In the past (married a long time now) I dated some women who definitely turned heads. I’m an average guy and in two of the cases in particular, I truly loved them, beauty or not. No doubt they could have done better than me in the genetic department but both treated like they truly loved me, too. The problem I had was that in both cases they couldn’t help but start peacocking (is that the right word?) around other men who were obviously interested. I didn’t feel cheated on but it devalued the relationships from my perspective. Anyone else experience this?
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When I’m out with my partner it’s not very common that anyone will hit on her if I’m around. But if they do she just says “I have a boyfriend” and they move on
Dude, it’s nice to feel good looking. I’ll peacock any given time. I love the attention I get. Somehow it also makes me want my husband more. I’d never be bothered to be with anyone other than him, but innocent flirting, teasing and peacocking is so rejuvenating and invigorating.
I had a different experience. She hated the attention she got, and I was usually the target of her frustrations.
If she’s truly committed to a guy, they’ll say something like “I’m taken” or “I’ve a boyfriend” and go their way. That’s a green flag.
But she doesn’t shut down the flirting she’s enabling such behavior. That’s an automatic red flag.
Yes. My ex had a self-esteem issue and was an alcoholic. Getting attention from other men was the least of her “traits”. I might have been okay if it had stopped there but eventually turned into cheating w my “friends” and other stuff. I stayed for a while “because of the kids”.
Divorced single dad now for 8 yrs. I don’t put up with bullshit and never been happier.
Totally understand, dude. My wife is definitely way, **way** above my league.
I’m perfectly comfortable with the attention she gets, tbh. It makes complete sense to me that other dudes would be attracted to her — and it’s only natural for people to like the attention.
In regards to the peacocking, here’s where our experiences differ: she and I had a talk about it and we discussed boundaries, what I’m comfortable with, why she does it, etc. and we reaffirmed our love and loyalty to each other and that we aren’t out there to hurt one another. So now there’s a limit to her peacocking: she’ll show off a bit, but will never go too far, and if any dude crosses any boundaries she’ll let them know that she’s married. The boost to her self-confidence is incredibly sexy as well, and as a super average looking dude, it also boosts my self-esteem since I feel like a winner who has a wife that other men desire and can’t have.
tl;dr I suggest talking to her about it. The discussion really did strengthen our relationship and trust in each other.
She used to be a waitress at a private golf course. If anyone can handle drunk, entitled douchebags it’s her
Now that I think about it, she reacts in a very Klingon sort of way. Laughing in their faces and knocking them down a peg. It helps that she’s tall and built like a tank. Other than that, I second what a lot of other people have already said here.
I haven’t found the right girl yet, but in the two relationships I’ve been in, 1) initially just ignored, then started entertaining attention when the relationship wasn’t at peak honeymoon phase and 2) was addicted to attention and prob didn’t see me as a long term partner
She’s the self proclaimed “ice queen”. She does not tolerate that shit.
How do you react when women are attracted to/flirt with you? Does it make you feel good about yourself or bad about yourself? If it makes you feel good about yourself, do you make sure you are acting like it doesn’t?
Not cool. Thats disrespectful as fuck. My girl doesnt entertain other guys because she respects me and our relationship. As a woman she will always attract some dude’s attention but she doesnt entertain other guys, let alone have the audacity to do so in front of me. Id break up with her on the spot.
I like your use of peacocking, we’re a weird species. Usually it’s the males that are showy, but we human females get way fancy. My husband and I have a “look but don’t touch” agreement. He loves being flirted with, so do I, and we both love when someone is attracted to our partner. But it’s just flattery, and we’re happy. As long as we’re within bounds and we’re not messing with people or leading them on or trying to persuade someone to buy drinks on crappy pretenses, it’s fine. Some people allow full off-leash, some don’t even allow flirting. It’s just what you agree to. Find boundaries you’re both okay with.
My Absolutely gorgeous wife HATES attention. If a man was paying her attention that was possibly inappropriate, she would give me a look and I would immediately know. I would immediately put my body between her and him and make the dude so uncomfortable he would leave.
Then I would go home to a sloppy BJ.
>they couldn’t help but start peacocking (is that the right word?) around other men who were obviously interested
What would they do
When I was single I had some LTRs with some very attractive women. Professional models, California surfer girl and a Samurai princess. They often got lots of attention when they wanted it. I just told myself they were lucky to be with me. I’m 6’2″, decent looking, and with 3 college degrees. A lot of the guys they were getting attention from I thought were pretty trashy guys.
My wife is quite attractive but she dresses very modestly. She doesn’t seek attention from other men. She is also an Asian foreign national and not an American. That may explain why she acts the way she does.
Sounds like you have an insecurity problem. Unless she’s actually giving sexual innuendos or accepting favors from other men, a little chit chat never hurt anyone (except insecure people).
I’m also willing to bet both of them would balk hard at the term “peacocking” (which is done by the male of the species, btw) and call you insecure to your face.
Of course it’s your prerogative to leave them for whatever reason you choose, but in this case, you might want to do a little soul searching and see if you don’t have some room for improvement.
I married way out of my league and boy does she get attention. However my wife is either oblivious to it or she pretended to be…either way i am happy she is like that since it give me peace of mind
She gets uncomfortable.
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Interesting topic for you guy to bring up that’s been married for a long time.
I’m also married 20 years.
Pre marriage, casually dated but I made it clear when we are out together, your attention belong to me. Don’t like that, off you go. Most of the women were ok with that boundary. Except the artists, they are such free spirits.
Part of my marriage was rocky to say the least. During that time, my wife would give other men attention in front of me. I say attention I mean borderline flirting/ overly friendly. I called her out on that and she said I was over reacting. So I started carrying myself the same way with women in front of her. Oh, her overly friendly behavior stopped immediately.
Women may read this and think I’m controlling or insecure. Maybe but one sets boundary’s for a reason.
*Love* is to be known, safe, and does not drive up sexual heat.
Sexual Attraction comes from mystery, uncertainty, and risk.
Being in a committed long term relationship is about balancing those two things. Interestingly enough, seeing your SO through someone else’s eyes can remind you why they’re so great and make for some hot playtime. It actually can drive up sperm count – for those of you trying to get a homemade baby out there. If you’re familiar with Esther Perel’s work, the way you keep attraction alive in long-term relationships is by making this stuff work to your advantage in a healthy way.
It’s the fine line of being able to have a normal conversation with a person vs blurting out loudly, ” I HAVE A BF/GF!!!” If you don’t trust your partner, you don’t have much.
Its nice to know other guys like how she looks, but She comes home with me. She knows the boundaries, and hasn’t crossed them. It’s got us a few free rounds whilst on a night out, once or twice with me stood with her. All she does is talk to the guys who flirt with her, but not flirting back. General chatting. She’s had to establish that she’s taken with a few who try to cross those boundaries and I trust her. She makes it clear that she wants me despite how ever I am feeling about myself at the time.
My gf is totally unresponsive whenever someone tries to impress her. She lets the conversation die every chance she can. She speaks awkward silence.
Me being there or not has no impact on her response: she declines their attention.
Men have to be prepared to deal with other men looking and wanting their women if she’s hot. It comes with the territory boys.
This isn’t too big of an issue at all because a woman who truly loves and respects her man would never cheat.
If your SO ignores them, she’s the one. If she smiles back, she’s interested in other guys.
If my SO is with me and we notice someone trying to hit on anyone of us (despite noticing that we’re together) we’re probably laughing and joking while having second hand embarrassment while returning to whatever conversation we were having.
If the person still thinks it’s okay to hit on a taken person, my fiancé makes it damn clear that they should scatter before any unpleasantness happens.
If I’m alone on the other hand and notice someone trying to flirt with me, I don’t even bother answering. I just simply point with my right hand to my engagement ring sitting comfy on my left finger.
And sometimes even better, I don’t even have to do that because my friends make it very clearly that I’m taken. So they speak on my behalf. 😂
Don’t get me wrong I appreciate compliments. And there’s a difference between giving someone a compliment and leave it. Rather than continuing and thinking it will lead to something else.
But I do prefer compliments from females, knowing they actually mean it and don’t have any ulterior motives behind it. 🥹
Edit: Spelling error from complement to correct spelling compliment
I had this happen to me. Dated an extremely beautiful girl. When we first started dating, I believe it was our fourth date when I was tailing her because we were going back to her place. It was a last-minute decision after we initially meetup halfway for our date. Anyways as we were passing a stop sign some guy coming from the other way turned his head and smiled at her and she smiled back. Dude went as far as slowing down. She smiled back but it was a smile over being flattered like she recognized this dude was willing to stop watching the road and slow down to give her all that attention. He was a pretty attractive dude not going to lie but in all honestly didn’t mind it. I didn’t handle that situation until way after when we were at a Starbucks and this random girl came up to me to tell me I had the most beautiful eyes she’s ever seen. Date was not by me when it happened, but she was close enough to hear it. Later on the ride home she confronted me about it and told me I was being too friendly. I simply said “says the girl who rolls her eyes when I say not but smiles back at every stranger that lusts her way.” She tried acting like she didn’t know what I was talking about. I laughed it off and basically told her it was fair game. When she stops smiling back and responding she won’t have to worry about the compliments I hear from strangers almost every day. In all ruth the only way to combat this is to have her head over heels. Thery’ll always have the advantage as any desperate bum will lust for them. The only leverage you have is how much she feels for you. If you don’t feel like you got it on your grip you might as well get ready to let her go. Don’t ever push it tough. You simply let them know you’re aware. Then give them let them decide how they respond to the attention. Depending on what she does from then on you get ready to make a decision. Commitment OR Sacrifice.
She politely brushes them off and then immediately shifts her focus to me/touches me to get the point across.
It’s not too difficult of a situation to navigate.
This is so goddamn goony.
Imagine: you’re at a conference where you’ve just given a paper on, say, methods for improving the security of network appliances. After you give the paper, a bunch of people start asking questions, complimenting your work, and so on.
So your girlfriend sees that, and she’s like “cut that out. You doing a bunch of work in order to draw attention to yourself, it’s devaluing our relationship.”
You would probably come back with something like “what the hell is wrong with you? Are you so insecure that you think *other people paying attention to me because I am good at something has anything to do with you*?”
So she wants attention. So she wants validation. *Let her have it.* And don’t get all butthurt because you’re not the only person with the capacity to make her feel good about herself.
She’s friendly in a pure way, not flirty. I’m sure she enjoys the ego boost but I’m not worried at all about her cheating or anything.
If shes TRULY into you she will be excited to be on your arm, not the other way around.
If shes peacocking interest to other dudes while with you, shes trying to monkey branch.
A girl in a relationship who seeks external validation from other men (in real life or social media) is a bomb waiting to happen. You’ll never be enough for her and it’s only a matter of time. She should be seeking your approval by showing shes about you and faithful by making it clear shes with you.
A previous GF was an intimidating little Tasmanian devil who scared all of her co-workers and was the proverbial megaphone mouse that scared elephants. I still maintain she was a vampire as she had the skin of a 25 year old at 43 but it was hard to say if it was her curves or gorgeous face that caught attention. She was Italian five foot three 130lbs and I’m Swedish six foot five 270lbs
She had zero game for romance, had no clue about men and the only socializing she knew was corporate as she was dye’d in the wool corporate climber woman. A guy could flirt with her and she would be completely oblivious or think “what a nice guy”
When a guy would flirt with her, she would say “oh he just wants my body”, or “he is just a tea sandwhich man”, or “no he isn’t”, or “who is going to flirt with me when this mountain of a man (me) with known anger management issues is standing near me”
I would say you need to tell them “The surgeon generals recommends handling of this female with fireproof gloves and chainsaw resistant clothing as required”
She thought it was funny and I was 100% serious.
I seriously thought about having her get a tattoo with that just above her ass.
She always just smiled and politely said “thank you” when a man paid her a compliment, but she didn’t really reciprocate otherwise.
My lady is very beautiful, men can’t stop staring. Apparently she shuts them down even when I’m not around.