Me(25) gf (22) Hello. Is it okay that my gf goes clubbing with her friends and they join random group of guys who are trying to pay them stuff. Meanwhile im not there. So she is going out drinking and hanging out with random guys who try her. Am I wrong? Is she wrong? I dont want that in my relationship and I dont think that right. Thank you for answers
44 comments
If you don’t want that in your relationship, you should discuss this with her. I think it’s reasonable…
Have you discussed it with her already? Did she seem to understand your feelings or not?
Personally, I couldn’t deal with that as it would make me jealous af and I know exactly what guys are like. But that’s just me.
Are her friends single and the single friends are interested in the guys? That would make more sense to me. if all the girls have boyfriends then no, they shouldn’t be doing that.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with it personally but it’s about what you’re comfortable with and having a conversation with her about it
I’ve been through this, usually it’s ends in a breakup in various ways. At first it’s just friends, then it’s visiting, etc. I had. 4 year serious relationship and this sounds all too familiar…I think it’s fair that your concerned, but the “club” is not your friend.
Communication, communication, communication. Talk to her. Tell her your bounderies, and come up with “rules”.
You can also switch it around, and see if she’d be okay with you going to clubs, or even a strip club. Similar circumstances, different genders.
You’re going to have to make up your mind if you want to continue being with her, if she doesn’t want to change. That’s up to you, and above Reddit’s paygrade.
Absolutely not okay. I understand you are young but in 10 years from now you are going to look back and ask yourself “how the F did I even think this was okay”.
She belongs to the streets
That’s not your girl
why did u date a clubbing girl in the first place and expect that not to happen
Really depends on the kind of person she is. We got no info about you 2. Everyone is just filling gaps with personal experiences that may or may not apply to your case.
It’s a no from me. Bro, basic respect. Even if she doesn’t cheat or intend to do anything with the guys, using herself to get free drinks from guys who want to fuck her doesn’t sit right with me.
Neither of you are “wrong”, this needs to be a discussion about boundaries. You have every right to not want your girlfriend to join in with groups of guys who pay for their drinks, she has every right to want to enjoy that freedom, but not if it’s going to hurt her partner. You also have the choice to leave if she thinks accepting drinks off guys is more important than your relationship. That said, none of us know your gf and it’s possible there’s a scenario where she truly does make it extremely evident that she has a boyfriend and maybe doesn’t allow her own drinks to be purchased. That’s usually how I handle things if I’m out with my girlfriends and a guy wants to buy us drinks. “I’ll pass, I don’t want to be disrespectful to my boyfriend. But my friend here might be more receptive!”
Just talk to her and decide if you can trust her.
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Twenty-two is a whole lot different perspective wise than twenty-five. Even though everyone will jump down my fucking throat for saying that. I’m just saying you are about to enter a different phase of your life, and she may not be there yet.
Only you can decide what is right and what you are willing to tolerate in a relationship.
If you feel uncomfortable with the situation and set a healthy boundary with her and she does not respect your boundaries then that is a completely different problem.
Talk with her and is said conversation does not go good then you have to decide if that’s a behavior that you feel comfortable and are willing to accept, if not then unfortunately it will only eat you up inside unto it eventually is detrimental to your relationship and ends up destroying in in the end anyway and cause even more pain then just calling it quits now.
If you don’t want it set a boundary. If she doesn’t like that then break up.
You’re not wrong if it makes you uncomfortable and you can tell her that you don’t like it.. she’s only 22 and wants to have fun with her friends! And it’s totally ok for her to do whatever she wants. No one owns you or has the right to tell you what they can or can’t do. That only breeds resentment trust me.
And you also don’t have to stay with someone who does things that make you feel a certain type of way.. and you don’t continue to be her boyfriend. If you don’t want that then end it.
I mean she’s 22. I’d be surprised if she wasn’t going out partying.
In the end, it depends what you feel comfortable with. Do you trust her to not flirt with other men? If she hasn’t given you reason to doubt her fidelity to you, then I see no issue personally. I talk to random people of both genders on a night out all the time with no intentions, I’m a social creature.
I think you should ask to go out with her and her friends. If she tries to stop you, that’s a red flag. If you go and she chats to other men the whole time, just bail there and then. If she’s enthusiastic and dances with you a lot, a green flag.
Are you much into the clubbing/music/socialising scene like she is? If not, you might not be the most compatible couple.
Dump her lol. Respect yourself more than that.
My friend does this and her husband is okay with it because they get to save money and she gets to have fun lol. She is not interested in other men and she does have her own boundaries with these dudes.
That being said idk anything about your gf. If I was a dude idk how comfortable I would be if my partner was doing this but that’s why it depends on what YOU’RE comfortable with. You don’t want to stuff this type of stuff down as it will lead to resentment, and you deserve to be in a relationship that feels right to you.
Do the same thing and hang out with other women. See how she likes it. That’ll show her what she’s doing is wrong without you having to say anything
You’re young, dump her. She can hang out with all of those men if thats what she wants
“Gf clubbing with random men”
” I dont want that in my relationship and I dont think that right.”
The only person you can control is yourself.
If you have expressed to her how you feel, and she doesn’t want to stop then move on.
Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.
Each of us is entitled to have our own “red flags”, boundaries, and “deal breakers”.
Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.
Ideally you want to find someone who *already is* what you want in a partner.
When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet your needs it’s usually best to move on.
No one is “stuck” with anyone. Suffering is optional.
***”When you can’t change the direction of the wind – adjust your sails.”*** – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
***”Decide what kind of life you actually want. Then say no to everything that isn’t that.”*** – Unknown
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
If yall are at different wavelengths in your lives then it is what it is. No one is right or wrong unless shes actually disrespecting your relationship by engaging with other people. She could just enjoy dancing and free drinks. But if you feel uncomfortable then it is what it is and asking her to stop is gonna create resentment anyway.
I’d tell her it makes you feel weird, gauge her reaction, and tell her you dont think it’s working out. No hard feelings but yall are two different personalities and should find like minded people.
well if u don’t want it in a relationship tell her, if both parties can’t reach a happy conclusion then simply end the relationship and move on
It’s 100% up to you.
Your relationship doesn’t involve the internet. Its YOUR relationship, YOUR boundaries.
Personally? I don’t care. I don’t care to drink nor do I care for going to clubs. As long as my S/O comes home i don’t care if a bunch of dudes flirted and bought her drinks. I trust her enough to know she won’t cheat. – if I don’t trust her not to cheat while drunk..I’m simply not dating her.
Ask yourself
Are YOU comfortable with her clubbing without you? Shes with friends.
Are YOU comfortable with her drinking without you?
Are YOU comfortable with her getting flirted with and spoiled by other men?
If youre not okay. Tell her. If she still goes for it. Ask yourself “Is this boundry worth my relationship?” If its not worth it. Then get over it. Go do something to get your mind off of it/with friends.
Set guidelines of your expectations/her expectations. Also have a deeper conversation between the two of you of what your boundries are.
If it is worth your relationship. Break up and go on your way. Congratulations you better understand what you want in a relationship.
this is how 22 year olds act. if you don’t trust her then break up with her
I think you answered your own question.
You and her are your own people. If you don’t want that then speak your mind knowing that she has every right to want that and doesn’t need to change for you.
There’s a lifestyle for everyone.
Cant deal with it ? Talk to her , she can’t deal with it , you try to negotiate, no avail , break up .
Are you invited or not invited to go too?
yes it is.
Leave behind the idea that you are right and she is wrong or vice versa. It doesn’t matter who is “right”. What matters is what is right for you. This is obviously not right for you, so if this is something she has to do and won’t quit, then you aren’t compatible.
Part of me thinks if she’s doing that purposefully then it’s not ok, but she’s of the age where pretty much all girls do this. Part of me thinks if you can’t trust her and let her have fun then why are you with her?
1. Early 20s is a messy age, and if you or your gf is the clubbing type, it is a lifestyle that leads to more messiness. Period.
2. You have to communicate. Period. Tell her it bothers you (in a calm, direct, way, not as a threat or as a “gotcha” moment). Mention that your boundaries in a relationship don’t include room for that. If she’s apologetic and reassuring, then you can choose to believe her, or not. If she gets defensive and views the partying as more important than the relationship, then you go from there. You should also be clear that you’re not against her friendships, just against the constant single’s situations she finds herself in in clubs with them. Unless you are against her friendships, which is a problem on your end.
I’ve grown enough to accept the stance of full confidence in myself in relationships. Not that I’m trying to hold back or be aloof or distant, but I do work in relationships from the thought that “if they can take her, they can have her.” Because if she can be woo’d into cheating, then she was never for me. You owe yourself that kind of confidence in yourself. When this is your mental starting point, then situations like yours become a lot less stressful.
There’s only something wrong with it if she’s doing something wrong or leading them on. If she’s just accepting free drinks from idiots trying to get in her pants, she’s doing nothing wrong and you need to get over yourself, champ.
Do you trust your girlfriend is the only question you need to be asking.
Do you trust her or not? This is rhetorical of course because if you did trust your gf you wouldn’t be asking rando’s on Redit this question. Insecurity and jealousy rarely end up being appealing to women. So the real question isn’t “is what she’s doing not right?” The real question is are secure and trusting enough in your relationship to handle other dudes being around your girl. I know that lots of guys especially the morons that call themselves alphas are convinced they can “take” a dudes girl because of their “game” but the truth is first of all that’s absolutely nonsense and the other is no woman is “taken” if she goes with another dude it’s a choice she made not him. Happy women don’t cheat. Remember that!
I’ll be honest and say I’m uncomfortable with it like you are and would prefer she didn’t. BUT I have been around tons of groups of women at bars and parties and sometimes the ones in a committed relationship are dodging attention appropriately and just trying to drink with their friends. No flirting with other men and what not. It really depends what type of person she is but yea I don’t blame you for being insecure about it.
If you’re not comfortable with it…. Then you’re not.
If she really enjoys clubbing, then you two might have to find a middle ground. It could be that she reduces the frequency and you go to the clubs with her.
My husband says it’s just drinks he doesn’t have to buy me 🤣🤣
Lotta projection in this comment section. My big question is why aren’t you going with her? Seems more fun to go drink & dance w/ your gf than to sit at home w/ FOMO & suspicion.
At 22, yes it is normal. It is also probably not what you think. I would often go out with my friends and guys would buy us drinks. I would always say I had a boyfriend and people respected it. If they didn’t, we would leave. But it is USUALLY not a situation that causes any issues. If your girlfriend is a trustworthy and honest person, you have nothing to worry about.
This means little on its own but a general rule of thumb to watch for when young: rules for thee not for me
I had a partner who went out w her friends, and had no issues if I did. That one ended because I moved.
Had another partner who went out w friends but this one did **not** approve of me doing so. That one didn’t last long.
What a person does, in a vacuum, isn’t enough to judge anything.
Speaking in facts, if she’s not done anything to earn your mistrust you’re out of line assuming negativity of someone you supposedly trust; you cannot punish a person for what other people similar to them do. They are not them.
If she has, then that’s a bigger deal than this.