of the world. We were given incredible financial help by our close friends and we embarked on this journey to try and save him. We are a family of four and two of my family members had expired passports so I was the only one that could go with my dad while the rest of the family fixed the passport situation.

I spent around a month taking my dad to his treatments which spanned two countries in Europe. Some of the treatments had complications and he was incredibly difficult to move and all of a sudden was not very lucid as he was in so much pain. By myself I drove my rambling, pained, dying dad hundreds of kilometres to get his treatments, making sure he took all his medicines, trying my best to make him food and all the while abandoning everything about my life overseas as I dealt with this situation in foreign countries.

During this time I slept maybe 2/3 hours per night, dropped 8 kg, could not eat except for coffee and cigarettes and had to dissociate to handle the intensity of this time. I handled it and I got my dad through everything in one piece.

I left the country about four weeks after diagnosis and before I left i had asked my s/o to please just call me twice a day. We didn’t have to discuss heavy subjects but I needed him to be present so I could hear his voice and have someone on the other end of the phone that was just my support. I don’t think I had ever needed support more at any other time in our whole relationship.

My boyfriend did not communicate with me. He would get in touch maybe once every three days, as the month went on this extended to maybe once a week despite my begging him to please be in touch more. This would not have been a problem normally, but I was going through so much that three days would feel like weeks, and so much would happen in that time it felt like he just was not present. We had about four arguments over this where I begged him to please be in touch more, and to answer my calls more regularly as I was absolutely desperate to talk to my partner, the only person in my life that was meant to be there for me and didn’t require me to give medical updates, or fix situations or be strong. I became so desperate to talk during this ordeal that I spent every waking minute I wasn’t attending to my dad on the phone and I texted an old friend of mine after a long time of not speaking letting him know what was happening.

This old friend of mine did not hesitate and bought a plane ticket to see me while my dad was getting treatment. He provided me with the comfort I was so desperate for and I accepted. I cheated on my s/o. That moment was the only source of light throughout the whole ordeal and had it not happened I don’t think I would have had the strength to carry the mission to term and get my dad back home.

After the rest of my family flew over and joined us we have remained in Europe for further treatments. Months later, my family and I are waiting on a scan to see the clinical situation but my dad has no pain, his energy is back, and it would be impossible to believe his diagnosis had I not lived through this time with him. I feel so grateful every day.

My s/o felt so guilty he was not in touch the way he should have that instead of apologising and getting in touch more he ended up avoiding the whole thing and ended up not speaking to me at all for around two months. During this time, my old friend and I saw each other two more times where I again accepted the comfort. My friend has quite simply been around for me during this time and has been in touch consistently with no drama but just support.

My s/o came back into my life about a month ago, and I was honest about having cheated on him although I did not specify who it was with and he didn’t ask. He is remorseful about not having been in touch but at the same time continues to not ask me how I am or show interest in how I am doing. He is upset I can’t come back home right now, and feels as though I abandoned him. Every time I try and have a conversation to try and find a reason to help me forgive him and let go of this resentment he hangs up the phone or will stop speaking with me again.

I know this man loves me and I have loved him for my entire adult life, but I have no idea how to move forwards with this relationship and I don’t know if I can let go of this resentment. I feel so guilty I cheated and had an affair but at the same time I know I would have collapsed had i not had that support.

I don’t know what to do with my relationship right now because while I love him I have completely lost trust that he could be there for me in future difficult moments. I don’t know if I even have the energy to work on rebuilding that trust and I don’t know if he can either knowing I’ve cheated. I don’t know how to move forwards from here. I am also still overseas and every aspect of my life has been turned upside down and I don’t know if it is even prudent to end a relationship of so long without meeting in person to figure out if it can still work.

TDLR: I cheated on my partner while I was taking care of my dying dad overseas and my partner refused to give me support. I confessed to my cheating but do not know if I should leave my relationship.