So my mother has been dropping hints that she expects something for her and dad’s upcoming 40th anniversary. These range from “you know this year is a big one!”, to “have you made any plans for late May?”
Nobody seems to be planning anything and when I bring it up with my siblings, everyone seems to agree that it would be nice to throw something- yet no one steps forward to make any plans (I feel like they are all looking to me).
I recall a large surprise 40th anniversary for my paternal grandparents when I was a kid (organized by you aunts and uncles). My maternal grandparents also had a really big 50th anniversary party, but I don’t know who all helped organize that. The difference between their generation and ours is that we are less well-off and more spread around the USA.
I guess my question to the internet is: Is it common (or expected) that kids throw their parents a big anniversary party for the 40th? I always saw anniversaries as something spouses do for each other. I would love to organize something but we don’t all live near them and this is hard for us to pull of financially at this point.
9 comments
We didn’t throw any big anniversary party for the 40th. The 25th and 50th were the big bashes, the other years the family took them out for a nice dinner. Cake, coffee, and gifts to follow. I was still a kid for their 25th so my uncle paid for that. My sib and I paid for their 50th. It’s a bit presumptuous for your mother to make hints like that IMO. No one is entitled to a party.
Well generally a big anniversary, you would think you and your siblings would want to. If you planned something would your siblings chip in for it? Doesn’t have to be a party, could just be a nice dinner or gift from the kids.
My mom and her siblings planned my grandparents 50th anniversary party together. I’m not sure who initiated the conversation about it but they each did different things to make it happen.
My parents 40th is also coming up. They don’t expect a party which is a good thing, because I don’t have the time, money or talent for such a thing. They are wealthy, and I’m barely making ends meet.
Just plan a trip to Vegas. Everyone has fun in Vegas.
Anyone can do it. Sounds like it’s common for the kids to do for the parents in your family. If you don’t plan to do one, at least let your mom know so she’s not disappointed or can plan it herself.
Please plan something!! It seems like she really wants it!
I know it’s unfair that your siblings are looking at you but think of your moms joy!! Even something smaller like a dinner at a restaurant that has an event room or an outdoor BBQ/potluck she can invite all her friends too!
It’ll mean a lot to her and the photos of her so joyful will be something you can look back at! :))
Maybe my view is unpopular but in my opinion, it’s up the people whose anniversary it is to plan something. If they want it, they should do it, it’s their anniversary. If adult children wanted to plan something and they offer – then sure! But I don’t see why the children should be obligated to do it and pay for it, especially if they don’t have the financial means to do so comfortably. Next time your mom brings it up, ask her what she is planning. It’ll also help manager any disappointment and set the boundary that you aren’t responsible for planning it.
My husband and his siblings threw the party for his parents’ 40th last year and they were very grateful but surprised as they didn’t expect their kids to do anything.