So I 26f started seeing this guy 28m and things were amazing. We were on the same page about everything, very open communication, there was such strong chemistry. We went on 3 dates over 3 weeks and we’re talking constantly.
The catch, so he recently go out of a 4yr+ relationship around 3 months ago. When I first found out I had concerns but he assured me that he wasn’t hung up on her or anything. After our 3rd date, which was the first semi serious beyond a first date type of date, I could tell something was up and I had a feeling that it might be too much too soon for him. Well if you can’t tell by the title I was right. He told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet and he needed to work on some things.
I 100% get it and understand and I want him to figure things out for himself. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us if he’s not in a place to fully commit. I’ve been there. I told him that when he is ready I wouldn’t be against seeing where things are between us. He thanked me for being cool about it and understanding and that’s the last we spoke.
Under all the romantic and flirty bits I do genuinely like him as a person and I don’t want to lose him from my life. I’m sure that part of me wants to be around when he is ready again but I don’t expect that to happen anytime soon and I want to stay friends with him. Be able to send him cool stuff that he would like or chat every once in a while. But I definitely don’t want to be friend zoned.
How do I go about asking him to be friends, or should I even ask. Also how long should I wait to reach out? It ended very recently so I do any to wait a bit to ensure that I have no ulterior motives, but I do want to ask. Please help and tell me what/ how I should do.
TLDR: how do I ask a guy who ended thing because he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet to stay friends?
3 comments
It doesn’t really sound like he wants to be your friend, but you can just reach out and ask.
In order to stay friends, you would need to *be* friends. You went on three dates, so you would really be asking to *become* friends.
Further, he lied to you when he said he wasn’t hung up on his very recent ex. (Which was a rather obvious lie, by the way.)
You really don’t know him as well as you *feel* like you do. You weren’t “on the same page about everything” – for example, wanting to be in and being ready for a relationship. You didn’t have open communication – he lied! So no, I don’t think it’s worthwhile attempting to become friends with him, particularly given that you would be hoping and waiting for him to come around.
Are you more interested in having a friend or in being around when he’s “ready for a relationship”? You’ve got to give one of them up.