So I (28F) was dating this guy (32M) I met through a girlfriend of mine for about 6 weeks. We saw each other 7 times in this time frame and really hit things off from the first date! However, I broke things off after asking for exclusivity and him saying he wasn’t ready for anything serious yet. I typically won’t spend more than 2-3 dates with someone unless I see they have potential, so spending this much time with him meant a lot to me.
We were sleeping together and he slept over a few times. On most of our dates we spent upwards of 6 hours together and would mostly just be talking the whole time which made me feel quite connected to him.
Basically I’m asking if I’m crazy for cutting things off? Maybe it was too soon? Everyone is different, I know that. But it seemed like a lot of time and intimacy only to still have one foot out the door and deny exclusivity.
TL;DR! – cut things off with a guy I was seeing after 7 weeks because he didn’t accept exclusivity. Asking for advice on whether I jumped the gun or not.
4 comments
If he’s not ready then he’s just into hooking up and potentially stringing you along. I’m in a similar situation and I’m on the verge of cutting him off completely. Only reason i haven’t yet is because of the emotional bond we’ve formed over the past few months and we both care for each other (known each other for years).
Whatever you value is important. If you feel like you’re being used, with no promise of commitment, then go your separate ways. There’s no telling wether he’ll suddenly be “ready” if you keep giving him what he wants without the commitment.
Do you know if he’s been exclusively seeing you?
I don’t think you jumped the gun cutting things off. It sounds like you had a mismatch in terms of what you were looking for. I would be concerned about moving forward in that scenario as well, but that’s just me. Everyone has a different tolerance level when it comes to exculsivity. In all of my relationships, we’ve been exclusive prior to the 1 month mark. Exclusivity is also one of my personal prerequisites before going all the way physically.
You’re not crazy and you did the right thing, but I think we can go a little further and help you for next time.
What you’re looking for out of a relationship should be discussed with a potential relationship on either date 1 or at latest before sleeping together. 7 dates over 6 weeks and you’re just finding out that he’s not interested in a relationship with you?
Also, you’re going to find that guys in general will cut and run as soon as you bring this up. Men 28-34 are literally besieged by women trying to form commitments after partying from ages 16-27. And to make it worse, the guys are finally making some money and feeling like adults. Early 30s is about the largest age-compatibility range for guys, so many of the ones that stay single that long are *not* interested in settling down when they finally have some pull in the market. Women’s party years are 18-29, men’s party years are 29-35.
Have you considered dating older? Late 30s would put you into a life phase where many more men are ready to settle down. The other option would be to date younger, but younger men aren’t typically interested in or attractive to women in their late 20s.
Anyways, good luck out there and I hope you find a good match.
Yeah, when they say they aren’t ready for anything serious, the “with you” is silent but it’s there. I don’t think you were wrong.