We were only 7 months into our relationship when (A) had to move back to her hometown after college. We were doing long-distance since then for 2 years and meeting mostly every 2 months for a week to almost a month. I currently have a remote job, so I was able to afford the freedom to go to her city, spend time with her and come back.
For context, we’re both Indians, my girlfriend (A) is from NCR and I live in Bangalore.
(A) once mentioned about our relationship to her parents, after they came to know that I am from South India, they started giving her reasons to why our relationship won’t end up in marriage; different culture, different caste, different language etc. (turns out her family’s caste category and mine are the same in our respective states. I had no clue what my actual caste was until we looked it up to find some leverage). For all these claims that her parents have made, (A) had stood up for me and had valid counter statements in support of us; that culture can be learned and I am somebody who is open to new experiences, and that we don’t have an issue with language b/w us as we communicate in English, also that I’ve been actively learning to speak Hindi fluently and so on.
This whole situation has been putting a lot of pressure on our relationship and especially on (A). Her father had told her that she won’t be married off to me in any circumstances, and I have never met her parents and they don’t even know how I am as a person. As far as marriage is concerned, we don’t see it in the near future but would like it to be the end-goal. (A) is trying to pursue her master’s next year and I am focussing on scaling on my career before I can settle down and build a family. A few days back we decided to take a break until some future opportunities that would bring us back together, and I’ve been thinking of moving to Gurugram to explore a different scenery and in the process make it easier for us to meet and take at least the ‘long-distance’ out of the equation.
We still love each other and I believe if I meet her parents as her ‘friend’ they might be open to at least even meeting me. And maybe in turn start see me for who I am and not as a ‘poor South Indian’ guy. I am friends with her cousins, but what they say is that her parents are very strict and they don’t see it happening. (A) says the same about her father that he is strict and she does not want to disappoint them. I am very torn on what to do, this situation feels like I am trying to date her parents more that her. Anybody who was in a similar situation as mine if they could share their experience, it would be amazing!
TL;DR – Gf’s parents don’t like me as her bf and says they won’t marry her off to me because I’m from a different culture, caste and language. Please help me out on what I could do in this situation.
PS: English is my second language so apologies for the grammar.
2 comments
Man this is hard. I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I’m so sorry that you two are going through this.
Your culture makes this that much harder too. I don’t see any good outcome unless you to just elope and cut off all contact. I’m assuming that is very unreasonable.
Unfortunately I don’t see this getting any better or resolving in any way. Best of luck to you two. Hang in there. Be strong and stay calm. Don’t do anything while in an emotional state.
All you can do is be your own self, and hope they eventually see your fine qualities.
It may not happen, but if they see you doing all of the things they expect for their beloved daughter, they may get over it.
The problem comes when the family sees weddings and marriages as two families coming together, rather than two people coming together. They may want to put her into a marriage with somebody that they want to be connected to already.
If they understand that you will always be trustworthy, reliable, honest, and respectful of them, they might get used to you.
Part of it is her making a choice on how she communicates to them about you, and how you choose to interact with them.
I hope you and she can work out a way to live the future you want together.