TLDR; i gave a guy my phone number bc i felt too scared and panicky in the moment to get him to leave. and when the guy msged me, i told him i had a bf and not to text me and i blocked him. I came clean to my boyfriend as everything went down but hes still super mad at me and wants space (understandable) but do you think my relationship done for? What i did is not justifiable but are you able to empathise with me? Or not at all? 🙁
hello everyone. im on mobile so formatting may be weird.
ive never posted on here before and was wondering if i could get some opinions from others, im kinda scared but here goes.
so yesterday, i was out for an event. The whole event went smoothly without anything happening and i ignored all advances from other guys.
However, going back home i was walking to the bus stop and bumped into my friends and a guy ive never met. we said our pleasantries but i left quickly after to catch the bus.
A few minutes after, the guy (that i didnt know) comes running back to me and starts to try and have small talk with me and asks to join the group to eat. i refused and said my bus was coming soon (it wasnt) but he left so i stayed. a few minutes later, he comes back and realises that i hadnt left yet and i got caught in the lie basically and i panicked. he wouldnt leave me alone. i didnt rly entertain him and it was just the two of us but there were people around. even then, i got scared and panicky.
anyway, i was there for like 5 minutes and was getting super uncomfortable bc he wouldnt leave. And this is where i messed up.
the guy asked me for my phone number and i stupidly gave it to him. i was just scared and i just wanted him to leave. i didnt give a fake one bc i was scared he would call me and realise it was fake. i know i shouldve just said no or gave him a fake number. idk why i was scared and felt pressured.
so aft this, i went home and told my friend to tell him not to text me. but that guy asked her if i didnt want to talk why did i give him my number? Which is so true and im obviously an idiot. Arghh
But ofc when he did end up msging me, i told him i had a bf and i didnt want to talk and i blocked him. i told my bf this whole ordeal out right 10 minutes after, hiding nothing from him and telling him everything that happened. but he was still understandably upset and now i feel super bad. He doesnt want to talk to me for 2 days to think more clearly and its all understandable. i am respecting his boundaries rn as he has every right. But can anyone advice me from here? Do you think this relationship is not salvageable since i broke his trust?
Ofc im posting this in hopes that people see it from my POV, bc while i know im in the wrong – i was wondering if anyone could empathise with me?
so reddit – pls tell me straightforwardly, if im definitely in the wrong and u cannot sympathise with me, tell me that too. maybe i just need a wake up call.
11 comments
You’re not in the wrong, women have been shot and killed for saying no and rejecting pushy guys. You were scared and did what you needed to feel safe in the moment and then blocked him after.
Your boyfriend probably doesn’t understand the fear you were feeling.
If the relationship is over you dodged a bullet. You felt scared and looked for an out of that situation. If all you did was give your number out and tell that guy when he texted you that you are in a relationship and only gave your number out due to feeling pressured you did nothing wrong. If your boyfriend is mad about that he is an Idiot.
> he was still understandably upset
No, this is not understandable. You didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t break any trust. You were in an unsafe situation and did something to try to get away. If your boyfriend actually cared about you, he would reassure you and comfort you for experiencing something that was dangerous and scary.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He is angry and will hopefully get over it and realize you did what you had to in order to get out of the situation. He was not there – but he is probably thinking how he would have handled it (by not giving a number). Ask him if he is really going to throw away your relationship because of something like this. You let him know right away and explained everything. There is nothing more for you to do
No you did exactly what I would do, it’s a scary world out there and I’d rather give it out just in case he doesn’t take no for an answer. I’ve given my number to people multiple times and blocked them the instant I got far enough to feel safe. If your bf doesn’t understand the potential danger then oof
>if I didn’t want to talk why did I give him my number?
>I was scared and felt pressured.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You protected your own safety and if your current boyfriend can’t see that, he’s not a keeper. It’s that simple.
For future, get a free Google Voice number. Memorize it. If you have to give your number to anyone you don’t want to, use it. Your phone will ring when they call you, so they know it’s not fake. Then you just block their number and they don’t have your real one. I use mine for contests and job applications and also sleazy jerks who don’t take “no” for an answer.
You didn’t give him your number because you wanted to smash. You were scared.
Your boyfriend is immature if he actually feels betrayed over this. He had ZERO reason to be upset and you handled this IMO correctly.
The wake up call here is that, frankly, you need to be pissed that he has the gall to stomp his little foot and sulk over you being scared. Way to make you being in a scary position all about himself.
You didn’t do anything wrong cause you came clean. Honesty is key
You did absolutely nothing wrong and your boyfriend’s response is a huge red flag.
Fake number apps do exist also so does the block button. It’s beautiful they can call all they want and you never even know. Lastly just learn to speak up for yourself and say “No I am in a committed relationship.” Are these guys really that big of POS’s or are you just incredibly nervous around people because you should not be bumping into that many random who have no respect for boundaries .
thank you to everyone who commented^^ you are all such wonderful people who also allowed me to take a step back and realise my feelings were valid too. Also, thanks for the suggestions on how I should handle this in the future and the fake number thing hehe! Have a great day everyone!