My boyfriend and I moved in together a little less than a year ago. Before he lived with his parents and had a house and yard. Now that we have an apartment, he says he is struggling to have a clear purpose. He says his life is too easy and he doesn’t have to work very much at anything. He said if we had a house, he would enjoy things like plowing the driveway, mowing the yard, and working in the garage. He also says he feels like he could not do as well as quality at work, and he could still keep his job. Not having to work as hard or having a clear defined purpose has taken a huge toll on his mental health. He has been struggling for months but doesn’t want to do anything like take medication or attend therapy, which is how I handled my own mental health problems. How can I help him as a girlfriend? What advice can I give him? Thank you!
TLDR- My boyfriend is struggling to have a clear purpose after we moved into our apartment. How can I help?
3 comments
Why not point out things he can help with in the apartment? Or maybe see if there is a community garden nearby he can work with. All in all I think his idea of purpose is a lie since I’m sure if those things were required around the apartment he wouldn’t be as happy to do them. I suspect he is unhappy in other parts and is simply using the living situation as an excuse.
If he wants challenges or work, encourage him to take up a new hobby. Or explain how investing in his mental health is just as much a “chore” as keeping the driveway clean
it sounds like your bf is struggling with perspective a bit. (especially at work) I’m surprised he’s not motivated by wanting a house again. that’s kind of what the “american dream” is- working hard enough until you enjoy the fruits of your labor (a house with a white picket fence)
obviously this is more general, but going from a house to apartment is just a transition he seems to be struggling with. as far as advice, it’s about perspective- not being ignorant or dismissing things, but he could benefit from understanding it’s also a blessing to not *have* to mow the yard and do a shit ton of housework as a homeowner.
me and my partner are the same age- I totally get it! But being a homeowner is so much work so it’s nice to not worry about that sometimes!!
Tell him that there are many local non-profits in your area that would love to have him as a volunteer. At least one of them will have a mission that aligns with his individual passions or interests. He can choose the activities and the hours he wants to work (including whether he wants to work a fixed or an as-available weekly or monthly schedule), he will make new friends through their shared common interest in the organization’s cause, and he’ll have a regular “job” with important responsibilities, while knowing he is doing his part to make your community a better place to live.
Plus, of course, you should keep urging him to get professional help to improve his mental health. If he wouldn’t balk at getting an antibiotic for an infection, or physical therapy for a chronic shoulder injury, why should he balk at getting an anti-depressant medication and/or talk therapy so he can feel happier every day, with more purpose and meaning in his life?