I’m 43 and I’ve had sexual anxiety since I’m 17 because I am extremely sensitive and have your classic lifelong PE. I remember my first kiss at 17, I orgasmed. I know, probably quite common, however while dating her, everytime we would start moving forward with things new to me, I would orgasm even without being touched because my penis would rub on my pants or underwear. We broke up because she started to get frustrated with my anxiety about orgasm. Next gf, it was a little better. We dry humped a lot and I was mostly able to control longer but then there were a few times I came and she got mad at me for getting her clothes wet. Then I had a hookup after breaking up with her, and the girl wanted to have sex, but I was still a virgin at 20 so I said no, so she gave me my first blow job and I came in 10 seconds in her mouth and she got pissed at me and left.
So early on I had a lot of trauma and then I met a girl, more experienced and she had a lot of patience with me and highly sexual. She was my first and I still came in 30 seconds but she wouldn’t put me down about it. However I couldn’t get out of my own head about how I wasn’t as good as her ex was and I was always a quick trigger with BJs and sex. Eventually we broke up after a few years.
So fast forward today. Married 11 years. I have been on different SSRIs, tried creams, breathing, you name it. My penis is probably MORE sensitive now than ever. I last only a few seconds of PIV or BJ. Been through the worst experience of my life with my wife’s affair partly due to my sexual anxiety. We hardly ever had sex as she has a low libido. She doesn’t like that I don’t last long sexually so she avoids sex with me. Divorce isn’t an option right now. But I haven’t had any success overcoming this. I bought the Sexual Kung Fu course to see if this will work for me.
Mainly, I am not comfortable with sex and don’t know how to be. If there were to be any spark or initiation, the first thoughts that enter my head are anxiety over not being able to control my ejaculation and not wanting to be touched because of how sensitive I am when I get an erection, which happens very quickly still. I know there are women that would have no problem with someone like me and some even enjoy seeing their man get off so quickly with them.
2 comments
>I’ve had sexual anxiety since I’m 17
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>So early on I had a lot of trauma
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>However I couldn’t get out of my own head
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>Mainly, I am not comfortable with sex and don’t know how to be.
>
> the first thoughts that enter my head are anxiety
Over and over you mention the source of your issue, yet no where do you mention where you sought help for what is going on in your head. Therapy my friend.
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>worst experience of my life with my wife’s affair partly due to my sexual anxiety.
This is BS and a great jumping off point for therapy. Your wife cheating was not due to you, not even partly. If she was so unsatisfied and a decent human she would of left if she couldn’t handle your guys sex life.
Being comfortable with something (i.e. anything) is a personal experience. It’s all about how you *feel* in the moment.
You’ve clearly had some bad experiences, and those experiences have given you some reasonable feelings of anxiety.
That said, I don’t think the PE is the issue.
What happened afterwards is the problem.
Being shamed for something you can’t control is wrong. Full stop. No further questions. You were treated poorly by people you cared for, and you have every right to be hurt.
But. If I’m reading this right, you also need to take some personal responsibility for where you are now.
You tell us a lot about your feelings, but nothing about your partners. Nothing about what you did to make sure they had a satisfying experience too. No honest conversations about what to do after you ejaculate.
If sexy time was all over, because you shot your shot in 30 seconds, well… I’d be frustrated with you too.
If you want to make progress, you have to learn to work with what you have. Whether that’s 10 seconds or 10 hours. And you have to do it **with your partner**. You won’t start feeling comfortable until you start having fun **together**.
If your penis doesn’t have a lot of time to work with, find other ways to have fun. Go master your oral skills. Explore some kinks. Use it as an excuse to worship your partner for a while.
Best case, you might even catch a second wind and go for round two (or more)!