He lived here for 6 years before I moved in late last year and before we got married, we had a lot of long conversations about what our future looked like, where we’d live, work, raise our children, etc.
For the most part, we agreed on a lot of things and have both compromised to make other things work for us. The only issue is the house. In 2003-ish, his grandfather passed away and as he was the only resident here, the house was basically forgotten about and isn’t in the best shape. Somehow, the deed still falls under the deceased and changing it over to my husband as his mom wants nothing to do with the house, has not been done. So technically, I’m living in my MILs house, which I’m not thrilled about. I have always been under the impression that the deed issue was sorted a long time ago.
The newest issue has now become that my husband wants to renovate the house completely. I’m talking everything from roofing to tiles to landscaping, which is going to cost a pretty penny. I, however, don’t want to do this until either our names or our kids names are on the deed. I mention our kids because I don’t want it to seem as though I’m trying to steal a generational home. My husband has been dragging his feet on talking to his mother for almost a year now and I’m at my wits end. I absolutely refuse to put any more of my money, time or energy into a home I could be kicked out of tomorrow, considering how MIL hates me and feels indifferent towards my children. Husband says he wants to fix it so his grandfather can be proud of him and his hard work. But it’s my hard work as I had initially taken on all the responsibility of doing everything, even painting all the walls myself, thinking I was doing something that would benefit my kids.
He doesn’t want to upset his mom by “taking away” her fathers house, I’m tired of bringing it up because I hate nagging, he hates that I’m so “obsessed” with a house that isn’t mine and want to gain free things, I hate that he won’t do something that will benefit our children and I also hate that moving out isn’t financially feasible for us for at least another year but I also don’t want to live in a house that’s falling apart at the same time, which forces me to update a few things for the safety of my kids.
I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m starting to feel resentment towards him, which isn’t helping my relationship with him. How do I navigate this?
11 comments
Imagine prioritizing an old dead guy instead of your wife and children.
I understand your husbands point of view. But he absolutely needs to make sure that house is fully his before he does anything.
He should be putting you and your children above his mother’s feelings.
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Put your foot down. No more money into a home that you are not on the deed to. I could see MIL coming in and taking the house after its finished.
Heck. I bet that is their game plan.
You’re right, you shouldn’t renovate a property that isn’t yours. That money should be saved for a place of your own. With that said, this IS your MIL’s house and you two are taking advantage of her by staying there rent free, while at the same time arguing about what to do with a house that doesn’t belong to either of you. The sensible thing to do is for your family to move out and find a place of your own.
Was there a will saying the house goes to your husband? If there isn’t, then his mother does not have to sign over a property to him. There is no getting away with this, you can’t just take the house from her. Technically you are her tenants.
Your husband and you need to figure out something as you are correct, his mother could take over the property once it’s fixed up as it legally goes to her. I understand your husband’s desire to fix up the house, but I also understand how you don’t want to bury yourself financially into a property that isn’t, and might never be, your own.
Let things cool off for a couple weeks, then have a serious sit down with your husband and raise your concerns to him. Perhaps him and his mother could come to an agreement that the house only transfers to him. If she has no intention of transferring it, then he could suggest purchasing it from her, or you could discuss moving out.
There are benefits to staying without paying rent – you could build up a nice nest egg for retirement without worrying about bills.
MIL needs to file a quit claim deed and name your husband/you as the transfer party.
I would not put a single dollar in there until then because if you spend tens of thousands on renovation and the MIL decides she wants the house back, you’ll have no legal recourse to recoup reno costs (absent a contract) because you’re technically a tenant, rent or no.
Sinking money into the house without having control over the title is lunatic. If your MIL is volatile as you describe, she could, for example, choose to convey the house to the SPCA upon her death. Or some such.
Tell him you are moving. You aren’t obsessed with something free. You will gladly pay your half for something you own. Also remind him that you offered to let them put it into a trust fund for your kids. You aren’t after anything free. You are protecting yourself from someone who hates you to take advantage of your free time and money.
Tell him if protecting his wife from such things isn’t acceptable to him the least he can do is move out with you and go half on paying for your own home.
Lastly, warn him if he ever insults you again by accusing you of trying to steal from his family that you will serve him papers. Then demand an apology immediately.
OK, so did your MIL know your husband was taking possession of the abandoned house? What was MIL plans with it if he had not moved in?
You have 2 choices here. You can tell your husband that you refuse to put any more money into a house that does not belong to AT LEAST him, (and any lawyer would tell you that doing so would be beyond foolish) so if he wants to renovate, he needs his mother to sign over the deed. PERIOD. If he is too afraid to do that, then HE has made the decision to:
Continue living in the house rent free(though what you said about the taxes and utilities sounds wrong, and I wonder if you were told that by your husband who is just telling you that for some reason) save up the money you would have to use for rent until you have enough for a down payment for a house of your own.
Also,
> He doesn’t want to upset his mom by “taking away” her fathers house
says to me that his plan is to NEVER bring it up to his mother and instead, wait until she dies and he inherits it that way. Very, very foolish.
He doesn’t love you or your children he loves his mother and his house more
Serve him divorce papers and parental rights papers because any man that does that is a sperm donor and not a father