I am guilty of overthinking and stressing myself out. I’m hard on myself, especially when I make a mistake. I work in very competitive sales environment and boss is a genuine narcissist who thinks everyone who works for him is an idiot. If I make a “mistake” I panic that he will get wind and blow me up. It’s tough to deal with someone who makes you feel like a moron for making human mistakes when there’s a 1,000 variables case by case. If anyone can relate, how do you cope and stay mentally healthy in such an atmosphere?

31 comments

  3. Sounds like me.

    I resigned from my last sales job but I didnt make much from it. Im looking to move on sales, especially new business sales

  5. If you’re not in the position to change jobs, I suggest taking breaks. And by breaks, I mean long walks to the restroom or laps around the floor or building. Up and down the stairs. Move your body and stretch. Drink more water. Schedule send daily funny comics, dad jokes, memes or cute kittens to your future self each week.

    Build confidence in yourself. With no hope, there’s no standing your ground. Your boss will always win if you continue to allow yourself to be steamrolled. Learn how to manage up. You’ll find the right words to say.

  6. I work in consulting which is a very stressful and hours-intensive field. If you can’t quit, work to make process improvements in your office. You mention human mistakes being a problem (and I totally get that). But if those steps are important enough, your workplace should have procedures in place to make sure those mistakes can’t happen or get caught before they become an issue. At my office, when we are working on big projects, every single number and datapoint has to be independently calculated and checked by at least 2 different people.

    If you can’t get your work to implement a process, then make a checklist for yourself that you follow every time you input numbers that includes plenty of double-checks.

  7. Realize this, you don’t have to put up with anybody’s b.s., regardless of whether it’s a supervisor or a coworker. Trust me, I’ve worked at call centers before, and they are the most psychologically draining and strenuous jobs out there. The constant need to be perfect at all times, trying to speak and understand the customers on a human level, and not some submissively programmed robot, the near impossible standards, etc. You don’t have to put up with it, you don’t. You are not stuck, and you can always find something less stressful, sure the pay may not be as much, but the peace of mind gained, will be all the more worth in the long run. So make that move.

  8. Had to endure a similar job situation. I stayed for as long as I possibly could to save as much money to get on the property ladder then changed careers. It was way too stressful.

  9. Stand up to him in a firm, polite, confident way. Just because he is your “boss” doesn’t give him any right to treat you like that.

  11. Here is the very simple deal. You have a few choices that you can make (many of these choices should be made together)

    1. Look for a new job while you have a job (best time) and prepare an exit
    2. Get enough savings where you can absorb a temp time between jobs and that should allows you that the worst thing that can happen is you get fired and get a new job (i.e., can pay the bills)
    3. Work on your self confidence. If everything is as great as you say except for the boss than realize that his over reaction is just that and it will likely not cost you your job. So, do his empty words really hurt you that much? They should not.

    In my opinion number 2 and 3 are by far the most important.

    Best of luck

  12. For me it was having to realize that there are some things that are outside of your control. You can try to be as perfect as possible but outside elements – or your own incompetence will cause mistakes sometimes. Best thing to do is just accept that they happen and take it in stride. Also, treat others the way you would like to be treated. If your boss treats you badly, treat him the same. Bosses don’t get any special treatment just because they have some agreed upon ‘power’ over you. That power is an illusion and they let it go to their big assed heads.

  13. A gf told me once that health (mental and physical) should be factored in when considering a job. A less stressful but lower paying job is going to be worth it more so than the alluring high stress but high paying job.

    Advice aside, I think time to unwind and let out pent up energy post work is important. I try to stay off work emails and calls until the following business day. There’s always work to be done and work always gets done in the end. Time for yourself is equally important. Hope this helps!

  14. Positive self talk! We have a mental narrative, and the more negative we talk to ourselves the more likely we’re going to talk negatively about ourselves the next time round. Same with positive.

    Remind yourself that you are doing your best, and hell, you are doing well! Pat yourself on the back when others don’t, you deserve it.

    I also like the ideas that others have suggested centering around self care. Take breaks, walk, take mental health day off or call in sick, and above all else…

    Be kind to yourself, mate.

  15. Shiit that’s a complicated cocktail. At the moment my methods of handling stress are:

    * Time with friends and family
    * Exercise
    * Creative shit (writing/painting)
    * Yoga & meditation
    * Therapy

    Aka all the stress relieving shit I do in life… yep it’s mostly to keep me sane while slaving away at work (and I LIKE my job)

  16. Find a better boss.

    Seriously. It doesn’t matter how nice the coworkers, compensation, commute, perks, whatever are. The #1 thing that determines your quality of life at work is your boss. A good boss makes everything better, and a bad boss makes everything worse.

    If I were in your shoes, I would 100% start looking for other work.

  17. I remind myself that work doesn’t care about me, and that if I left everything would carry on. It really doesn’t matter who does well, who is a narcissist, who is coasting, etc. as long as I’m doing what I need to do and getting what I need.

    Loyalty is a trap. Expectations are a trap. Company growth is a trap. Performance is usually a trap. Rewards can only be quantified in time off and money received.

    Once I allow the stress to pass over me and through me, I’m able to focus again and get things done.

  19. Hey there fella. There’s no easy way to say it, but modern workplaces are usually stressful.. everywhere. Even if you were working somewhere else, there would be a different set of problems causing you stress. The only thing you can do is have a healthy work-home life balance. Every day when you’re leaving work, take a couple of minutes and tell yourself that your work hours are up, now it’s time to go home and chill. That you’re leaving work-bullshit at the office now. You’ll find this will reduce your stress considerably in just a couple of days.

    And regarding your boss, fuck that guy. Just imagine giving him a couple of slaps. Works for me.😉

  21. I’m in a situation like this. Thankfully it’s for an internship and I’m almost done, but I completely understand how you feel because the last year has been absolutely demoralizing.

    What has helped me is to laugh it off when my boss shits on me (think, “haha silly me baby intern, now I know haha”), and believe me, it’s also for any tiny little thing that is not exactly how she likes. This tactic throws her off guard and she doesn’t know what to do other than roll her eyes, chuckle, and move on because most people would cry. I giggle like that on purpose to show her that she can’t get to me. I’m here to learn and I won’t let her break me. And while her behaviour is wrong, she has told me that she has come to respect my “spine of steel” and her bullying, while very toxic and difficult to live through, is not as intense as it once was.

    In terms of coping as a human, I’ve really leaned on my support network – family and friends have gotten me through this.

  23. Here are few things I do:

    – Turn off all work related notifications when you are at home. If you are using iOS, set individual work/home profiles and make it auto switch.

    – Do not have your work email and personal email on the same app. Separate them. This will stop you from seeing work emails by accident.

    – Do not install any work chat apps on your personal phone. Be online at work. You are not bound to respond on your off hours.

    – If you are WFH, have a proper work/home switch. Be it changing your laptop to your personal or moving your work setup out of bedroom. You must have a clear separation set so your mind knows when to do this switch.

    – No matter what we do, stuff from work will creep into your mind. To tackle that, focus on few good things happened at work that made you happy. Bad memories tend to stick in our mind and good memories tend to get moved out. So focus on the good stuff. It can be a happy conversation. A smile from a cute coworker. Anything that made you happy during the day.. When a bad memory or stress creeps in, replace it with this good memories and you’ll feel much much more satisfied.

    – Sometimes, stress is unavoidable no matter what we do. In that rare situations, I say, face it head on. Stop whatever you are doing (no point continue doing it if your mind is on something else anyway) take half an hour to strategize how you are going to handle it the next day. Once you have an answer, your mind don’t need to stress over it anymore.

    Hope these helps.

  25. I stop working. When my job gets hard I stop working, sometime sfor the rest of the day. Of course, the problems are there tomorrow, so I may not work the next day either.

  26. It’s not worth working under bosses like that. I usually quit along with everybody else over time. Right now is about as good as it gets job search wise. Now would be the time to move on IMHO.

  27. I used to be this way, then I realized: life is short.

    This is a result from losing a lot of people I cared about.

    The older you get, you will realize that work is not everything. It’s a means to do what you like and love.

  28. 1. Exercise
    2. Sleep
    3. Read books
    4. Avoid digital entertainment (my phone/the internet)

  30. While I agree with others here that right now is a great time to look for another job, I will try to offer the best advice I can cause I think I have so legit shit to offer.

    So, once upon a time, I was a marine. Getting lit up for the smallest of mistakes, is what that is. And while the whole idea is to drive in the discipline, and make one a better marine… it drives you insane. It consumes you, the avoidance of ire.

    And then you kinda realize it’s all just hot air. And so getting yelled at loses its weight.

    What I’m referring to is training. The shit that happens in country, isn’t related to this conversation, because that’s life and death. Eh, you could argue “so is having a job”, but let’s be real. The US does have safety nets for economic hardship. They are not impressive, but it’s not a bullet in the head.

    Later on in life I stumbled upon existential thinkers like Sartre and Camus (yes Camus, I know you’re not an existentialist, just let me make my point), and the utmost fucking point is…

    Nothing matters. Yes shit matters. Rent. Food. Love. But really, the suns gonna explode, and there won’t be anybody to remember any of this, and 99% of the world never cared in the first place.

    So you’re free. This life is yours, and ultimately no one cares, so live it how you like.

    Now, I’m a lead carpenter for an ambitious construction company. We do some “interesting” jobs. Difficult, some would say. And we’re competitive, so I don’t have all day. Im lucky when I have a good apprentice(s), and have no excuses when I have a lackluster one(s). They don’t have the experience to see what I see, or move like I move. Which isn’t there fault. It can be tough tho, trying to think for multiple people with deadlines, physical safety, and structural integrity all on your plate.

    Plus, I want my shit to look good, and last a hundred fucking years (exaggeration), because Valhalla bruh.

    I digress, the point is, all the shit you’re stressing about, is unimportant. It was necessary for those that control you and depend on you succeeding for their own success, to convince you that it is important. However, intergalactically, time-space-historically, and philosophically, it isn’t.

    Don’t stress. Do your best. And take every challenge as an opportunity to learn about and love yourself.

    ✌🏻

  31. I try to differentiate between growth related stress and drama related stress. I can’t handle the latter. If the work environment is toxic or I’m working too many hours it’s not tolerable. But stress from finding the job difficult is something I try to work through because eventually it gets easier.

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