How to be faithful to my wife and not cheat on her?

27 comments

1. Never take an innocent step towards a line you don’t want to cross.

2. Exercise the slightest bit of self-control. You are entirely responsible for your own actions and decisions.

3. See a therapist, communicate to your partner when you are unhappy and your stressors, evaluate your coping mechanisms… Also might help to see what was going on with your parent’s relationship and how they were raised… trauma creates trauma and I have a feeling your dad didn’t do it out of being spontaneous.

   Address the generational traumas… and be open to therapy in the future with your partner… also read 7 principle to making marriage work

4. Have self esteem and self respect

5. Marry someone you actually love, put in the work it takes to maintain a healthy relationship, and the rest falls into place pretty nicely.

6. You find a wife you love. If you truly love her then it should t be a problem. And even if you love her and have those feelings of cheating, do yourself and her a favor and leave the relationship. I would rather my husband straight up leave me then to cheat on me.

7. Take your time getting married and settling down. No rush needed. You can spend a lot of your life figuring out who you are and what you want.

8. You are your own person. You might have his dna in you, but you’re not him. My husband father was abusive verbally/physically and cheated on his mom throughout their whole relationship, but my husband is total opposite of him. Cheating is a choice not hereditary.

9. Just remember, any woman willing to sleep with a married man is no where near as attractive as your beautiful wife who waits for you at home every night. Just that fact alone should keep you from cheating. Anytime an attractive man has ever flirted with me knowing I was married, I found it utterly repulsive. Any person that is desperate enough to try and steal someone elses love away is extremely unnatractive to me.

10. It’s really not that hard

11. If you see a vagina, don’t put your dick in it.

    Edit: Unless it belongs to your wife.

12. It’s easier than you might think (if you imagine it being difficult?) use the effort it would take to do that and put it into your relationship. Respect and love your wife and yourself. Take pride in being a good husband. In being a constant in someone’s life. Being trusted by someone and them knowing they can count on you.

    If nothing else, imagine what it’s gonna be like when you tell her or get caught. Imagine how horrible that’s going to be. Imagine how shitty you’ll feel for doing that to someone who believed you loved them. Imagine the dread of having to sit her down to ruin her world. Or the fear and disbelief and anger and heartbreak she’ll feel when noticing something is off with you and doubting herself and doing crazy shit to find out what’s going on. Everyone should be afraid of putting their partner through this. If love isn’t enough, let it be fear that keeps you from doing something like that. Always go home 🏠 home is simple

13. It boils down to a choice. Do you choose your marriage and family or the pain and chaos that cheating will bring you.

    Choose your wife every new day.

    If you realize you can’t choose your wife, leave her and keep some integrity.

14. My mother gave me very simple advice years ago in regards to remaining faithful to her husband of 40 years: “You won’t find what you aren’t looking for.” Cheating takes effort so if you aren’t putting in any effort to do it, you simply won’t. Don’t put yourself in situations where it’s even a possibility and you have nothing to worry about. Personally I’m not tempted to cheat so it’s very easy for me, but if someone is just avoid the possibility all together. If you know there is a hot coworker you think about too much, shut it down. Don’t get drunk at the Christmas party. Don’t hang out with them at the gym. Just be smart, it’s simply easier to just not engage or “look for” it.

15. Accept that sometimes having urges or feelings, doesn’t mean you should therefor act on them. Or that you “deserve” to act on them. As with anything in life, think about what is important to you and how you would like your future to be. If you want to grow old with your wife and make her feel loved, the following choices should be easy even when temptation is high.

    Also, most importantly: just because you carry his genes, doesn’t mean you are destined to follow his footsteps. You are not your dad. You’re you.

    (Edit for readability)

16. “Pick the right woman to be in the foxhole with and when you leave the foxhole, keep your d!ck in your pants.”
    Favorite line from a movie.
    Cheating is a choice. Don’t choose to cheat.

17. Boundaries.

    You can’t end up somewhere if you ever start going that way.

    I don’t have private conversations with other men, I don’t hang out with other men anywhere that’s not public and/or with my husband.

    Try to get most of your recreational and social needs filled by or with your partner.

18. I’ve been with my wife for 20 years. If you have a partner you love and a relationship you cherish then not cheating isn’t hard. You actually won’t want anyone else. So find the right person and build a great relationship. And don’t be a slave to your dick. It isn’t actually that hard to not sleep with people. Just because your dad had no personal responsibility and control doesn’t mean that you are doomed to be the same.

19. Do, or do not. There is no try

    ~ Yoda

20. If you start looking forward to seeing/hearing from a certain person aside from your wife then you need to step back, put space between you and the person and focus more on your wife.

21. This is kind of like asking, “hey my father was an ax murderer. How do I go about not murdering?”

    1st off, we are not our parents. You must decide what sort of man YOU want to be and make choices in alignment with that each and every day. You might also want to consider getting a therapist and talking with them about how to find and maintain healthy relationships. You are a completely different person from your father. You won’t become a cheater unless you decide to be one.

22. Work on being in-tune with yourself and maintain a strong self esteem. You won’t always feel great and will experience a few existential crisis or crisis of identity, everyone does. You need to find out or build something that grounds you when you’re about to make poor decisions.

    People cheat to escape responsibilities of their relationship one way or another, and to seek validation from someone else. Makes them feel good about themselves. That is, if they aren’t just abusive assholes who use people. Then that is a whole other story.

    And in regards to your future marriage, work on viewing your wife as a person. Not a status symbol or something you’ve obtained. Be curious about her, be cautious of her well being. If you only love her for the things she offers you or does for you, then you don’t love her and shouldn’t marry her because with your past trauma it is likely you’ll cheat on her. Marry someone you want to make happy. Then you could never stomach the thought of hurting them.

    Also, I would discuss standards and boundaries regarding fidelity before you get serious about someone. Someone might be more strict than you about what constitutes as cheating and that could stress you out in the long run. Or maybe she does something you thought was cheating but isn’t guilty about it and then it’s just a whole stupid avoidable cycle.

23. I think therapy to help you heal from childhood would be helpful. And realizing that the grass is greener where you water it.

24. Don’t put yourself in situations where it’s even a possibility.

    Don’t try to figure out “where the line is.” If you’re worried about crossing said line you’re already on the path.

25. If you find yourself spending time with a woman other than your wife that takes away time from your wife, step back.

    Example: I’m going to help out my coworker learn how to do a gym routine! *starts going to gym at different time than wife because is convenient for coworker and “is just temporary to teach them”. Now spending time that would have been with wife with another woman instead and as it becomes routine, connection builds that feels innocent but grows to more.

26. Married 45 faithful, monogamous years and a couple for 51. We agreed early on to 2 biundaries:
    1. If you would not do it in front of your spouse or without their knowing approval… don’t.
    2. Do not allow yourself to be in a situation or environment in which even the slightest chance to unintentionally violate #1 could possibly occur.
    If you learn from your father’s bad choices, and you and your spouse live by these boundaries, you will be fine, especially since you do not want to repeat the sins of the father.
    Also, understand that a good marriage takes work and needs regular tending. Just like a garden, it can become weed infested or properly tended, produce in abundance. Never allow yourselves to be self-centered or take one another for granted. For us on making your spouse happy and provide just compliments and they will reciprocate in kind and just snowball into a relationship to be envied.
    I fell into that trap of taking her for granted. Once I determined to make a difference by initiating what I have written, our relationship and love bloomed beyond what I thought possible.

27. Don’t stop “ dating” your wife. Don’t take her for granted, don’t stop being playful and flirting. Spend time alone together. And communicate your feeling, fears, desires, and sex needs with each other.