Where I’m from, especially in and around NYC, people avoid this. The idea is if some random stranger is chatting you up outside of a setting designed for that, they’re probably trying to sell you something or they’re crazy.

35 comments

  1. I like small talk when its about something relevant to our interaction. Or discussing where somebody is from when we are both visitors. Talking about a game on TV at the sports bar. That sort of thing. Some sort of mutual common ground.

    Some small talk is unwelcome. I really don’t care about the vacation you took 10 years ago and don’t want to talk about it at airport while we are queuing.

  2. Small talk is very common in my region. A lot of people chat in lines with people they don’t know. There are also those who don’t engage at all and their desire to do so is usually respected.

  3. Small talk is viewed in my local culture as being friendly and kind. It’s an important part of southern hospitality. Now, that doesn’t mean there’s small talk at all times, but it’s an option. IMO, if the people in a place aren’t open to small talk, that place is cold and unwelcoming.

  6. It’s a bit of both here. We’re not at the level of southern small talk. But the cashier that you always see will often chat if they want. But we do have those who are just crazy and seem to just be talking to talk. You could easily go out and not talk to anyone. Or talk to someone if you want. While not chatting would be considered rude in some areas, it’s really not here.

  8. > Where I’m from, especially in and around NYC, people avoid this. The idea is if some random stranger is chatting you up outside of a setting designed for that,

    Well, that’s exactly it. We’re not *against* small talk here. We just have a time and a place for it. It’s not when you’re on the subway trying to get to work, and it’s not when you’re at a cash register and there are five people waiting behind you.

  9. Depends on who is small talking me and why. The New Yorker in me would prefer people just get to the point if they’re using small talk as a means to ask me for something. Now, if they genuinely want some conversation then I’m fine with it.

  10. I love talking to people I meet the grocery store, etc and live in Massachusetts. I think people are super interesting! It’s why I’m here.

    But here in New England small talk with strangers is a bit more hardmode. You don’t just burst someone’s privacy bubble and start talking to someone.

    If you get a vibe and eye contact and an acknowledgement you might chat. (I’m always curious what someone will make with unusual to me ingredients).
    So after eye contact and half smile, I might ask the person waiting next to me for the butcher to cut my meat at the grocery store how they are going to prepare a cut they are getting. You know from the response if they prefer to be in their own head or are open to chatting about a recipe.

    It’s when someone gives subtle clues that chatting is not what they want but you continue small talk? That’s when you might get the are-you-crazy vibe.

    And as someone that spends a bit of time in NYC, people small talk there – it’s just it’s a working city. Half the people you cross paths with there are in the middle of their commute. It’s not surprising people aren’t chatty when they are just trying to get where they are going.

  12. Small talk is not really common here. In fact, we are known to be a little bit asocial in this regard.

  13. Small talk in the NY/NJ region is a bit complicated.

    I’ve mentioned this before but men are generally open to small talk. Particularly if it involves sports or pop culture. However, it’s almost universally a no go with women, specially in a bar/club setting unless there’s a mutual attraction.

    Which is why one of the biggest culture shocks for me was moving to Atlanta GA and frequently having women initiate small talk with me, at a bar, with absolutely no ulterior motives (or so I perceived).

    Like a random Southern Belle asking me if I recommended the beer I was drinking.

    I started stuttering like Porky Pig I was so caught off guard.

  14. I live in NYC as well and small talk is okay under normal circumstances when people are relaxed. No different than other cities/countries and I lived/traveled in other places frequently. Some people are in the mood for it and others are not. Introverts vs extroverts vs ambiverts. I’m 50/50 at best when it comes to wanting small talk. Nothing to do with region

  15. It’s pretty common here (Ohio) to strike up a conversation in public settings. I’m not a fan but it would be pretty rude not to respond if a stranger is talking to you.

  17. It seems to be sort of neutral here. I usually won’t start it, but don’t feel wierded out if someone else does.

  19. I don’t mind small talk most of the time, but I continue to be amazed at how many people will tell me more than I needed or wanted to know about themselves and/or their families, completely unprompted.

  20. For me, it varies based on the circumstance.

    If a stranger approaches me on the street, hell no, I don’t want whatever you’re selling.

    If we’re like, waiting in line together and neither of us are wearing headphones then I’m cool with some nice weather small talk.

    Other girls who compliment my outfit/makeup/fandom gear have a 99% small talk success rate tho lol

  21. I mean do you live in a city? A lot of smaller towns are very close knit and virtually the opposite of what you’re describing it’s like. Growing up I hated going to the store with my mom because a 30 minute trip would be 3 hours lol. NJ towns are very cliquish. I grew up about 30 miles from NYC

  23. People in my area are so in love with small talk that we can’t say goodbye. I do this myself, and I hate it. So many conversations end like:

    “Okay, take care.”
    “You too, be safe!”
    “Any time, thanks again!”

    And on and on and on. We *cannot* just say “goodbye” and walk away.

  24. Depends on if they’re locals, transplants, or snowbirds.

    Locals – to a small degree will do some small talk. Generally they will assume you’re going to try to sell them something if it’s at a real random moment. Still, most are pretty patient and will entertain the conversation out of politeness or genuine interest but will make some attempts to cut it short to go back to what they are doing.

    Transplants – They’ve carried over their habit of small talk or striking up conversations with random strangers or making some random innocuous observation while in line for something. They’ll be a bit unaware of how little locals don’t actually want to talk to them about things that don’t matter or won’t change.

    Snowbirds – same as the transplants but tend to get offended if you don’t engage in 30 minute discussions on how humid it is today, same as yesterday or will be tomorrow because it is summer here and it’s not a new phenomenon.

    Despite me being a transplant, I am more on the “local” side – I don’t really care for it and I am already having at least 2-3 conversations in my own head, and making me show fake emotion or give two craps about the weather or whatever random observation is being made is the fastest way to annoy me. I’ll reply out of politeness but generally I keep my responses short with no detail.

  26. Very common, almost required. My wife can’t go to the store without making a new best friend. I, on the other hand, do my best to avoid it.

  27. People here in Philly are generally outgoing enough, to a point. Like a little chitchat in the line at the supermarket or waiting for the bus isn’t a constant thing but it isn’t entirely unexpected either. But keep it brief, more than a few sentences exchanged is veering off into “what’s your angle, dude” territory.

    In more sociable environments, like at a bar or a hobbyist meetup, it’s very normal to engage with people around you if they’re up for it. But of course it’s also a pretty individual thing, some people are very closed off with strangers and that’s not really seen as offensive.

  30. Midwesterner here. My wife will see me having a conversation with someone and ask how I know them. She will ask how I know them. I am like I don’t just met them now.

  31. As a New Englander, I feel like the whole “Northeasterners hate small talk” thing is misconstrued.

    We don’t “hate” small talk, ***it just has a time and place***. And that time/place is, 99% of the time, not when Southerners use small talk

    You have to respect people’s privacy, and randomly butting into their business to talk about something is pretty rude. It doesn’t help that a solid 9/10ths of the time if you are ‘in public” up here, you aren’t just hanging out, but are actually doing something, which makes interjecting yourself into their affairs an active hindrance.

    I’m not in line at the gas station just to hang out, dude, I am here to ***get gas***. Because I have to ***go to work***. Therefore, I would like my gas-purchasing activities to go as smoothly and as quickly as possible.

    And, even then, you can make small-talk in the line at the gas-station: you just have to be quick and ***not have a full-on conversation***. I’ve made jokes and conversed with perfect strangers in the line at a gas-station all the goddamn time, we just *kept the line moving at the same time*

  32. Contrary to what people think New Englanders are capable of it and actually enjoy it, though they will never admit to it.

  35. Although we are in the south, it’s not the same. There’s a time and place. Although every Publix cashier seems to want to chat to everyone. Which is annoying.

    Just recently I was comparing a few items and another person came up and grabbed one. He looked over at me reading the labels and said he tried them all that this was one the best. Chatted for maybe a minute and was off again. In a true southern state we would still be there talking.

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