my best friend and i talk every day over phone calls since we don’t live near each other anymore. i’ve had this issue for the past year where they only talk about themselves. i brought it up a while ago and said “you always talk about yourself and never ask about me”. literally EVERY phone call they immediately go through every detail of their day and then they ask “so how are you?”. and when they ask it sounds like they feel like they have to ask because i told them to. and when i do share about my day they say short responses like “nice” “that’s good” and that’s literally it. then they go back to talking about themselves. i know they love me but it’s like, am i just your human diary? any thoughts?
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Talk about it. Read out this post.
Some people are self absorbed and think everyone wants to hear all about them. Im personally not friends with people who can’t reciprocate basic conversational chat
Talk about it. Communication is the major tenet to pretty much all relationships in human history. I know it’s tough, and I know you don’t wanna feel like you’re burdening them.
But, if they’re your best friend and you’re feeling this way then you have to speak up. If she’s that self-absorbed then it’s a real issue and needs to be addressed.
I was on a call yesterday with a “friend” that cut me off Everytime I started to speak, never asked how I was doing, and then when I finally thought i could get a word in said they gotta. I never noticed her being so self absorbed before. But now looking back on past interactions with her I do see the pattern.
Then there was someone in recovery I used to be on the phone with long times. I started setting time boundaries and noticing how often I was given time to speak. I’d say on a 30 min call I may have spoke 5-7mins.
I’m learning to let these people go.
I have a few thoughts but I want you to answer some questions first.
1. Do you want to share what happened in your day with them?
2. Do you enjoy these calls and/or spending time with them or are you doing it out of obligation/people-pleasing?
3. Why are they your best friend?
4. Have you told them directly about how you feel? Not hints, not euphemisms, but clearly
5. Not necessarily about your friend, but have you learned about the importance of boundaries yet?
It’s really unfortunate that you don’t have any friends that are compatible with you. Are you sure you don’t want to find friends that are?