so i liked this guy 2 years ago, we were classmates but in a different class so we rarely got to meet. but 2 years ago we had to do something as a group so we bonded and we are kinda friends , like friends in college, we don’t really talk privately.
he’s pretty quiet, doesnt post on social media (i don’t have his instagram, only a chatting app), he’s probably an introvert and doesn’t have A LOT of friends like some people do. again, he’s really quiet.
he’s changing college because something happened during his internship and it was pretty sudden, he has good grades and is good at it, so something bad must have happened that made him want to change after 3 years in this course.
i’m very sad to learn about this and also when i realized we are not crossing paths again…i also just learned that i still kinda have a crush on him, tho we haven’t talked in 2 years, i’m thinking if it’s weird to approach him so suddenly and ask him what happened at the internship and wheres he changing to? i really want to talk to him and kinda see him for the last time. we didn’t really have anything going on, it’s a one sided crush, but i’m not confessing or anything, i just want to talk to him the last time. will it be weird if a girl who hasn’t talked to you in over two years approached you and ask about your private matters?
i’ve been thinking about this for over two days, it’s all over my mind. need some advice.
tl;dr my ‘friend’ is leaving and i’m too nervous to talk to him for the last time
17 comments
I say you should reach out, he’ll probably be happy that you did. The worst that could happen is he says no, and if so, that’s ok because you tried.
How do you know about his college/internship stuff? If it’s something you heard about directly from him–even if it was just in a big group chat or something–then I think you can bring it up.
If you only know about it through the grapevine, it might seem kind of creepy. You might be better off sticking with something more surface and bland in that case, like “Hey, I heard you were transferring away from $College–I just wanted to wish you luck and say that I always enjoyed chatting with you.” Not in those exact words, necessarily, but just don’t pry into what might be something traumatic if you’ve literally had no conversations in 2 years. ETA: You could even offer to go grab coffee or something before he leaves if you want, though he of course might say no.
Unless he specifically told you personally about his internship, I wouldn’t ask him what happened – that sounds like an overstep, especially with someone who sounds pretty protective of his private stuff. But a more general “I heard you were transferring and wanted to wish you luck and see how you’ve been” sort of message ought to be fine. And it leaves the door open for him to tell you more about what happened to change his path, if he *wants* to tell you.
It’s no big deal to get back in touch. Just text him and say “Hey X, I heard you planned to transfer to a different college. We haven’t been in close contact since that big group project two years ago, but I enjoyed working with you, and I’m sorry to hear you’re leaving. Can I take you out for a good-bye coffee/drink/dinner sometime before you go?”
Assuming he agrees, don’t ask him directly about why he’s leaving. Just be pleasant and friendly. This is basically an opportunity for the two of you to catch up AS FORMER CLASSMATES AND NICE PEOPLE on what you’ve been doing over the past two years – not a romantic “date.” I’m sure his reasons for transferring will come up during your conversation.
If the evening goes well, you can ask him at the end of it if he wants to stay in touch after he transfers. If he does, I’d wait to see how your long-distance friendship develops, before you let him know about your crush – if you ever do. If you didn’t like him enough to pursue him while he was living locally, I don’t know why you’d want to start a long-distance relationship with him after he leaves.
>i’m thinking if it’s weird to approach him so suddenly and ask him what happened at the internship and wheres he changing to?
Yes, it is.
You’re some random person who is just being nosy about someone else’s life. You’re just curious what happened, but it doesn’t actually affect you at all and you literally do not know this guy.
Him going to another college is the best time to reach out to him. It’s the perfect excuse to meet him outside of college. Tell him he’s “Xyz” and that it would be a good idea to catch up sometime. Since you always enjoyed your interactions with him. You can start all this with saying you’re saddened to hear he’s moving to another college. Just say that and ask if things are alright. He’ll either let you in on what’s up, which means he likes and trusts you, or he’ll just keep it short but if he does the latter but stays in touch with you then he probably likes you back. You just gotta find excuses to meet him. Or maybe he’ll find excuses to meet you. Who knows. You won’t know if you don’t have a go
Someone’s not heing honest with themselves.
I wouldn’t ask about what happened, but I’d try to keep up. An old friend who was interested in me 7 years ago hit me up after I suddenly moved away and we’ve become really close. It could be worth it if you both want to talk more!
There’s definitely nothing wrong with reaching out to him to say you’re sorry to hear that he’s changing schools.
But, let’s be honest. You didn’t just find out you’re still crushing on him. You just admitted it to yourself. 😏 Whatever the case, you have nothing to lose!
Go for it, you have nothing to lose
It’s fine if you want to reach out and see what he says.
…but this definitely comes off as selfish. Wanting to see him “one last time” because you’re curious about what happened with his internship and because you might also have a crush on him? What do you expect would happen after this meeting? He opens up to you to satisfy your curiosity and then goes on his way?
If I were to reach out to someone going through something like that, it would be with an offer of comfort/sympathetic ear, well wishes and an offer to stay in touch for personal or professional reasons.
Go for it, guys like being reached out to, even if they dont admit it. Vast majority of us go through life we very seldom being acknowledged like this.
Just ask him out for a drink/lunch/pint/whatever!! You clearly want to! What’s the worst that will happen? You’ll never see him again if you don’t, and if he says no then no biggie.
Not weird. I catch up with old friends after years and it’s always appreciated. The older you get the more you realize it’s harder to make new friends and staying in touch with old ones is nice.
It wouldn’t be too weird if you wanted to check in. Ask him if he wants to get coffee or something. You want to catch up. It may also help him to hear that someone’s thinking of him, even if your intent isn’t to start anything romantic.
I’m an introvert, and I’ve never regretted asking an acquaintance out to coffee and chatting.
You haven’t spoken in two years and somehow have a crush and have overinvested in this person for some reason. It comes across as a bit weird to be completely honest.
Being that you’ve started 5 threads on this, I’d say go talk to him. Stop over analyzing it.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.