My bf and I have been together for the past 5 years. In 2020 we broke up when he moved to another city but never truly separated. We ended in good terms, so we maintained a lover/friends relationship while being “single”. In early 2022 he started seeing a girl from his job and shortly told me we need to break up for real because he wanted to start a relationship with her. They split a few months later and we come back together. He told me it did not work and didn’t even have real sex, just naked stuff.
I suspect they never truly separated either.
Last week I planned to go to the office and decided to go a little later, then he received a text “I’m outside your apartment” from her when I was supposed to be on my way, I asked for an explanation and he told me she just send those silly texts because his apartment is on her way to work. I told him these text makes me feel extremely awkward and to clarify thing with her, he said he was afraid to hurt her because she has no other friend than him (although he talked about her friends when they were together) and that I always cry for nonsense. He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again BUT THEN I came to visit my parents in another city, and he brought her to his apartment to spend the day together just 2 days after I left.
He insists on spending time with her, going to concerts, spending the night together when “she’s sick”, at work, at her apartment, at his’, giving each other gifts etc.
I have never had a problem with his friends, male or female, but their friendship makes me uncomfortable and i have told him several times. He tells me I get upset over nothing and that is a complicated situation because “he would have to choose between being happy with his friends or me”. He says I have nothing to worry about because “they never concreted sex, just oral sex” and he’s very in love with me. We are moving together next month.
What would you do?
2 comments
He’s quite clearly lying to you. You need to walk away.
What the heck is up with this guy? Having her over conveniently when you are out of town, texts letting him know she is at his place, giving each other gifts, spending time at each other’s places, going to concerts, and literally spending the night together. I mean… it sounds like they are in a relationship. And what is up with his argument that you can trust him with her because they did not technically have intercourse before… as if that has anything to do with anything.
If she was really just a “friend”, he would not be acting so shady. Have you ever spoken to this woman before? If not, I think now is as good of a time as any to get to know her. Tell him to invite her for dinner at his place, with you there as well. If he refuses, well you have all of the answers you need. People don’t keep “friends” away from their partners. If he won’t allow you to spend time with her, then there is something else going on.