Hi!
First of all, thanks for taking the time to read this. I will try to make it short and on point, but to get all the context it will probably be a little on the longer side. We are both from Europe, and continue to live in EU.
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My SO is a gorgeous girl, funny, intelligent, with great character. I love her dearly, we’ve been dating for 2 years, always long distance, and she is finally moving in with me this April – I can’t wait for it! We’ve had a really giving relationship, we try to support each other in all things, have similar interests, get along really well. We are playful, we kiss, we caress, and we love to feel each other bodies.
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We also highly enjoy having sex – we both tend to initiate it and have talked about sex many times, our fantasies, what we would like to try, her wanting to try to be a “domina’ on me, and other kinks. The only “problem” being – My GF has no idea what really works for her in terms of having an orgasm.
I (think) I know for a fact that she enjoys having sex with me, and feeling me inside of her – she declares it a lot, and sometimes just after we are done wants me back inside for the night – I personally find it adorable and lovely and feel very loved. I try to take the best care of her, and I give back as much as I can – I think we are both on the same page and are happily in love.
However, I do not know how to make her orgasm. She believes she simply cannot orgasm, and claims she has never orgasmed in her life, not alone, nor with a previous sexual partner. I have reason to believe the underlying problem here is her mix of own & societal traumas (she is a mixed child that had grown up in Austria, her parents split when she was young. She is really beautiful and works as an accomplished model, however, she shared with me that she had been drugged and raped in the past when she started working when she was about 18 y.o. and never received proper care after the incident). On top of that, she claims that she never felt good about her past partners, unlike she feels about me, and that she slowly feels ready to experiment and try things.
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This is crazy to me because I personally derive a lot of pleasure from watching my partner orgasm, and in the past prior to meeting my current GF, I’ve been often complimented on my skills in bed. My past partners would, I think, all orgasm, and I’ve been told many times that “they didn’t think” they could feel like that after I went down on them, or after we’ve had an intense and long session. Now, I know that for sure I am no casanova, and there is a lot for me to learn, everybody is different, and I for sure can improve my technique, timing, and pressure applied.
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Now, onto my current GF – every time I think we are getting somewhere (as In – I feel her getting warmer, moaning more if I go down on her, I feel her body twitching) – she makes me stop at one moment as she feels she is going to pee. Now, none of my past partners was a squirter, but I reckon that my current GF might be one, and she is simply stopping herself from actually climaxing due to fear or something similar. We talked about it, and I think us finally moving in together and having the privacy to try things in a calm and non-rushed manner will be great for us and allow us both to experiment and get to know her body.
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So, Firstly, I would like to ask for any feedback/opinions / experiences about this from a female perspective, if possible. If any of you ladies have been in similar situations or had similar things happening to you – please, do share. I want to make my love feel good and special 🙂
I would also like to ask you for advice on yoni massage techniques, “tutorials” (for lack of a better word), or any techniques/massages that perhaps you have tried or had done on you that made you feel good.
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Apologies for the long message, and I hope everything is understandable – English is not my first language. Thank you for taking the time to read this <3
2 comments
Has she ever tried a vibrator?
I think it sounds like you’re doing a lot right. She feels safe with you and knows that you care about her pleasure. All that you can really do at this point is keep that up and don’t stress the orgasm. Seriously, don’t make this a thing and don’t get it into her head that you are trying to make her orgasm specifically. It will only add pressure even though you mean well, and pressure makes it almost impossible to orgasm. Keep encouraging the pursuit of anything that feels pleasurable for her. If she hasnt tried sex toys then that’s a great place to start, but focus on how much you like making her feel good, not on the form that you hope her pleasure will take.
>She believes she simply cannot orgasm,
This raises a bit of a flag for me in terms of your motives. Has she actually said she *wants* to orgasm, or is this just for you?
I’ve Seen to many guys on here trying to pressure their partners into doing it simply for their own pleasure rather than hers