Long story short, last week my bf went on a business trip to Hawaii. I was aware of this since the beginning of the mont, he said it was an important project etc.
He’s been there since Friday, but we got into a fight last night because he told me to call him and he said to do so later because he was listening to music getting ready, and when we called me he said they were going dinner and see the sunset after, and I asked who ? And he said , Emma and I (his boss) and I was like ??? That sounds more like a date to me.
Things escalated to the point where he told me they were staying at the same suite together but separate rooms and later on an texted him explaining while I felt upset but if they had unlimited budget for the trip why he didn’t pick s complete separate room
Turns out is because the job was canceled but Emma wanted to go anyways and they went together, she paid for everything and said it was to celebrate his anniversary at his job.
And they did minimal work . I suppose remote but it was to justify the expenses
At this point I was infuriated
He said it was more a vacay than a work trip but he didn’t know until they were about to leave…
And I told him that was trip was like a sugar Momma pays for everything kind of trip because that’s exactly what happened and he knew and went along with it and never said anything about it .
I’m upset, hurt and so pissed I want to break up because now every single time he goes on a trip with her I’m gonna be overthinking and that’s not a way of living for me.
He’s just saying like wtf I do respect you , she’s just my boss but I think I’m on the whole reason to be mad here. He comes back tomorrow
EDIT: on how the problem developed since this morning
1) I want to give more context. This is a family business. These people are old money. The owners are Emma’s parents. They’re kinda old people and she’s maybe 40 something. I’ve met all of them twice . Once in thanksgiving and also at another function I was invited to. The owners have asked me before along with him to go on a small trip to AZ so I never felt bad vibes coming from none of them neither from Emma. So when some people tell me to tell hr I don’t know how that would really change anything since the owners are literally her parents and they knew they went there.
2) I was aware of this trip as the other one they made a few weeks ago but he withheld a lot of info about things that changed regarding the trip and the project they were gonna do I was completely unaware of. Which indeed turn into more of a vacation.
3) I blocked him on literally everything and told him to get his keys and stuff with his neighbor he then called me from another number later on today and trying to explain himself. He did admit that it was inappropriate doing so but he didn’t think anything about it since he and Emma and the family are friends.
He asked me to make it right but I told him but he broke my trust and I couldn’t keep living thinking and not trusting him every single time now when she travels with her.
4) he told me he would be willing to tell the owners that for future travels not to go with her or only male coworkers or even bring me with him to make it right and told me that if he was in my shoes he woulda felt weird out about me going with another men on a trip.
5) I haven’t changed my mind about the break up. I told him that was a break up for me and what he said didn’t change a thing. I have had toxic relationship in the past and sometimes when you forgive and give second chances only opens the door for more disrespect in the future.
EDIT 6
He’s still blocked from everything and I just called the Fairmount in Hawaii to ask about the rooms arrangements and they confirmed to me that ALL suites are ONE king size bed and a living room and villas are one king size beds and rooms with 2 queen beds but same room. Ex bf and boss are staying in a suite so yes. He lied about that too.
40 comments
They’re fucking each other, no doubt about it.
Even taking him at his word and painting him in the best possible light, he has no backbone to stand up to his extremely inappropriate boss, is being dishonest with you, and then has the gall to tell you you’re overreacting.
Wtf. Break up with him when he gets back.
Dont be stupid, while he is away move your stuff or his stuff out of the house.
Are you genuinely unsure what to do?
What are you considering?
This is the same guy from your history who is always working late and working weekends and you have been dating for less than 1 year?
Message him that you are over. He is cheating on you, do not doubt that.
He’s cheating on you with her. Or, in the alternative, he’s cheating on her with you.
Either way, leave. Don’t be a fool OP.
Break up with him. He’s totally fucking her.
Yeah, he’s crossed all the lines. He lied to you about the trip, he hid the sleeping arrangements, he omitted that it’s just him and his boss.
Not good. Wait til he gets home and dump his lying ass
If the roles were reversed, you’d be the ex-girlfriend by now. There is no way it wasn’t romantic break away.
I’d leave.
Have his bags packed and he can continue his vacation at his Sugar Momma’s place. Staying the same suite, this was most likely planned from the beginning. Did he prove separate bedrooms with FaceTime?
I would be tempted to go nuclear and call their HR and ask if going on company paid trips to Hawaii and sharing a suite is normal company protocol between an employee and their manager. But thats just me.
Same suite in an airbnb? We need more info like what does he do for work? Is this a legit business trip or a vacation?
You make it sound like a vacation in your post in which case I’ll agree with all the other comments.
Your are old enough to find an adult to partner up with… Just saying
Im sorry you have to deal with this.
Be smart about it. Think things through.
He works late and on weekends frequently. Does he receive financial or PTO compensation?
He knew ‘the job’ got cancelled but went anyways.
They are staying in the same suite.
He does not want to talk with on the phone because they have music playing. Really?
He does not offer details.
He minimizes your feelings.
He is gaslighting you at every turn.
He has broken your trust.
It is time for you to put yourself first and start to develop an exit strategy.
Sounds like a romantic getaway.
Please, get out! I know it’s sad and hard, but your partner CHOSE to go on vacation with his boss, and I guarantee he knew a lot longer than he is saying. He is just spinning the story so he can make it look like he is not complicit in the decision to go on vacation with his boss.
His actions show he has little respect for you and your relationship. If you accept this, you are essentially greenlighting his current and future bad behaviors and indiscretions.
Be kind to yourself!! You deserve better and should want better for yourself.
DUMP HIM. He can go live with her!!! Fuck him!!! Professionals never do that never!!! Also call their HR make them pay for it!!!
Same suite, different rooms. Yeah, sure…
Yeah that’s 100% wierd I’ve never had a boss take me on a trip to celebrate and leave my partner at home, there sleeping together and I’d text him I hope it was worth it because by the time you are back your stuff will be outside/ or you will be gone depending on your situation. Either way let him know you won’t be there when he back and he is 100% disrespecting you and you believe there sleeping together he can paint it as a business trip all he wants but he sleeping with her, and the relationship is done. I’d also contact his HR and tell them about it
This is wildly inappropriate on more than one level.
I hope you file a complaint with her company, and if she’s the boss/ owner, your bf had better be ready to quit.
He lied. What’s his excuse? He knew you wouldn’t approve and spoil his fun.
You are very much not overreacting.
Yeah… That’s a romantic vacation, not work related. I wouldn’t trust a single thing he said about it. Time to break up.
>He said it was more a vacay than a work trip but he didn’t know until they were about to leave…
And he didn’t tell you this as soon as he found out because…. ? He also had several days? Let me guess- I didn’t want to worry you, I knew you would be mad (rightfully so), I didn’t do anything with boss (you don’t know that he’s already lying)
>I’m upset, hurt and so pissed I want to break up because now every single time he goes on a trip with her I’m gonna be overthinking and that’s not a way of living for me
You should break up with him because he’s a liar and a sleeve, as simple as that. You don’t need any more reasons than that.
>He’s just saying like wtf I do respect you
And how has he shown you this respect? By lying to you about his true activities? The reason he didn’t tell you is because he wanted to enjoy his weekend with his sugar mommy without having to worry about you. I would lose all respect for this man after this
>he comes back tomorrow
I would already have his things packed before that. Make sure you have people there so he doesn’t cause a scene or harm you in any way. Good luck and be safe.
He has no respect for you or your relationship. You need to be done with him. If he says you are overreacting, he is gaslighting you. You are right to be upset that a business trip is actually a gift vacation that you were not included in. I think you are under reacting.
(1) He is lying and is obviously an affair with the boss
(2) If they are using company money, it’s fraud. They had no reason to go and yet they used company money? Part of me thinks that they used their own money to go, because getting expensive travel approved is not easy and you have to state the purpose of the trip, and multiple people have to approve it (boss’ boss, accounting, etc.)
You need to separate everything; if you live together, talk to your landlord. Report them to their company for fraud!
He went on vacation with a woman. It wasn’t business related. He can try to spin it any way he wants and use every excuse in the book, but he is now dating his boss in a remote location. He might not feel like he is, but he is dumb. Put his stuff at the curb to pick up when he gets back.
He doesn’t respect you if he wasn’t honest with you. He waited until he was in Hawaii and pressed to tell you about the change of the trip. As soon as the project was cancelled, even if that happened while in Hawaii, he should have told you. And clearly it didn’t happen on the flight, since they are sharing a suite, she is paying for everything, and they made it a different “celebration” which means they knew in advance that this trip was turning in to a vacation.
Bottom line, he lied by omission at the very least, and he can’t say he respects you and deserves your trust when he demonstrated he doesn’t respect you and is untrustworthy. He knew this was going to look bad and that’s why he didn’t tell you. That would be a deal breaker for me.
Don’t let him walk this back- oh we didn’t know until last minute (can’t be true if he said they got a suite because SHE is paying instead of the company); oh it isn’t a big deal (then why didn’t he tell you); don’t be jealous (you aren’t jealous, he is a now proven liar).
This sounds like sexual harassment on his boss’s part. He may not feel that he can say no to things like this Hawaii trip without losing his job, and is trying to navigate the situation to keep both you and the job. If this is the case, he needs (at least) to report the sexual harassment and get a new boss.
Or he’s cheating on you and you should leave.
The business trip got canceled & she paid for them two to go to hawaii…they’re sleeping together.
If he’s the same bf from your previous post maybe it’s time to leave him.
Once the job was canceled and he still went, that’s a wrap.
You do not need permission to break up with someone who isn’t clicking with you, isn’t treating you respectfully or taking you into consideration, etc.
You are allowed to determine that this is not ok with you and you aren’t comfortable and your trust has been impeded and so you are breaking up.
The other person didn’t get to have a say on if that is fair, or if they’ll accept it. And it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
You do not owe people a chance. You are allowed to know your boundaries and be done. Personally, I’d be breaking up with him with no further discussion. Even if you take everything else (it was a last minute change, etc) at face value *he didn’t tell you what was happening and chose to try and hide the change from you* and for me that kind of lying and hiding things I’d break up worthy.
P.s. It is almost NEVER cheaper to get a multiroom suite than it is to get two, separate, average rooms.
That’s a no-go.for me. He lied, hid the truth and got pissy at you? Nope, nope, nope. Dont touch this man without an std test. .
There really isn’t anything to discuss. I mean, what could he possibly say to make it right? He sat on the beach in Hawaii with another woman and watched the sunset. Doesn’t get any more romantic than that. I would block him and be done. He can Uber to his home from the airport.
Although I’d be very interested to see ALL the photos they both took.
He doesn’t respect you, because even if this BS story was true he would’ve told you as soon as he found out if he did respect you. You’re not overreacting to be pissed by this and to breakup – seems like the right decision to me here. But, if you want to attempt to work things out your boyfriend is going to have to make some changes. No more work trips with this boss, trying to get a new job/role away from that boss, counseling, whatever will help for you and your relationship.
Updateme
You should pack his shit and leave it by the door so he can get it when he gets back. This is a relationship extinction event. So bad and so disrespectful on so many levels.
Deal breaker.
I’m kind of stunned that you’re still trying to decide if you need to break up with this guy. OF COURSE you need to break up with this guy. This post alone is more than enough reason to break up with this guy, and this isn’t even close to the only problem you’ve had with him. At what point are you going to stand up for yourself and kick him to the curb? He basically went on a honeymoon with someone who wasn’t you, lied to you about it, and is acting like you’re the bad guy for noticing.
Girl, get some self-respect and ditch this trashbag.
No girl. GoodBYE to this man
So the business part of the trip got cancelled so instead your boyfriend went to romantic resort with his boss? And didn’t bother telling you about this until he was already in Hawaii? And only after you asked certain pointed questions?
This is not a good situation. Is she attractive?
Why didn’t she take her actual boyfriend?
Op, your post history and now this?
This guy isn’t loyal first off.
Second, you do realize because you never walk away for good, he’s going to keep treating you like sh-t on purpose.
He thinks your dumb AF, hence why he’s cheating. And he’s not even hiding it anymore.
Seriously, Op, you deserve better and this guy isn’t it.
He’s just red flags in a trench coat masquerading as an adult.
You did so well breaking up. I am ***so*** proud of you!
If you both want, listen to his side in person and explain your. But don’t cave (I would ask if she tried something or anything happened for transparency but do say it won’t change anything). What he did is unacceptable and disrespectful in an unbelievable way.
UpdateMe! Please
Oh hell no.
I’m pretty relaxed when it comes to what my partner does with other people, but this is beyond the pale.
Absolutely Fucking Not. Watching the sunset together? It wasn’t even a business trip, Emma just really wanted to go still? They could have afforded entirely separated rooms, but didn’t?
In other words, they didn’t even try to make it look appropriate.
Keep his ass blocked, this is too much and it’s not worth it.