My boyfriend gave me some feedback that he wants me to be more active and aggressive during sex, like be more passionate and grab him I guess. Which I don’t even know how to start doing because it’s the opposite of my personality, I’m used to being tender and loving during sex. I also don’t know how to keep sex intimate if you’re throwing each other around the whole time.
He also wants me to start dirty talking. When it comes to dirty talking, I don’t even know what to say besides how good he feels, and I feel really self conscious and awkward saying even that.
Any advice on either of those things?
31 comments
Passionate engagement is key. You don’t want to be a “pillow princess”
You have two legs two arms two hands, a pair of lips and a nice set of hips, not to mention a voice and a smile.
Use them all! When he’s fucking you, wrap around him and engage fully. When he thrusts downward, meet his thrust with an upward twerk. Dig your nails into his back. Bite his neck. Suck his nipples. Be a wild animal in bed, make it an experience that he will remember.
By intimate, I assume slow and romantic? Sex is great when you can change things up. Sometimes, have the candles and the passion. Other times be more animalistic. Others, have it be more fun. Some of the best laughs are during sex when something silly or embarrassing happens.
One thing to try is mentally focusing on your physical wants and using him as a toy. We often try to please our man which can result in him taking the lead. Forcing what you want is a lot of fun and guys usually love it as it changes from you being more passive in the bedroom. For example, while watching TV, grab his hand and lead him to the bedroom. Start taking off his clothes. Push him down on the bed and start sucking his cock. Not because he wants it, but because you want it. Want cowgirl? Climb on top and take it. Want him to eat you out? Lay down and tell him to do it. Or move into the 69 position. Your excitement will increase his excitement.
The nice thing is by focusing on what you want and telling him to do it, you are also talking dirty to him. “I want you to fuck me from behind.” “I want to feel your tongue deep inside me.” “I want you to use my toy on me.” “Fuck me harder!”
Don’t worry about being self-conscious and awkward. He has his woman having sex with him and she is taking charge. He will love it no matter what you say.
Have fun with it and enjoy your time with him. At the end of the day, it is just sex and it is meant to be fun and pleasurable.
I don’t think he is requesting for you to throw him around. He just want more intimate interactions. Imagine if your boyfriend wasn’t touching you much and being silent. Sex would be boring for you too. Get more hands-on and learn to communicate more. There is nothing inappropriate in talking while doing the deed. Wrap your arms around his back for example and kiss him on his neck or something.
If you like tender sex and he prefers more animalistic sex, then there’s an issue of compatibility. Sure, you can experiment and see if you like wilding in bed. But if you don’t, then find a better match.
You’ve got two good hands (I assume), touch him, grab him, just make sure they’re on his skin, eventually you will find what feels natural and good. And just say whatever comes from your heart (or your š±š) even if it’s just one word or even if you stutter. Only practice makes perfect, and in this case, even the practice is fun as hellāŗļø and perfect isn’t even what we strive for.
One of my favorite simple moves is to get him to kiss me in front of the bed or couch and then just suddenly push against his chest to make him fall back onto the mattress and get on top of him, even if it’s just to make out a little more š
Something I really love to do is placing my open hand on his jaw and controlling his movements a bit, you can use this to move his face for a kiss, you can use to to tease him and hold him back a little when he goes for a kiss.
Dominance is so much about the small things rather than huge acts.
One word. Backshots
Seems llike your man is looking for you to fulfill the clichĆ© of wanting a ‘whore in the bedroom’. Most men don’t really mean that, they’ve experienced very few actual prostitutes and the idea of having intercourse with a person whose sole aim is transactional…they wouldn’t be doing it without the payment…is something that very few folks really want.
That aside, you might try role playing the ‘pricey escort’ for a night and behave like like a woman that knows how to use her body to please her partner just enough to satisfy him and not break any of your own self-image. No wholesale change in behavior…Just dial up whatever you do a bit. More rhythm…More hip thrusting…Some dirty whispers.
From what you’ve typed you’re not interested but for his sake could it hurt?
If i may suggest few things
Do your research, look up videos of scripted adult industry dirty talks, you can also google or even look up on redit as how some girls talk dirty to guys, at first it feels wierd and kinda akward, but after little practice you might even enjoy it.. but keep in mind, what works for some people may not work for you, im bilingual, and i was told im pretty good at dirty talks on my 1st languge rather than on english, i was actually told that my english dirty talk feels bit akwardšš
When it comes to being aggresive in bedroom, its sorta kind of 2 way street if you ask me.. if he really wants you to do things aggresively with him, have him show you few thing that he would like you to do.. personally i really enjoyed and thought it was hot when my ex(5’4 160/180 pounds) was pushing me(6’2 280 pounds)around.. she obviously didnt have the stenght to do it, so i had to follow her flow.. and pretend as in she is actually pushing me aroundšš
As example, i enjoyed it when she randoomly pushed me up against the wall out of blue, and reached in for kiss, and when i tried to touch her chin while kissing her, she slammed my hand against the wall and grabbed me by my face and told me i am now at her mercy.. as she kissed my cheek she pretended like she was about to bite my face off, and that had me going like crazyšš. i also loved it when my ex scratched my back in my misionary to point where i bleed a bit..
In any point, even if you show that you try and put in a effort with open mind he will definatly appreciate it!
I would have to know first off if you are just laying there basically motionless when you have sex? If thatās the case you are a problem. The worst thing you can do is be a dead lay as it was called when I was younger. Most guys need to be treated like a puppy in training all the time,you have to let them know theyāre a good boy. I know youāre not comfortable with dirty talk and bouncing around but I donāt think heās asking for that,it may someday reach/surpass that when you get passed your insecurities and are more relaxed. I think if you ask him āwhat can I do to make you enjoy sex moreā and talk about those things then give it a try,you will things improve. I have gone through this twice before and both times it ended well,the last one was with my wife. She was a virgin,never been touched and never touched anyone before which made things a challenge for a while. Over the first few years of our relationship she became relaxed with me as I did with her and our sexual relationship was incredible for about ten years.She basically started off as a dead lay and turned out comfortable with a while lot of things.Good luck with everything!
Lick and bite him all over, his neck, his ears, his cheeks even his shoulders… Use your hands to touch him and grab him, run them through his hair, push your nails on his back and don’t be scared to grab his ass while he is thrusting… Use your hips to match his movements, lock your legs and have him stay inside you as deep as he can… Ask him to tell you what he wants you to do to him (both in the heat of the moment and when you’re just talking)…
Now to the dirty talk: you can say things like “let me worship your cock”, “fuck me like that”, “i’m your good girl”, “i’m your fucking slut”, “use me”, “let me use you”, “let me ride your hard cock”, “you make me so fucking wet” etc… In general don’t be scared to throw the word fuck every now and then, it makes it so much hotter especially if you say it passionately while exhaling for example…
And most importantly look for feedback. If something you say or do throws him off and he tells you, don’t feel bad it’s no big deal… Just keep in mind for next time… Don’t take it personal…
Since I don’t know you and everyone has different interests and levels of comfort, I’m just going to say what I do and what feels most natural to me, and you can use any of it that you think you would be comfortable with.
>he wants me to be more active and aggressive during sex, like be more passionate and grab him I guess
In missionary, I put my hands on his face/in his hair or on his waist if he’s hovering over me. I put my hands on his thighs if he’s upright. It doesn’t sound like much, but it adds a level of intimacy. I also like to look into his eyes, which is especially intimate for us because eye contact is difficult for me.
In doggystyle, I put one hand on his thigh when he’s hitting really deep, and I personally think it’s really hot on top of adding intimacy. I actually just asked him how it makes him feel and he said that it makes him want to keep doing what he’s doing.
I don’t do cowgirl often, but when I do, I put my hands on his chest or I lean forward and hold him while I ride him.
>I’m used to being tender and loving during sex. I also don’t know how to keep sex intimate if you’re throwing each other around the whole time.
Intimacy isn’t just about being gentle, though the word does mean different things to different people. If you’re worried about losing intimacy, there are plenty of ways to make sure that it still feels that way.
You could do the things I mentioned above, or you could run your fingers into his hair, or you could kiss during sex (in the right positions, of course).
When it comes to what he does to me, I love when he grips my waist or my ass. It makes me feel like he’s addicted to me and doesn’t want to let go. I also love when he puts his hands on my waist, stomach, or thighs while he’s eating me out.
>When it comes to dirty talking, I don’t even know what to say besides how good he feels, and I feel really self conscious and awkward saying even that.
First, I’m curious: Why do feel self-conscious and awkward about telling him that he makes you feel good? That kind of praise and validation is important for anyone, even those that don’t technically have a praise kink. It’s a boost of confidence and reminds him that he’s a good lover to you.
That aside, I say things like, “Fuck, that feels so good,” or “Please fuck me as hard as you can.” Sometimes I’ll just say, “Fuuuck.” If he’s teasing me and making me beg, I’ll say, “Please give it to me, I want your dick,” or something like that. I mostly just moan, which he also loves.
If you feel self conscious have a drink or better still buy some poppers from online or a sex shop , you wontt care what you do of say then ,
Just take control a lil bit more. This meansā¦tell him want you lie, tell him what to do, do what you want to do. If you want your ussy licked tell him to do it or get him on his back, slide your hips to his face and grind your damn clit onto his mouth and ride away till you cum. If you want him to fuck slower or harder tell him to do it or do it yourselfā¦.just participate rather than be a rideā¦be the rider.
Some people who are expected to be dominant in the workplace want to be submissive in bed. So possibly he wants you to be dominant in the bedroom as the ‘aggressive’ comment.
More active could be touching his chest/stomach while in missionary, grabbing his hips/ass and pulling him in with each thrust. It could mean he wants you to rub your nipples or clit while having sex.
For me, example when me and my wife are in missionary she keeps pushing me down towards her, or passing her nails on my back…. Those things turn me on, once she saw my back after we had done and she left nail marks, i liked it she apologized š it’s a matter of what do you like
Alright this is going to be a funny one, but give this a shot: what if you are lovingly dominant? Tell him what to do, tell him what you want to do to him, and do it in a kind and gentle loving way. “I want you to go sit on the sofa, take off your clothes. I’m going to tease you for awhile. It gets me so turned on watching you feel good so I want to enjoy it for awhile. Don’t cum, I want you to save it for me, just enjoy what I’m doing for awhile and then I have some other things for you to do.” Then you can do things you like to him, whatever, handjobs or slow teasing blowjobs whatever. Then switch and tell him what you want him to do to you. “Ok, that was really hot, but I want you to get on the floor now, down between my legs, I want to feel your tongue but don’t rush, maybe start with my legs. Good boy” etc. How does that sound OP?
I love sex as a man but I rather becarefull I agree š
Simplest dirty talk Amethyst has started “fuck, just fill me up!” Especially when I’m close to cumming in her
This is the best thread on Reddit! Prove me weong
[here’s a guide! ](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/b499pu/life_hacks_for_dirty_talk_and_a_primer_for_those)
[and another! ](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/dqnc6/dirty_talk_102_talking_dirty_to_a_guy_by_request)
Edit to add [another guide for a bit more Dom/degrading talk ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/comments/4vsqxz/extreme_dirty_talking_and_you_a_guide_v30)
Jump off his dick
Blow him a bit
Jump back on
That’s just code word for “please slap and grab my ass”
Your partner is encouraging you to take the lead – it can make you feel self conscious at first but go for it – one thing at a time. You donāt have to change who you are.
Maybe try and initiate sex – āLetās go upstairs now.ā
For dirty talk You donāt have to go too dirty – āthat feels so goodā and lots of moans!
He wants you to be more aggressive? Pull out a 12 inch strap on, see if he ever says that again. Lol.
Youre overthinking this. “Assertive” might be a better word. Your guy wants to see you lustful here and there, to be present with him and matching his energy during the sesh. This doesnt mean being a sexual freak bdsm goddess. If he inspires horniness in you then he wants to see it in a more visceral way than the vibes you might be putting out.
Start by conciously hamming it up, be thinking about it, your mannerisms. Dont feel pity or unconfident, self aware, just do it. Get feedback, repeat. Be creative and confident.
Hereās something Iāve not fully understood until recently, men donāt like delicate soft touching kissing when they are having their primal moment of screwing.
If you touch him in any way, you now need to increase that by more than half. I squeeze now to the point where I think it would be uncomfortable for me, but itās always
Spot on for my man.
Pull his hair as you lock on to him but donāt yank it. Slowly increasing the pressure while you bounce on his *ick tends to turn the temperature up. Go Faster? Pull Tighter.
Jump into his arms when you see him and wrap your legs around his waist and tell Him you want him to f*ck you on that counter or table. Tell him to slide you down to the end of the counter and to eat your š½
Spank his bare ass when giving him oral or in missionary. Tell him how good his cock feels in your mouth and how good his cum tastes. Eye contact and sexual faces while he watches you.
Tell him how hot his *ick is and how you love to feel him stretch you deep inside. Tell him heās so big
that it hurts, and smile. (Not bc it actually does but for a naughty sexual idea)
Tell him you love to get on your knees and let him face f*c you. Praise him of how well he f*cks u.
Tell him to make you cum
Of all things aside and of all the things that can be done in the plight of active…simply run your nails though his hair…his back and thighs.
I love my SO to claw her fingernails into my back during the missionary position. We start slowly but as I’m thrusting deeper, I want her nails harder into my skin. I wouldn’t mind her drawing blood but we haven’t got that far yet. She refuses to do it before we go on holiday, saying someone will notice while we’re around the pool.
Well in terms of intimacy, I donāt know since itās been a while. BUT for my fuck buddy- I always grab his back or neck when we are in missionary or when heās going down on me, which I would also play with his curly hair. As for dirty talking, I just say āharderā, āfuck me harderā, āfasterā, ākeep goingā- but I donāt consider these *dirty*. I also rub my clit when heās inside, especially in doggy style. He canāt control himself and cums.
Just read porn stories. Don’t watch porn. But the stories. The way women are acting is mostly the greatest way to take active part in sex.