My fiancé (31M) and I (31F) are getting married in April. We are still on the fence if we should try conceiving within this year or wait until the beginning of next year.
I kind of want to start a few months after marriage because we talked about having 3 kids and I will be 32 in August and as many would say “my time is ticking”.
But my friend was telling me we should wait until next year to conceive because I am not considered high risk until 35 and we should enjoy our marriage this year without a baby.
Which makes sense. also I did want to get a few more couple trips in to Vegas and Disney before I’m pregnant and have a baby.
We feel that we are ready. My concern is loosing sleep and juggling all my other duties such as work, cooking, cleaning, traveling haha (I think I’ve been so selfish and independent for so long it will be a shock for me to adjust with a baby) and my fiancé said his one concern is money yet we make a decent amount but not rich by any means.
What do you think? Try within this year or enjoy our marriage.
5 comments
Have you both had your fertility checked out? Do that before making any decisions. Not everyone is the same. People who start their periods before others, have a family history of earlier peri menopause, men with lower quality sperm etc.
You could wait a couple years only to find out you already would need help to conceive years earlier, and it’s a very common story over on r/marriage advice that folks in their early 30’s struggle with fertility.
Also, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in early miscarriage. Waiting for your cycle to correct to try again is a very real thing to consider, as well as being mentally ready to try again.
What does your family history look like (does anyone in your family have an hard time conceiving, when do the women go through menopause, what about your husband’s side, etc)? Are you on birth control? What age gaps do you want between kids?
It takes a healthy couple 6 months-1 year to conceive. My friends that were on birth control and went off were smack dab in that time frame. Doctors won’t check fertility problems until your husband and you have been trying for a year. They also recommend waiting 18 months between pregnancies so your body can fully recover and replenish its nutrients.
I don’t think waiting a year would be a huge risk if there isn’t any family/medical history that’s concerning.
I am not able to understand this part that you mentioned he is concerned about money issue. He is concerned with number 1 child, how come he will be able to afford 3?
If you want 3 kids I wouldn’t wait
Have you lived together for a long time?
Remember that what you imagine will happen when you get a kid will be 10 times worse. Your life is going to change in ways you cant imagine. You will be exhausted.
Have you talked about how you view childcaring, household responsibilitier etc. Some men have the idea that women should do most of it and they can live like before.