I really need to talk to someone about this as it’s eating me up inside. We have spoke about it with each other, but I feel like I need some outside opinions.
Me and my girlfriend of 2 years have recently had a rough patch while doing 3 months of long distance due to her work. Before that we lived together. The rough patch started just before leaving due to life stresses, mental health dips, and big conversations (when/how/do we want kids etc).
She asked me if I believe love can wax and wane, to which I said yes, and she told me she doesn’t feel as in love as she used to. We agreed that feelings of love do wax and wane, just like any emotion, but she thinks that this is more than a natural wane.
It is heartbreaking to be told that the person you love and trust the most in the world does not love you as much anymore. But I am trying my best to not let this destroy me, to work on myself, and to work on the relationship.
During the relationship I have had (very few) times when I thought about breaking up, and even then, the thoughts were pretty short lived (2 weeks tops). It was due to things she did that I was unhappy with, but we spoke about them and then got through them. But through this, I have never stopped loving her, and I’m finding it really hard to accept and understand that she feels this way.
The hope I am clinging onto is that she wants to make this work. She wants to put effort in to get things back to where they were. And I truly believe that we are very compatible and could live a happy life together, so I think it’s worth fighting for. I don’t believe in soul mates, but I have never met a person on this planet who I feel so compatible with.
When we first got together, we were both feeling on top of the world and so very very in love. We adored each other, and she “couldn’t believe I was real”. I miss that feeling a lot. I haven’t changed, other than going through a slight dip in mental health, but I am still the same person.
The thing I worry about is that she said “something doesn’t feel right”, and she doesn’t know what that is. I worry that this is that she has completely fallen out of love with me and the “not as much” aspect is an underexaggeration. It feels like this is a drawn out way of breaking up with me, even if she doesn’t consciously realize that this is what she wants. I also worry that even though she wants to work on it, it’s going to be very high pressure, so the situation isn’t like it was when we first got together and fell in love. We were both very happy over the period we fell in love, and didn’t have as many external stresses in life. I’m worried the circumstances aren’t right for her to fall in love with me again.
She’s returning from her time away with work in 2 weeks.
Can I get all of your opinions on if this could work? Has anyone here ever fell out of love with someone (partially or completely) and then fell back in love? I want to hear all responses, but I’m particularly interested in women’s experiencs with this. Or has anyone ever been the person in my situation on the receiving end of it? What do you think I/we can do to have the best chance at this?
3 comments
The fact that she said she wants to work through this and bring your relationship to where it once was, makes me think that this is a thing that you can get through together. Talk to a couples therapist to find out what exactly is wrong and to get the tools to remove whatever obstacle or issue there is.
>Me and my girlfriend of 2 years have recently had a rough patch while doing 3 months of long distance due to her work. … The thing I worry about is that she said “something doesn’t feel right”, and she doesn’t know what that is. … She’s returning from her time away with work in 2 weeks. … What do you think I/we can do to have the best chance at this?
Long distance is hard on relationships. People get lonely. They start thinking ‘what if’ about people nearer by. Then, they rationalize by blaming the relationship (or the distance). They think that, if the relationship were stronger, they wouldn’t feel this way.
Don’t fall into the trap of blaming an abstraction. It’s always a human being who’s the problem.
“Something doesn’t feel right” and love “waxing and waning” combined with three months of being away for work adds up nothing good. Sorry. This sounds to me like the beginning of her trying to let you down easy. All the stuff about how wonderful everything was when you first got together doesn’t matter now.