Why are women shamed for putting their career first than their marriage/kids/family?

36 comments

1. Who says they are?

2. There is the shame that they might experience from society as a whole, and the shame tactics that they receive specifically from the other women in their life (mother, grandma, sister)

   Which shame are you referring to?

3. Anyone is. It’s like almost a general rule for most parents. “My children always come first”.

4. Are they? Cause I have two aunts that run successful businesses and no one told them.

   For real though, it’s cultural, being shamed is not always going to be the case, and if it is the reasoning won’t always be the same.

   A better question imo is why does your culture make you feel like women are shamed for that? Who’s doing it? And why?

5. Because society expects them to put their family first. Women are expected to take the “nurturing” role and put others before their own ambitions.

6. If they already have a family, everyone is (and tbh, should be) shamed for putting things ahead of their family.

   If they’re putting things ahead of having a family in the first place, it’s just cobweb brains that shame them.

7. I don’t think women in the west really are. But may be non western countries where women are still held to their gender roles.

   In my personal belief both partners should be financially independent so there’s no chance of financial abuse.

8. old outdate societal norms

9. Wait, someone shamed a modern woman about their career? How did that work out? Major rookie mistake. Were the named and shamed? Have they been forced into hiding? Is the person still among the land of the living?

10. Who?

11. They’re typically not. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. Although, they are warned by those who have the “unpopular opinion” that they’re going to be much more unhappy later on down the road. We’re already seeing that play out in real time.

12. The idea that women are on the clock, and they give up the best years to have and raise kids to instead pursue a career. Then as they get older there’s always talk of difficulties to conceive or increased chances of birth defects.

    Not to mention the proverbial wall, the point were society decides they can no longer attract men. The studies that show that successful women are unhappy. Having devoted so much time and energy to a career and now feeling cheated as the men who they view as their equals are not interested in them but instead chasing younger women.

    In the end it feels like a warning, the older generation trying to push traditional gender roles on people and hinting at their future misery should they not. It’s not as though if every woman were to leave and become a stay at home mom, every man would suddenly be able to earn enough to support their family.

13. Shamed by whom?

14. Guys don’t care about a woman’s career.

15. Are you so isolated from society that you don’t know about gender norms imposed by it?

16. It depends on the culture you come from.

    In Asian cultures that tends to be the case, since Asian cultures tend to value more traditional gender roles

    In Western countries that attitude is far less popular.

17. It’s all about the social norm. It’s no different than men who put on makeup gets shamed for doing so.

18. Its a culture thing for ur country if thats done in the states ppl get vicious.

19. Long history of gender roles, from living in caves as nomads to living in concrete air conditioned houses. That whole evolution bias of society as a whole is not something that our generations “woke culture” can change in one generation. It will happen but will take more time then any of on this thread can stay alive.

20. Same reason men are?

21. I mean, depends. Do they have an actual family that they are neglecting or are they choosing not to have a family? Huge difference. I haven’t heard of shame for the later.

22. Well, in the experience of my own woman. During her 20s, she had broken up with an ex because she wanted to put her career first. So she ends up moving to New York. While she’s in New York, all she did basically was date, But did not pursue a relationship. Now that she’s in her 30s. Now, while she was in her 30s, she met me. But during our time in the relationship, she was pressuring me into giving her a baby and into marriage. I was not with any of that. So basically saying women shouldn’t be shamed For the time they are trying to get their careers together. They just have to understand us men are not trying to be rushed for their internal time clock. If anything, be more patient.

23. I really think they couldn’t care less

24. Because of cultural norms and expectations. Though if you already have a family putting your work before them is kind of fucked up.

25. Go ask the women, we arent the ones doing it.

26. I think it’s first to do with the country you are brought up in and the values that the country has.

    But I’m from America and you can see the trend of women taking their careers on first before children which is all fine and dandy. But it doesn’t come without it’s fair share of consequence, which is why society urgws women to have kids or get married. Because the older you get, the harder it is. Especially because heteronormative relationships RARELY put emphasis on women’s careers. Or in layman’s terms: guys, do not care wat you do or how much you make, generally. As long as it’s enough to keep up appearances, women are generally fine. This is not the case for a male.

    You have to think that there is an equivalent reaction on the male side, which is why I always feel that these female oriented questions are never taken from a guy’s perspective. “Why are women shamed for putting their careers first” has the equivalent of “Why are *men* shamed for *not* putting their careers first”

27. Generally due to a cultural issue (that affects most cultures).

    People view women as essentially family making tools, sure a career is good, but if you arent making kids or getting married you arent doing “your purpose in life”.

    Personally I think its bullshit and that everyone should do what makes them happy, if a career is your goal in life go for it.

28. I wouldn’t shame a woman for that – I’ve seen it, especially from parents who want grandkids while they are still somewhat healthy so they can have something to do (I.e. have fun with them, take the them to Disneyland, not change diapers together), but it also would likely make me less likely to want to date them, if they are that busy with their career and don’t have time to do stuff, I’d rather date someone who isn’t as far up in their career but does have time to do fun stuff – there’s a balance, and either extreme is bad

29. I know I should know better yhan to respond to such clickbait ….

    Who is shaming them?

30. Most women chase a career with the wrong motives. Its usually self centered, ego, or just narcissism.

    Guys work to raise a family, or pursue an endeavo and More often than not they are willing to share the rewards they have acquired. Women typically do not.

31. The people who criticize them are more interested in controlling them. It’s not a good look.

32. Ask the women.

    Their doing the majority of the shaming.

33. You ever notice that a lot of people who are excited about feminism can’t distinguish the difference between feeling shame and being shamed?

34. Everyone should be shamed for not putting family first in my opinion

35. Women aren’t shamed for it…. They just don’t get sympathy when it has consequences. Nobody looks at a woman with a career and thinks she should be embarrassed…. But when she complains that the world doesn’t bend over so that she can “have it all”… She invents the shame.

    Sure… Some people might think that she would have been happier if she had chosen a family. Is that embarrassing? Some people like the color blue. Any woman that genuinely wanted a career more should have no problem not being threatened by other people valuing other things.

    I say this as someone who decided never to get married because I didn’t want the extra work and drama. What I didn’t do is decide to concentrate on myself and my career… And then turn around and expect to get all the benefits of a relationship without investing early and strongly in it. I think what most women do is that they go through life feeling entitled to everything…. And just don’t understand when they hit their 30s and nobody is jumping at the chance to start then when it is convenient to them. I made my choice and stuck with the results. Nobody shamed me because I’m not out there acting like I expected a different result. As men, we are reminded every day that the world owes us nothing.

36. If you live you’re life trying to find universal popularity then you’re going to live a miserable life.