One of my best friends claims I did something some years ago to his (now separated) wife – leaving her behind in a major metropolitan area while I went home after we got somewhere “safe.” I 100% know if I did what I was accused of, he’d have nothing to do with me ever again. This is the 3rd time in recent history that he’s done so. I recall a VASTLY different situation.
What I remember is that we got lost, had to use ALL the change in the car to get gas, and ended up back where we belonged. The strange thing is I don’t recall why she wanted to pick me up or would even be willing to do so (she hates me). But there are 2 factors that make me think that my version is true.
1. My family would have remembered that scenario and they don’t. None of my other friends remember it either, and I’m SURE it would have mentioned it to them.
2. Where we ended up, there really WAS no public transportation. Furthermore, at the time of the incident, I was broke. I couldn’t have left her to return home if I wanted to!
EDIT: We all were living together at the time for a business to get it going. So we returned “home” there was nowhere else for her to go – she just went to their room!
3 comments
Just apologize. Clearly, you’re not remembering things clearly. As you admit, you don’t even remember why you were with her or why she was alone with you and was willing to pick you up. This tells me that you have a pretty spotty memory or aren’t remembering things realistically.
Also, unless you guys are next door neighbors, after she dropped you off, you did technically leave her behind while you went safely inside your house, leaving her to figure out how to get from your place back to her place. If she hated you, she’d have no idea as she wouldn’t have frequently been at your place. Maybe she got lost on the way home from your place to her place.
If you recall that she drove home to her place, and then from her place, you walked home, then you can say your friend is lying— or perhaps talking about a different day– but otherwise, if you made her drop you off at home first, then you don’t know what happened to her on the way home; she could have had a flat tire or gotten a traffic ticket or had something else happen to her.
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This means nothing:
>My family would have remembered that scenario and they don’t. None of my other friends remember it either, and I’m SURE it would have mentioned it to them.
Because unless you see yourself as a monster, if you did this you’d be too ashamed to tell anyone.
>Where we ended up, there really WAS no public transportation. Furthermore, at the time of the incident, I was broke. I couldn’t have left her to return home if I wanted to!
Also doesn’t prove anything. Unless you made her drive for 5 hours to get you, you could have walked home from wherever you ended up, even if it took you half a day to walk home. And if she hated you, you wouldn’t have called her for a 5 hour drive. If the car was low on gas, maybe you had her drop you off an hour or half hour from your house.
You just don’t remember enough details to say that your friend is wrong.
Consider if it is gaslighting and why it might be happening. If it is gaslighting there are a variety of things you can do – physically walk away/leave conversation, state you do not remember things that way or you’ll have to agree to disagree. There are firmer actions you can take (a search for gaslighting boundaries or responses will bring these up) which I can’t recall because I’m not comfortable using them just yet.
Peoples memories are not ideal and 2 (and more) people can recall the same event differently.