Gf [F40] and I [F25] have been dating for 5 months now. She is very sweet to me but I don’t think I feel 100% fulfilled in a certain aspect.
Let me elaborate, when we started dating she kept mentioning that I was not her type. She usually dates rocker, tattooed bad girls and I am the opposite.
I am very girly (in the sense that I dress in a sweet manner and not very punk ish?), don’t have any tattoos but have several piercings and I am on the shy/lowkey side. She also mentioned how she is usually into “bad girls”
Not only that is her type but also blondes. She said a few times how she loves blondes. I am brunette.
These type of comments happened often in our first month dating. She stopped when I told her It made me feel non appreciated and she apologized too but words had already been said.
On top of that, words of affirmation is my love language. I constantly tell her how beautiful she is/pretty I find it meanwhile she has only mentioned this about me a few times, a couple of them while drunk. Not to compare her but my ex boyfriend (we broke up for other reasons) would constant mention how pretty/sexy he found me and not going to lie, I love feeling appreciated by my partner even if it is something shallow like physical appearance.
As much as I love my girlfriend and she does not make comments about her “type” anymore I can’t shake them as she mentioned this often at the beginning. On top of things, not being called pretty or cute by her is also taking a toll on me.
tl;dr: girlfriend mentioned how I wasn’t her type at the beginning of our relationship, several times. She has since apologized and said she wasn’t 100% meaning this but it took a toll on me. She also never calls me pretty or encouraging words about my physical appearance. This is starting to make me feel unsure about our relationship.
Is it fair for me to feel angry about this or is this normal? I feel like no matter how long we date I won’t be able to shake this off.
Thanks in advance for the advice/words of wisdom.
4 comments
>I don’t think I feel 100% fulfilled in a certain aspect.
Then why are you still dating her? I don’t get why so many people seem to just stay in relationships where they’re not happy and not fulfilled and the compatibility clearly isn’t there. Plus the fact that she’s the older one but is also incredibly immature…no wonder she has to date someone 15 years younger than her.
Why are you still there if you’re not happy?
That age gap would worry me, although you aren’t that young, so it might be okay. But it would make me worry she is immature for her age. And her comments were the sorts of things she really should have known better than to say. Why doesn’t she give you words of affirmation though? Did you tell her it was your love language? It’s good she adjusted to not saying mean things, but why isn’t she saying nice things? I’d also worry about how into you she is or will be. Being with someone who is settling for you is not a good idea.
Spell out your needs for her, and if her behavior doesn’t change, ditch her. Then geriatric Peter Pan can find a bleach blonde tattooed hag her own age at the Elk’s Lodge or in the colonoscopy waiting room while you gallop off into the sunset with a nice affirming partner.