My boyfriend (M43) and his ex-wife (F43) are super close, they have a son (M 11) together and divorced 5 years ago due to him being disloyal. I (F34) came onto the scene about 18 months ago and we now live together. We’ve recently been having a tough time and arguing on almost a weekly basis about everything from what to cook for supper to where we are going to live. It all came to a head a few days ago and resulted in a shouting match and me sobbing on the sofa. He just came home and was on the phone to his ex-wife as they talk quite a bit about logistics, their son, and what I believe is too much day-to-day stuff. He didn’t know I was home and I overheard him saying how things had been a bit tough lately and her replying going that they are very chilled as parents go and that she hoped everything was ok. He then said ‘thanks for being an ear’ before saying bye. I then came downstairs and he looked SO surprised to see me and very flustered. We’ve already had fights about how much they speak so I didn’t say anything in the moment and now I’m wondering if I should have done. It may or may not have been about me so I do not want to jump to conclusions but I just feel like I’m being turned into a paranoid mess by how much they communicate and don’t like the fact that he is talking to her about our relationship.
TDLR overheard boyfriend talking to his ex-wife about what sounded like our relationship issues. How can I ask him without causing another fight or do I just leave it?
6 comments
Your post history says husband; here it’s BF. Something is not right.
It sounds like she’s a friend and part of his support system. It’s also relevant for her to know what environment her son grows up in e.g. if you’re fighting all the time it’s probably best that the kid isn’t there to see it. He cheated on her, she probably remembers how that feels and I think if anything she’d be on your side. I don’t think you have any reason to be jealous of her specifically and I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to police what they talk about and how often they talk (as long as there’s no flirty vibe obviously).
Have you met her? Do you like her? She’s your stepsons mom. You should try to build a cordial relationship with her at least, she’s not going anywhere. It’s not fair of you to be THIS jealous towards her when there’s a kid involved and they have to communicate.
I don’t suggest you “just leave it” I suggest you come up with a plan to work on your jealousy issues
>It all came to a head a few days ago and resulted in a shouting match and me sobbing on the sofa.
This stands out to me as the issue more than who he talks to about it. A healthy relationship shouldn’t leave you sobbing or have constant fights.
You dated and moved in with a man whose last relationship ended because he was ” disloyal” and now you are having problems and he is also being disloyal by discussing your relationship. He probably discussed his marriage with whoever his side chick was then.
Why choose a man who’s very recently divorced due to cheating? You should be single and put effort into your self esteem. This isn’t gonna end well for you babe.
You admitted yourself that his marriage ended due to disloyalty. Did you suppose you’d be a special exception?