Wondering where everyone’s stands on this. I’ve definitely had a change of heart based on my last relationship.
I (29M) was and still am a decently low self worth/self confidence person. Even though I know I have no reason to, I have probably unrealistically high expectations of myself.
This led to me being decently insecure in my last relationship w/ (29F), which was definitely exasperated by other factors. For example, she shared a dog with her ex whom she dated for 5 years, we were 1.5 hours away from each other, I was never able to go to her house due to family problems which she still lived at home w her parents after her break up and that was for 9 months.
Anyways, those factors along with my own personal issues with self worth lead to me getting upset about dumb things sometimes, made me anxious, felt I wasn’t good enough for her and she’d find someone else, and generally feeling insecure in the relationship. All of which I never verbally stated to her, but I think are things you can just kind of pick up on when with someone, which ultimately pushed her away I think. I hate that I was in this place when I met her, because she’s truly an amazing person and I miss her a lot. We had a really, really deep connection.
To make a long story short, I am going to go ahead and withhold myself from relationships going forward for a while until I feel I fully love and am confident in myself.
How true does everyone else feel that this statement is?
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TL;DR Do you feel you can be in a healthy romantic love relationship without fully loving yourself first?
7 comments
I think people with strong insecurities or self-hatred or anxiety around relationships are going to be at a huge disadvantage in having successful, long-lasting relationships. I strongly recommend seeing a professional therapist to help you deal with any issues you have.
I do think we must get to know ourselves first and also get used to doing things on our own. When you know you can be independent and happy and tackle whatever happens because you believe in your own strength and skills, that’s when you’ll be able to leave a relationship anytime you want.
Also, people with low self-esteem and who don’t know themselves and their boundaries well enough, will be more likely to miss red flags in future partners.
Sharing a connection with another human being is tricky enough when you rely on yourself already, we need to take care of ourselves first
I don’t find it true at all. I have horrible self-esteem and can’t be alone with my thoughts, but I still love my fiancée more than life itself.
I donno
On the whole, I get the idea
But I’ve been in a pretty healthy and happy relationship and I certainly wouldn’t say I’ve *ever* fully loved myself
We both came into it with a lot of negative self image and depression
Is that ideal? No
Sometimes it felt like trying to save a drowning person while you are also drowning 😐
But to say it *can’t* work is also untrue
It just takes more work and more patience than it might be if you had more “self love” for sure
“Loving someone deeply gives you strength, being loved deeply gives you courage”
I hate it when people say this to me. I feel like they are saying that I don’t deserve to be loved.
I don’t agree with it as far as you can’t find love. I think you can find love even if you have insecurities or trust issues or whatever hangups. But I do think that the relationship will be a lot smoother and successful if you are happy within yourself and at peace with who you are. That’s just my thought and it’s ok if someone disagrees.