In my college class, there’s a guy whose jokes are dumb and are always at my expense. The general feeling I get from him is that anytime he needs to do something, he needs to be a smart ass about it. If I make a minor mistake in anything, he’ll immediately be all over them. He uses a ridiculous amount of hyperbole and makes certain things about me be a constant running joke. I just smile and try to laugh it off but I really don’t like it.
He’s a friend of friends and I sit a couple of seats next to him as well, so when there’s a mid-sized crowd or when doing a group project, I’ll inevitably encounter him which is why I can’t just ignore him. Though, I basically don’t talk to him unless spoken to.
There were some times when he tried to play nice such as inviting me to places with mutual friends or whatever, but if he sees me again he can always switch back to being condescending if he wants. Which is what I don’t like tbh. It feels like he has power over me: he knows he can choose to be nice or not and it’s up to him and his mood, not that I have power over that decision.
What could I do about it? To be very honest, I’m kinda scared of calling him out. I’m timid and socially awkward. I’m not good at arguing at all. So if I did that he’d run circles around me and make me out to be the odd one. As mention I can’t 100% ignore him either
6 comments
[removed]
If this guy is a friend of a friend, do you have a friend to back you up when/if you confront this guy? It could be helpful to let your friends know what’s going on and how you feel.
And if you can’t ignore him, you could just not laugh when he’s being a jerk. If you don’t feel comfortable confronting him (I get it- it’s not fun), then you could just be polite, but not friendly. Just because you have to deal with him doesn’t mean you have to be friends.
And quick reminder – just because he is a damp sock doesn’t mean you are less than him. He is not smarter, better, etc than you. If he is making jokes at your expense, he probably is uncomfortable in his own skin.
And you can always call him out on his behavior. Maybe get some friends to support you to do it. ❤️
I suggest asking him to repeat himself and ask what he means by what he says. Being an asshole for the laughs doesn’t look so great if you have to explain that you’re an asshole.
Ask, “what do you mean by x?”
How does the professor allow this? Why is this guy speaking up in class?
Tell him to fuck off.
You don’t need to argue to win. How about some radical candour. “Ouch! That felt kind of hurtful/condescending/like a put down”. And if he sneers and says something else that’s another putdown, “You’re allowed to think that of course, but it’s hurtful to say it directly. I’m not sure how to respond. What are you hoping for when you say things like that?” Basically if someone is being a dick to you, you don’t have to pretend they aren’t. If you can approach it with curiosity rather than sadness, so much the better.