For context, I’ve been seeing this girl for almost 6 months. I met her at a bar that I work at as a bouncer. Some of you are probably groaning, understandably. My job puts me in a lot of contact with drunk women. I’m pretty attractive and very social and have been working the clubs in this city a few years now, so most of the customers know by now that I’m who they need to talk to if they have issues. They also know I’ve been seeing this woman for a while as she’s usually in the club with me at least one day every weekend. Most women who hit on me leave me alone after I tell them I have a girlfriend, and those that don’t, I move away from. I’ve tried my hardest to be understanding of her insecurities – her exes weren’t great to her. I’ve been honest about the times I wasn’t great to mine, which was probably a bad idea, but I’ve never wanted to hide anything from her. I’ve tried to make her understand I can’t just be a dick to women at my job. She thinks this is me entertaining them and that I love female attention, because anytime a dude hits on her at the club, she acts mean as hell to her them to leave her alone. Over the course of knowing her I’ve cut off people (read: female friends) that she felt were too flirty with me. Some of them I disagree with but some really were doing too much. I truly care about my girlfriend and decided our relationship was more important than a ‘club friend.’ We’ve been off and on and constantly the underlying issue has been that I entertain other women too much and always have hoes in my phone. I will admit there were times when things legitimately looked bad because of the nature of my job, but I have never cheated on her nor have I flirted with another woman since I met her. Every time she pointed out how I was causing her to doubt the relationship, I did what I could to reassure her. It has gotten to a point where I showed her my Snapchat friends list after she accused me of having a streak with another woman (yes, I’m aware of how childish this is starting to sound) and after no streaks came up, she got angry that I was friends with so many women on Snapchat. She says all of this would end if I posted her to my social media, which I had planned on for Valentine’s Day, except … about a week before, while I was out hanging with some friends, she decided to start an argument and eventually I stopped responding, after which my phone died. A couple hours later when I get my phone back on, I have umpteen missed calls from old girl and 4 missed calls from my mother…you guessed it. She called my mom and told her I was cheating. I also received a text from a random number threatening to share pictures of me and things I shared in confidence to “expose me.” The more I type this out the stupider I feel for staying with her, but I really think she hung the moon, I just wish I could make her understand that I only have eyes for her. I don’t even know how to move forward to a break up, because now I’ve been threatened..either I break up with her and deal with the fallout from that, or I stay and deal with a constant stream of accusations when, by her own words, I’m the best boyfriend she’s ever had. Can someone give me some guidance on where to go from here?
13 comments
This is WAY too heavy for a 6 month long relationship. She knew your job and its nature when she met you, if she doesn’t like it, she can get fucked (respectfully).
You seriously need to bounce ASAP. If she exposes you, deal with that as it happens and get the police involved if necessary.
“Can someone give me some guidance on where to go from here?”
Yes, go get a new girlfriend, this one is broken.
A relationship being run by insecurities is not a healthy one. It’s her responsibility to work on her insecurities, not yours to be bending over backwards to accommodate them.
You already know the answer.
You either break up or you accept the abuse.
You are not the problem. She is. She has major trust issues and jealousy issues. There are probably lots of insecurities also.
That is not something that you can fix. And it’s not something that she can fix on her own. She needs to go see a therapist to get over all her issues before she can have a healthy relationship.
There is absolutely nothing you can do to make her not think that you are cheating. There is absolutely no way to prove that you are not cheating.
You will not fix her.
Talking from experience with this kind of girl.
It only gets uglier.
Wow, she sounds unstable, like very unstable. Bunny boiling unstable.
*I just wish I could make her understand that I only have eyes for her*
She has issues that go far beyond anything your reassurances can ‘fix’. This will only continue to escalate until her toxic behavior has completely ruined your reputation, your relationship with your mother and friends and she’s gone off the rails. She will then repeat the same behavior with the next guy, and the next guy.
Are you prepared to never speak to another woman again for the rest of your life, even on a casual level?
Even if you do that, it still won’t be enough for her. This is beyond basic insecurity. She needs serious professional help working through her issues, and that’s not something you can do for her.
I think you know the answer on what to do here bud. You need to find a girl that is secure enough to be with a guy that works in the industry you’re in.
Discreetly get ahold of her phone and delete all nude pictures of yourself from it, including any she backed up or emailed herself if possible.
Then break up with her.
Way too much drama for 6 months! Run now!!
She wants an abuser who is an asshole to everyone but her.
You need to break up with her, you can’t convince someone who wants to believe you’re cheating that you aren’t. You’re going to suffocate in this relationship if something doesn’t change. She’s most definitely going to tell people that you left because you were cheating on her but that shouldn’t be a surprise at this point.
You can’t “make her understand” anything, because that’s not the issue. The issue is that she has some deep insecurities and nothing you do will ever fix them. Her going to therapy might help, but that’s a long process.
Actually, her behavior is extreme enough that she might even be cheating on you and projecting her cheating on you.