My girlfriend \[F20\] and I \[M20\] have touched upon the subject of possibly trying anal at some point for a while now. At first I think she thought it was more of a joke but then a few months ago she asked me “oh do you actually want to try anal?” and I said yes. Since then, I think we’ve brought it up one more time and she said we should try it “sometime in the future” but no definite date or anything.
With us, we usually don’t plan for anything to happen, it just does. My gf had no experience when we started dating, I was her first everything. We didn’t plan a specific time for her to lose her virginity. For a few weeks, we only did oral but then one day I was going down on her and she told me she wanted to fuck. During that first time, we tried switching to doggy but had to switch back because she said it was too deep and she wasn’t ready for it yet. But then a few weeks later, I flipped her over and asked her if she wanted to try doggy again and we did. Same with creampies, for the first year of our relationship I never finished inside her even though she was on the pill because she was worried about pregnancy, but then one day she told me to cum inside her and that’s pretty much where I finish 90% of the time now. But I think anal is for sure something we’d have to plan in advance.
We haven’t done any anal penetration at all, not even fingers (at least not on purpose, I have accidentally put the tip in when it was really dark but immediately pulled it out). I have eaten her ass for very short amounts of time on a few occasions when going down on her. The thing is, she is very concerned about hygiene (for example she won’t let me go down on her on her period or when sweaty after a workout) so I think if I were to ask her if I could finger her ass during oral or when I’m fucking her from behind she would definitely say no since she wouldn’t have had prepared.
How should I approach asking to explore anal? I’m hesitant to ask too often or put a set date on anything because I don’t want it to come off like I’m pressuring her to do it
4 comments
Just talk about it
You could just do research online and tell her ” I did some research and this is what I found out.”
There is the lube that most people recommend (probably anal-ease or however it is spelled). Most suggest to work up to the size of a penis by using a finger or two.
Some suggest doing it when the partner is tipsy since some have issues relaxing enough during anal.
You two should probably figure out a toy for you to use while it’s in her bum.
And some prep (mindful of what is eaten 48 hrs prior, possibly using laxatives, waving off the approach if shit goes sideways, etc.
Take things slow, have good communication with your partner, stop when she says stop, etc. It might be difficult to get over the initial sensation. It’s not just about relaxing, some find it easier for the partner to try simulate letting out a fart to avoid puckerfactoring.
Yeah, just have a conversation. She said yes once, but since it hasn’t happened yet don’t be disappointed if the ultimate answer is a no. She’s clearly open minded but it might be something she’s not comfortable with actual act of doing it. Come prepared to talk about cleanliness, lube, and how you’ll know if she’s enjoying it or wants to stop. Even with all that, you might still get a no, or an indefinite postponement if she doesn’t want to let you down. If that happens focus on the pleasure you can bring each other within the bounds you’re comfortable with.
I would go back and establish whether this is some thing your girlfriend is actually interested or open to.
I feel like the answer she gave you was pretty noncommittal, because “sometime in the future” is by its very nature indefinite.
So I would go back and seek clarification. “I would really like to try anal with you and I am happy to do all of the research that’s necessary and we can move at the pace that is comfortable for you, but I don’t know if this is something you actually want to try with me.”
If she says “I am interested, I’m just nervous, “that’s a greenlight for you to do the necessary research, so forth, and so on.
If she says “I’m not sure if I am ready or not,” take that as a red light, until otherwise indicated.
Then drop it. Seriously, drop it.
She’s not going to forget that you’re interested so you don’t need to keep reminding her. She knows this is what you want to do but the ball is now in her court in terms of how to advance this, and if she never brings it up again, it means she’s not interested.
One more thing I would add: you could see if she would be interested in anal play on you. If she saw you enjoying the experience, then this might help open up her imagination to how she might enjoy the experience as well.