What would you do if your trusted and close friends say they don’t feel you and your romantic partner are a good match (even if they think your partner is a great person)?

38 comments

  3. Ask them why they think that. Consider why they’d say that. Whether their reason for thinking so had any merit.

  4. ‘Jeff, Paul, I like you a lot and if this was an issue regarding either of the two areas in which I trust your judgment then I’d think long and hard about what you’re saying. But since this isn’t about brisket preparation or farts that smell like a whale carcass left to rot – and I love you man but you need to see a *specialist* or something – how about you shut the fuck up about my love life and order some more nachos while I go pee.’

    Something like that.

  6. Ill figure that out myself my friend. If u got any info i need to know go ahead and tell me otherwise Im sinking with the ship like a good captain.

  7. Take their feedback to heart. My close friend only after my divorce said he didn’t believe we were right for each other. Yes I was mad at him. I would have told him I’m advance. That’s what trusted friend are for. And still make your own decision but don’t immediately dismiss it.

  8. How much has your trusted friend been around your SO and you together? How often do you talk about SO with them? Do you only talk about SO’s little annoying negative traits (we all have them) with trusted friend and no positive traits? Ask them in depth for their input, but also consider if they’re viewing a partial picture.

  9. LOL, everyone told my wife and I that we were not a good match. Her friends thought I was a a pervert (I am, but that’s beside the point). My friends warned me that she’s neurotic (she is, but that’s beside the point).

    Anyway, we’ve been together since 1989. Sometimes, a couple’s imperfections fit neatly together, and they work well as a team.

  11. My experience in this kind of situation is that no one can change your mind but you.

    Consider it one of the harder life lessons but actually a valuable one

  13. Id ask them to explain why they think this way, and see where the discussion leads. Maybe after all they could be right, or wrong

  14. Really depends on who your friend is as a person, who you are as a person, and the reason being given.

    Is your friend an honest trustworthy person with no alterior motives than having your back even if it’s against what you want?

    Are you an emotionally intelligent person that can identify flags and inconsistenciea in character by yourself? Or are you attached? Do you percieve things as if your wrong or entertain your own fallibility before claiming you’re right?

    What are the reasons being given for that observation? Are they valid and do they line up with the character of your SO? How much bias is present on both sides to either conclusion?

    I think if we lived in a perfect world everyone would be able to trust in their friends and also be humble themselves. But this isn’t the case.

  15. Before id say anything id think about how his realtionships went, and then decide if his opinion is worth it

  16. Well this has happened to me and I’ve also been the best friend who has told his friend that theirs isn’t a good match too! It’s a tough one. In one case I was told my partner was all kinds of wrong etc etc but I was too blind to it. Turns out one friend in particular was absolutely right.

  18. Sometimes you are blinded by all the love and expectations and you might miss some red flags which others can see. Do listen to them and see if it really is true in your case. Don’t ignore them. And well if it works it works.

  19. I should have listened. Would have saved me a lot of pain.

    And I’d still have friends.

  20. I’ve heard of this a lot. I actually was one of those guys who told my friend he could do way better. He has told us that he is glad we expressed our concerns, and is now engaged to a great woman we all have become really good friends with as well and has a kid.

  21. I would listen but that is because I recently learned I was autistic. One of my neighbors I trust who works with autistic people told me she was able to tell the last woman I was dating was using my after like 5 minutes of talking with her. It took me a while to figure out. I would have a lot of questions to see if I saw the same thing and would watch carefully.

  24. I’d listen.

    If they got up the stones to tell you something is up with your partner, then something has to very obviously be wrong. Like you normally don’t say anything about someone who your friend is dating and they can figure it out on their own so you don’t shoot the messenger. But if they are coming to you and telling you something is up, then they’re probably on to something.

  25. How often have you complained to them about your SO? In any way? You may never have, but the only times I have verbally told friends I didn’t like them with someone they were with it was because I only heard them complain about them.

  26. I would ask them why.

    My trusted and close friends don’t really know me the way I know me and likely the way she knows me too.

  27. It helps if these people who are telling you this aren’t connected. If you’re getting similar feedback from separate people, something is making people pick up on that.

  29. She’s a bottomless pit of scathing remarks and yet he lets it all slide. Still he married her anyway despite the huge likelihood he’s going to lose the freedoms he had when they were unmarried so now I must witness in pure silence or likely lose the friendship

  30. Based on personal experience the homies are always right. You can only accept this in hindsight though.

  31. I would listen to them and watch my partner closely, some people take a long time to finally take the mask off and show their true colors.

    I remember a few of my friends saying that my ex wasn’t really that great of a match for me, and at the time I thought she was the most beautiful and wonderful girlfriend with some “cute” quirks. Took a long time even after the breakup to finally piece everything together and see how terrible she actually was. Rose tinted glasses are a shitty thing, they can blur your vision to the point where you don’t even realize you yourself refuse to believe someone you love is a genuinely messed up person that only hurts you and brings you down.

  33. My late boyfriend’s best friend, told my man before we started dating; to NOT date me because I’m hot. He said: hot girls will always cheat on you or break your heart…. Before he died, his friend told him he was jealous because i was hot and his wife was not…. But ironically, his best friend was the one who killed him and i never cheated…. Follow your feelings sometimes your friends “say” they have your back but question is it because of their own insecurities?

  36. I’ve never personally experienced this but my partners daughter recently mentioned she wish she had have listened more to her mum and siblings regarding her X partner. Sometimes people that love you see things that you miss because you’re blinded by lust or love.

  38. Honestly. I’m here. One of my best buddies is getting straight up abused by his lady. Also she is a massive cunt.
    But I’m keeping quiet. He seems happy

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