We’ve been together for five years. We spend nearly all our time together.
Occasionally, he’ll do this thing where I offend him somehow and he, like, pouts for hours. He won’t engage in any way and will be sarcastic and rude.
We have no money and had to move back in with my mom. I am the only one working and every time I come home he won’t do stuff with me. He complains about how bored he was all day, that he hates living here, and he’s always pushing me to look for places whenever I’m home.
I also hate living here but appreciate that my family has helped me out a lot lately. I got a job close to home and work full time.
Today, when I went home, he immediately started complaining about how boring it was all day, how we “have to get out of here” and that he hates being stuck in the room all day. I asked if he wanted to watch this show we’d all been watching. He said he didn’t want to watch it until we ate. I laid on my bed and was trying to talk to him but he wouldn’t reply really. Then he just stormed out of the room. I asked where he was going and he just ignored me.
I went into the living room and asked if he heard me. He said I was just ignoring him and he was sick of being in the room. I said we could watch the show in the other room and he said he didn’t want to and it was boring. I told him I didn’t want to feel responsible for entertaining him and I had offered him and bunch of things to do. He refused everything but didn’t know what he wanted to do.
I’ve been applying for jobs for him, arranging everything for moving out from our last place, and my mom is housing and feeding us. I feel frustrated by him ignoring me every time I get home.
Tldr: my boyfriend says I’m not doing enough for him and I feel frustrated. I don’t know what fair.
16 comments
Is there a reason he isn’t working? It seems like since he’s bored all day and wants to move he’d be doing anything he could to make that happen quickly.
Why isn’t he applying for his own jobs? He sounds very ungrateful and maybe depressed?
What kind of work is he in? Why isn’t he working? How many jobs does he apply for everyday? Why are you with him?
Sit him down and let him know you need more. Tell him what you need and set realistic expectations for when they need to happen. Relationships are not solely about love. They are to help you navigate life, offer support, love, safer sex, and financial reasons. Which of these is he meeting? If he isn’t why not and will that change. If not you have a hard decision to make.
Don’t let your self get stuck in the “but I love him” train of thought. It simply isn’t enough if most/all the other needs can’t be met.
Well, that’s rich. You’re supporting him, and he thinks *you* don’t do enough for *him?*
Kick him out. Break up and tell him to go back to *his* folk’s place. You will probably feel 160 pounds lighter when you aren’t carrying his ass.
Date someone less entitled, you’re family is providing him free room and food and he’s still complaining this much? Imagine having kids with this guy
I couldn’t even begin to imagine…
IF I could/had to be humbled and emasculated enough to move into my woman’s mother’s house out of sheer *temporary* necessity, *and* not working to boot, you bet your sweet ass I’d be doing three things.
1) looking for work of any type of the immediate hire nature would now be my full time job. Janitorial if that’s all I could find temporarily and boy that type of work def isn’t my bag, but it would be now.
2) after I spent most of the day looking for work to help, I would be cleaning the house or helping with household duties as much as possible. Being as you said this is your mother’s house and not parents, I’m assuming this man could be doing yardwork(things your mother may not get regular help with) and the like at least? Hell,even finding things to show appreciation that may not even be needed, but merely any gesture of goodwill and gratefulness to being housed and fed.
3) keeping my mouth shut and my head down. You are no longer in a position of power my guy. Expressing my love and gratitude. Certainly *not* giving anyone a hard time or emotional abuse. Wow. My exes parents wouldn’t have pissed on her or I if we were on fire for the many yrs we were together. Zero help or support.
Even during COVID causing my small biz to be slow/financial struggles. I’d be so thankful that we had her family to rely on. That would absolutely not go unsaid to the mother either.
This is insane and how do guys like this have women? Im lost.
To clarify, I certainly don’t feel sex/gender is important here,nor is the fact that your situation is romantic in nature vs non romantic.. You could interchange any of these details in the post and would still be equally perplexing and maddening.
There are clueless and or/shitty people out there in general,regardless of all of that.
Source: lived on my own since 17,but once had to stay at my sister’s house 7 days while waiting for my apt to be ready. While there I had dinner for us ready/picked up take out several times, cleaned and helped out. Was super grateful and either paid or offered money, can’t recall which. Bottom line is I appreciated the help very much.
Ask yourself if this person is someone you want to build a life and future with. Super duper huge red flag imho.
>He complains about how bored he was all day, that he hates living here,
>I’ve been applying for jobs for him, arranging everything for moving out from our last place, and my mom is housing and feeding us.
I’m sure your mother must really enjoy having him as a house guest and watching him treat you so unkindly, sitting on his ass all day, not working and then coming to the kitchen table and expecting to be fed. She’s kinder than I am. At a minimum, he should be actively job-seeking.
I would suggest that you buy him a ticket back to his parents. He’s bored here? Fine. Go home. Eat off someone else’s dime.
You are dating a loser. Why doesn’t he have a job, and even moreso, why TF are you applying for jobs for him?!? He 26 damn years old! God damn, stop enabling leeches like him.
Kick out your freeloader of a boyfriend.
does he also need you to wipe his arse? Are you sure he’s late twenties and not three toddlers in a trenchcoat?
Where is the No scrubs comment…
I’m sorry but WHY are you applying to jobs FOR him?
This man is 26 years old so why are you babying him?
Are you his mother or his girlfriend?
Why are you allowing him to treat you like this?
Why are you here looking for advice when you keep enabling him?
Either kick his spoiled, bullying self out or suck it up.
He has it backwards. What does he do for you? He’s laying around all day, mooching off you and your family, and you have to entertain him like a toddler too? Time to put your foot down and tell him he can either start acting like an adult and find a job to occupy his time and bring in money, or break up and get out.
He’s a loser and is only making your life worse. Dump him and find a partner with some maturity and who will help carry the weight.
He might have been attractive when he was 19, but this s*** gets old fast. Aren’t you tired of pushing string yet?
When did the bar become so low for men that women put up with this ridiculous behaviour?